Chemistry

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2006
Chemistry
3
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 7:21pm

Background about me: I'm 36, divorced with two children. They have and always will come first. It's been 6 yrs since divorce and kids, home, job, finances, life mostly settled. Kids have adjusted well and now I think I'm finally ready to pursue a relationship but haven't come across many single men who I was attracted to.

Joined Match(over three weeks ago). Talked to several guys. Phone with three. Met two. Kept both short. No chemistry with first and ok attraction with the other (yesterday). Emailed with several. Got rid of a lot. I need to have chemistry and so does a guy (either it can be some physical attraction or attracted by profile). I'm not about games so prefer no BS. I don't shovel it so don't send it my way kind of thing.

Here's my dilemma: There is another guy who's profile I REALLY liked (there have been maybe two of these strong attractions. The first didn't go very far. No biggie). The other is another story. I went into this with no expectations because of something he stated at the end of his profile. I figured nothing ventured nothing gained. Who knows. We have become emailing friends. We talk about things. Life, books, ideas. I sign on just to see what he has to say. I don't email him unless he emails me. We have a strong basic connection but have never met or spoken on the phone.

I know. I know. Why? I guess that if he had wanted to meet he would have said so by now. The problem is that I guess I like our "talks". Last few emails he shared more personal stuff. Me too. I guess I'm afraid of losing this 'connection'. Even if we don't become involved (his comment and the fact that you don't know until you meet) I guess I would rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. Suggestions? Anyone experienced something like this? Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: eliza2006
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 9:50pm

I have been through it. The guy and I were amazing together. We just vibed so well. Well eventually we met and there was no physical spark for me. And then he got a little weird. I thought we coudl be friends but we truly couldn't because he kept wanting more and trying to change my mind...


My advice? Even friends need to meet. If he hasn't suggested it, then why don't you? At least this way you know the whole story and if it's meant to be just friends, then you can do that without still having to wonder...


Hope this helps. Let us know what you decide.


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2006
In reply to: eliza2006
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 11:39pm
Thanks! I just checked in but had to share a new development. We connected again today and I don't know why I didn't just come out and ask him before. I love the fact that he is so direct and is sometimes the more serious one. I "hinted". He called me on it. I took him up on it and we're going to talk on the phone tomorrow. I always felt that the foundation of getting to know someone should be there. No rules seem to apply here. I'm confused and relieved. I didn't think this was out there but I don't want to trust it too soon before we meet. I'll keep in mind what you said about your experience. God I hope that's not the case. Does he want to take his time and tread carefully like I do or does he think I won't be attracted to him (his picture is hot but NOT the main attraction. Big plus but his writing spoke to me like me. We talk about books and life.)?
Any other thoughts?
-E
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 2:42am

Some men actually do this on purpose...they draw you in and give you the sense that you "know" them before you even meet, so that you'll throw caution to the winds and sleep with them on the 1st date. Hopefully he's not one of those manipulative guys, but until you meet him and spend time with him in person, you don't "know" him...keep that firmly in mind.

Good luck, I hope the phone call leads to a meet soon, and that you hit it off in person!

I'm curious, what was it he said in his profile that makes you think it can't work?

Sheri