chemistry - instant/slow pot to boil
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chemistry - instant/slow pot to boil
| Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:35pm |
All this talk about chemistry either instant or slow pot to boil – I’ve had both.
Do you think with instant chemistry you tend to overlook red flags? Rush in to quickly? Do you think with the slow pot to boil you’ll never had the same intensity as with the instant attraction? Or maybe a healthier more realistic approach w/out all the fuzzies in the way? :-)
Curious of your analysis of both types of relationships since we get a lot of posters asking this question.
Thanks!
SP

The instant chemistry always gets me over a barrel and into trouble. It's hard to avoid being so awe struck in these situations, but because of past experiences, I make a double effort to put the brakes on my 'own' assumptions of the person until I get to know them better.
The only slow to boil chemistry I had turned out to be the love of my life, and longest relationship. At our first meet, I would've scoffed at anyone who told me I'd be head over heels in love with him in 6 month's time. I was smitten in 4, lol, and it was more intense than any other relationship I've ever had.
Good post, SP!
I've experienced both scenarios. With instant chem I did have a tendency to overlook some things. Not really big, red flags, but some minor ones that I may have questioned in another situation. And yes, instant infatuation caused me to become intimate way earlier than I liked. I made the ignorant assumption that he must be feeling the same way I am. (Doh!) It has also been my experience that things fizzle out almost as quicky they started. The r'ships where I had that "instant chemistry" didn't last.
With the "slow pot" it's a slower build up to the same feelings. The chemistry IS there, just no quite so apparent.
When I met my current BF, there were no parks. BUT I really liked him. He was great to talk to, gentlemanly and just super nice. However, I didn't feel that instant animal magnetism. I decided to keep seeing him as I was SO tired of the slugs I had been meeting. The feelings developed. I learned about him (and he about me)as a person before we let hormones take over. There is a lot of chemistry between us and not just between the sheets! LOL
The only instance in my life where I can think of the "instant lightening bolt" was with a guy I had a little "fling" with last fall.
Good post SP!
Well, I had the slow pot to boil one with my last bf and I never thought that there would be as much chemistry there as what developed. But there was some attraction there in the beginning also and it just kept getting better. Unfortunately we didn't want the same things from life.
My 25 year marriage started as the big sparks thing and was good for a couple of years, but faded after that, but then that is how life goes. Yet I was a teen when I met him and lust is a big factor at that age!
But I think with either type, you still have to keep working at the relationship to keep it fresh and interesting as time goes by.
Now I'm open to either one! ;)
Sunshine
I'd say instant chemistry can either be good or bad. If it's there just put on the brakes and let yourself see the real thing before falling .
i also have had the slow buildup and honestly it didn't work for me. Both times I had great great guys and not saying the r'ships didn't last and end up being good long term r'ships and two of the best guys i had treat me right but there was no passion and i did not feel like I wanted to make efforts.. I guess.. and the r'ships grew but then we ended up growing apart for lack of passion
i met a guy recently that i did have chemistry but it was a week or two into it. and it was wonderful , and then i had a nother guy no chemistry great on paper and i tried after 4 dates and realized no, this is not going to work..
so i don't know.. i guess for me i want the instant chemistry but i make sure i put the brakes on to see if thre are any red flags and take it slowly..
w/ the slow pot to boil i give it a certain amoutn of time and if it doesn't grow into something more i now wouldlet it go.
Good question SP.
I know for me- in those experiences where the chemistry is electric I did over look red flags because things felt "so right".
I'm still trying to figure out what works best for me, so I don't have an answer yet. I know people who started out as friends and are now happily married. I also know people who fireworks went off when they met and they've been together since the first day they met.
Perhaps there isn't a one fit answer. It could be dependent on our own personal baggage and what we are open to when we meet "dates."
I'll let you know when I come up with a better answer. ;)
Great question considering I started it about the vibe/chemistry.
I must admit that when it was "instant", those types of relationships fizzled fast. Also they were based mainly on physical attributes. I mean some had great personalities, but it was extremely physical initially -- the reason for it being "instant"! Yes, I did ignore the "red flags" because I was instantaneously crazy about them! (smile)
Now one of the BEST LTR that I have had was a "slow pot to boil." I didn't feel anything when I first met him, but I continued to see him and eventually fell for him after about 3 months.
Ironically, I posted a board on "homebody vs. outgoing guy" and this guy that I had the LTR with was an outgoing guy. He called and always had a plan -- from antique shopping. spontaneous road trips, fine dining or concerts/plays. If he were a homebody, I don't think it would have gone very far ESPECIALLY since it was a "slow pot to boil".