chemistry/spark do you think it grows?
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chemistry/spark do you think it grows?
| Sun, 08-28-2005 - 11:59pm |
I am sure this question was asked before...
but do you need that instant chemistry to proceed forward or do you believe it grows overtime
and if you are one that believes in instant chemistry do you have a situation where it did actually work out where there was instant chemistry right off the bat and they also had the whole package??
and when I say chemistry plus whole package, meaning he has everything else you are looking for.. ?? not just one or the other, chemistry is there, not everything else, or he has the whole package, but not instant chemistry?

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I think it can grow.
Hi rosma! Good question.
I've felt instant chem on several occassions and things just never seemd to go beyond a few dates.
With my late husband I only liked him as a co-worker. I only went out with him to shut up my friends who were constantly naggging at me to date him...one date and they had to leave me alone! We were married 22 yrs. So, I'd say chemistry can grow. Interesting side note...he felt the chemistry for me the day he met me. He said he knew he was going to marry me.
Now with my current bf...well, similar situation as firstamendment's. The chemistry has grown tremendously. However, certain outiside forces are impacting our r'ship.
With my current SO of 4 months, the chemistry wasn't "instant" (too nervous LOL!) but we definitely had the mutual interest & attraction going right away.
I completely agree with you phoenixmama. I've had two boyfriends through match.com. Although neither was ultimately a match...they both illustrated the opposites ends of the chemistry spectrum.
Guy #1 took a while to grow on me. I wasn't all that physically attracted to him at first but enjoyed his company and conversation. He was very low-key, an introvert and a bit of a loner. Usually not my type. I stuck with it because he was a great talker and we had some really great dates. I found myself seeing a much more attractive man the more I got to know him. I finally gave in and then he dumped me because he thought I way too serious!
Guy #2 was this intense immediate attraction. He was very extroverted, funny, charming...another great talker and the sex was totally off-the-hook. I was in this constant state of anticipation. He had some serious character flaws that I red flagged but put on the shelf because I knew this would run it's course. He drew me in with a lot of "future talk" then dumped me.
I'm much more inclined now to take the time and put some effort into the chemistry. Instant chemistry burns out quickly.
Chele
Edited 8/29/2005 12:19 pm ET ET by cheleinsf
Edited 8/30/2005 12:48 am ET ET by cheleinsf
I think it can be either way...I've had relationships where there was instant chemistry and others where there wasn't.
I'm like Phoenixmama if the chemistry is red hot, I tend to ignore red flags. I don't look for instant chemistry anymore.
Edited 8/29/2005 12:34 pm ET ET by sniffle_sally
I think it can definitely grow, but if you don't see it growing by the second or third time you see the person, then maybe it isn't going to happen (just in general...I am sure there are exceptions.)
Sara
i liked the replies and agree w/ ya all on the instant chemistry thing where we do tend to ignore the red flags because we get caught up in the "chemistry" part and that overtakes all the rational thinking..
I have to say all my lasting r'ships were not "instant" chemistry but were all good men that the chemistry did grow overtime.. I believe it does take longer than 3 dates , however because you still really don't know someone after 3 dates, but I do believe it should be growing a little more each time yes..
i am interested in knowing if any instant chemistry r'ships turned out to last..
i am having a dilemma where I am caught in wanting all that, and the entire package.
I am dating aman now is the sweetest guy ever but I am comparing the "instant chemistry" i had w/ the last two guys , who clearly are not around for various reason (lots of red flags i did ignore) but can't help wanting that feeling again but also when I look back I see this guy treats me way better and so did the others that the chemistry grew w/. BUT I want it ALL!
Just an additional couple of comments....
Yes, that is what I meant...you should *start* to feel a growing chemistry after 2-3 dates, IMO...when the person's personality is hitting you. I think the opposite also holds true...You can have instant physical chemistry and the guys personality can start to ruin the chemistry.
Sara
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