Chemistry and OLD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
Chemistry and OLD
5
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 2:13am

In conventional dating, I wouldn't go out with a guy who was 'good on paper' no matter how close he fits to my standards unless i felt 'butterflies.' I've tried dating 'good on paper' guys without chemistry - and usually end up hurting both of us.

I don't know how to apply this to my OLD life. Can you really have butterflies in a chat? or a phone convo with someone you've never met? I've met a couple guys (granted not many) and had no sparks so chose not to go out again. Should I wait to meet someone until I feel that the heat is there, or meet them and hope it comes? does anyone else even know what I"m talking about?

I have a guy who I met on a site, he and I didn't work out (one of the guys mentioned above), but we're friendly and MSN daily. He told me he finds it so hard to keep starting over and over. I feel bad if this is the attitude, and I"m messing with people, but I can honestly say that there is nothing better then a first kiss with someone who makes you weak in the knees - and I'm not willing to settle for less then that.

So do I keep going out with guys who seem OK and hope something happens? or be more selective with 'meets' and wait for something special?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 4:23am

What I suggest is that you meet early (just a few emails, maybe one or two phone calls) and don't think of that first meeting as a "date"- think of it like you just smiled at him across the bar, and he came over and introduced himself and you started chatting.

Yes, it means you have to go out with the "good on paper" guys- and there might be a lot of first meetings. Yes, it means that the odds are that you'll have several or many of these before you find someone you want to pursue more real "dates" with. Oh well.

What OLD brings is the ability to see LOTS of the "good on paper" guys, and then it's up to you to find out if there's that spark, that chemistry with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 5:11am
Online dating is a filtering process. Until you meet you won't know if there's hope for chemistry. The best thing to do is keep meeting. Most people give it one date beyond the meet unless there is something wrong during the meet and you can see there is absolutely no chemistry possibility.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 9:42am

You can't know if you have chemistry unless you meet...and any online and phone "chemistry" you have is an illusion that doesn't always play out once you meet in person.

So, as the guys said, the best solution is to meet in person ASAP. I prefer to meet for coffee so that it's quick and painless if we're not a match.

Sheri

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 12:20pm

For me, some physical attraction is important, but not as important as "personality chemistry".

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 7:34pm

The other posters have about covered it - but mainly I will say to meet ASAP and not do IMing or emailing for very long. A person can portray themselves as someone they are not through those mediums. So it's not until you have an actual face to face meet that you'll know if there is any interest for either of you.

I wouldn't bother continuing to date guys who you feel are just "ok". I kept meeting different guys from OLD, usually for coffee, since you can get away if it isn't going that great. I had quite a few meets before I met the guy I am now seeing (for the past 3 months).

He was different right away, but it wasn't like he took my breath away - it's been more of a building relationship. The interest was there and some chemistry on that first meet, but on our second meet, which was a date, he was more himself and that's when my interest in him grew more - he has many of the traits I like in a guy. Looks-wise, he's not the type of guy I had pictured myself with, but I took a chance and went with it and it's been great.

Keep reading and posting on this board and also read some posts that go back and you'll learn a lot about OLD. Good luck to you.

Sunshine