Can't put my finger on it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Can't put my finger on it...
9
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 11:10am

Has this happened to you? You meet a nice guy or girl, they are attractive, friendly, smart and appear to have good values.

 
 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 11:21am

Oh, it happens to me all the time! I force myself to go on that 2nd date, and maybe even a 3rd and 4th to see if my feelings will change, but I've never had that happen, personally. But I keep hearing these stories of, I wasn't all that crazy about him at first, but then things changed...so I keep trying ;-).

I recently had the experience of not being able to force myself to call a guy though (to set up a meet)...we'd played phone tag a bunch and he was "good on paper"...but I just didn't have a good vibe (it wasn't a *negative* vibe, just not positive) so I didn't return his last call. I can't put my finger on why...but there you have it!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 12:09pm
Oh yes I have been there! I usually give it another date or two. The outcome sort of depends on why you aren't excited about seeing him again. If it's because there isn't any attraction, that rarely changes though it can happen. If it's something else that can change. For instance, the guy I've been seeing for three weeks on our first date I thought I saw a couple of red flags and almost didn't go out with him again, but I decided to give it some time and I'm glad I did as I don't think those issues are really red flags anymore. Anyway tough call to make in the beginning and I err on the side of giving things time because in time you usually know for certain one way or the other and then you aren't left second-guessing yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 4:35pm

Yes, I have done that, but not recently. I know I keep hearing about how people change after a few dates, but I guess for me if I'm not feeling it on Date 1, I refuse to spend any more time w/that person. As stated in my other post, I'm not willing to jump through hoops or keep giving chances. If we don't click, why bother!

Nowadays for me, it's all about quality not "quantity"! I'm truly not dating; just to be dating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 4:36pm
Yup, happens to me all the time.
heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 6:02pm

going out on one date and not feeling something and then forcing yourself to go out again can be coupled w/ different things.

it could be you already know he's not the one for you and now you are forcing yourself not a good thing---

and you are truly uncomfortable with him, and going out with him again would be just plain too much to exhaust yourself and you say why bother.?

the other thing is you could think, well there wasn't much there, not too sure, and i have another date lined up w/ someone else why exhaust myself w/ him when the next guy i may have amazing sparks w. so you don't invest or don't want to invest more time w/ him?

i mean honestly girls, dating is exhausting. so you feel hmm, not sure about him, not feeling something so why exhaust myself for another date.

honestly , I had 3 dates, w/ a guy wasnt sure about, but by date 3, i was more sure about him, and now can tell you , i am certain he is the "right guy"..

i know a few others same thing happened.

i say give it a chance, don't worry about things from date one, and go out on date two and three and then look back and say ok, what do i think now??

then you can decide if he is or isn't someone w/potential to continue dating.

i hear this from guys too, don't want to invest more time after date one, its either there or isn't, and this one in particular still 40 and single.. maybe if he had walked a few more dates, he would have found the one

again, MHO...only.

(and red flag for me is when there is instant sparks.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 7:25pm

I've been there a lot. When it happens, it's usually due to a lack of chemistry. Looks and smarts are great things, but it's something even more than that. A connection. Kind of hard to explain, but not at all uncommon for me.

I usually need a few dates (if he isn't revolting) to find out if there is the potential for more. Really, my biggest problem is letting the guy down easy once I realize (a few dates later) that I'm really not very interested after all.

That's actually the worst part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 7:54pm
All the time. I've thought about it a lot, and I've never come up with a reason for feeling like that. Instinct?







iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 11:55pm

been there so many times SP... i think its the chemistry thing. you need to have chemistry on physical, mental, emotional levels for that connection you are searching for to exist. sometimes it takes a few dates to feel it on each level.

you seen the episode of sex and the city where carrie talks about the za za feelings for a guy. its when she is first dating berger.

thats what is missing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:47am

<

That's actually the worst part>>

I'm going through this now. I've had two dates with a guy I met on yahoo and we're having a third (a lunch date) tomorrow. I feel as if I have to decide soon whether to pursue this or cut him loose because it just gets harder to make that speech the longer you let it go on. And he seems way more into me than I am into him.

For this round of OLD, I vowed to give guys more of a chance, which is easy to do since I'm getting very few reponses. But I don't want to waste his time or mine if I'm not feeling it.