Chatting vs. emailing

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Chatting vs. emailing
19
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 6:06pm
Ok, here's a topic I don't remember seeing before, although it's related to the post on chatting. As I posted there, I really DO NOT like to chat, *especially* with people I haven't met yet. I find it uncomfortable, artificial and just all around not very effective as a way to get to know someone. Email isn't *much* better, but at least you can think about your responses and have them be somewhat thoughtful!

Anyway, this guy from match emails me, and gives me his chat handle. I write back and say I'm not much of a chatter, but I'd be happy to exchange a few emails and see if it makes sense for us to meet. I then made some what I thought were thoughtful comments about his profile.

I get back "I email for work; I find chatting much more interactive". That's it. I'm inclined NOT to respond further. I'm not all that excited about him anyway (he seems a little odd and he smokes although he says he's trying to quit), so it's no great loss this time, but am I being unreasonable in asking him to respect my comfort zone? I suppose the same could be said, that I'm not respecting his, but he approached me, and he's the guy...I think that a man should be willing to go out of his way a little to make a woman feel comfortable in this setting. It's the chivalrous thing to do.

Thoughts?

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 6:22pm
I don't see anything wrong at all with ignoring him. I don't chat with guys I meet online anymore. I did it a few times when I first started online dating, and it didn't work well for me. A couple of guys I had what I thought were decent chats with just disappeared. Another turned out to be *really* weird after we went out on one date. So I stopped doing it. I just email and talk on the phone prior to meeting.

If this guy is that inflexible that he insists on chatting and won't email, he's probably not a great prospect for a relationship anyway. I mean really, I use the phone for work, but that doesn't mean that I refuse to talk on the phone with guys I'm dating! (and btw, the smoking would bother me too - don't blame you there one bit.)

ginger

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 6:29pm
I agree, but then of course, I suppose *I'm* not being flexible either ;-)! I just don't like this "chat or else" attitude. I haven't had good experiences with chatting either, so I'm not inclined to try it again.

Thanks for your thoughts!

Sheri

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 6:40pm
I agree Sheri...it's the chivalrous thing to do. Most men will go out of their way to make a woman feel comfortable. So if he's not doing that now, what would he be like later on? The other thing I'd be concerned about is the smoking issue. I just couldn't be with a smoker. So if you feel the same way about dating a smoker, plus you said you're not that excited about him, I wouldn't bother with him.

Kelly

Avatar for la_de_mafi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 7:03pm
I was a smoker "trying to quit" before... lol I was never trying to quit. I just lied on a site.. I just wanted to look good to people looking at my ad.

I think that if he wanted to get to know you better, he should try and do it the way that would make you best comfortable. You are right.. that is the right thing to do.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 7:12pm
LOL!!! That's too funny! As an ex-smoker, I can relate to how hard it is to quit, but I wonder how many people say that just so they look better ;-).

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 7:14pm
Thanks for the feedback...ok, I officially don't feel guilty about not responding to him!

Sheri

Avatar for la_de_mafi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 7:16pm
Now I don't smoke.. I quit.. lol But thanks.. hehehehe
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 7:34pm
Hi Sheri...no, you are not being unreasonable at all. I am not a chatter and I had to uninstall the yahoo messenger and not accept the match and other IM sites offer. I think IM is a waste of my time and I will utilize email to accomplish my purpose...to meet an individual of similar interests/values and to confirm or set plans (with guys, not my other friends).

I tell the men I simply do not IM and will email a few times but I would rather meet for a cup of Jo to see if they want to establish a real relationship vs. the illusionary computer romance (I know you do the same). It's funny, I recently had a man email me and said he preferred the *interactive* nature of chatting! I said I didn't. I never heard back from him again. Ugh! Next!

If he isn't willing to at least meet me half way on this point, I know it would never work out period. And because I don't have the messenger downloaded anymore, they can't pop into my day and just start chatting (that really annoyed me anyway)...!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 7:40pm
Are you in Seattle??? Maybe it's the same guy!!!

I do have Yahoo messenger on my computer but I'm always logged in "invisible" so that keeps the unsolicited chatters to a minimum. I haven't used it in quite a while though. The only reason I really keep it installed is because it alerts me when I have a new email on my "dating" yahoo email account!

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. Next!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 10:42pm
I do agree with one point you made. He should do whatever needed to make you comfy if he really likes you. He must not, so yeh...move on. I do like chatting myself though, so I cannot agree there. emails are fine, but chatting is better for me. To each their own. Good debate!


gail:)

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