chemistry/spark do you think it grows?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
chemistry/spark do you think it grows?
17
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 11:59pm

I am sure this question was asked before...

but do you need that instant chemistry to proceed forward or do you believe it grows overtime

and if you are one that believes in instant chemistry do you have a situation where it did actually work out where there was instant chemistry right off the bat and they also had the whole package??

and when I say chemistry plus whole package, meaning he has everything else you are looking for.. ?? not just one or the other, chemistry is there, not everything else, or he has the whole package, but not instant chemistry?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 11:28pm
bump........
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 6:53am
I took my profile down yesterday. Go ahead & tell me that was a dumb thing to do.
I met someone a little over 1 1/2 months ago. I told him that I did not feel a spark and hoped that we can be friends. He thanked me for being honest and said that I came off as a 'pissed off snob'. (I do get that alot and warn anyone I meet. I'm just a bit nervous when first meeting someone)
Because we have alot in common & live a few miles from each we continued to meet up for movies & lunches. I had friends that are guys and he is now one. He is a great friend, very smart and has helped me in some projects I'm working on. In a way, I feel like a kid sister.
2 weeks ago we went to the park and we kissed and I was a nervous wreck. We've been seeing more of each other since then and have been talking everyday.
He had taken his profile down weeks ago because he was frustrated with the whole thing. I took it down because I wouldn't feel good about myself 'getting to know someone else' while I'm kissing someone else. We never had 'the talk' and that's OK. I'm taking the chance. And I also don't want to lead other guys on when I'm really interested in this one person.
So, yes the spark can develop in time. In my case 1 1/2 months. And it feels nice. I didn't feel that pressure of having a spark on the first date, but since he respected my wishes of being friends I got the time to know him and started to really like him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 9:42am

What's dumb about it? You like him, he likes you. Funny, I was just last night talking with a friend about the *serial dating* syndrome people have and how I couldn't do it myself if I was getting involved with someone. It's risky to put all one's eggs in one basket, but I would do so for a short period of time while getting to know someone.

I wish you good luck with your friend!

And having said that, I have to also say this: you're assuming that since he took his profile down and you have kissed that you are both on the same page. Just remember that the last fact you gave him is that you wanted to be just friends. He needs to to be told straight out if you have changed your mind. Guys are like that.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 1:26pm

I completely think that instant chemistry is important. When I meet my late husband, we were instantly attracted to one another. Our reltationship just took off right away. We saw each other on weekend and eventally moved into together and I got married. All within 6 motnhs and our 3 years of marriage was wonderful, we completed each other in every aspect. I also believe that it also made us crazy and a little blind but as long you communicate and are honest I think that if it's meant to work out it will and that sparks never goes out, but if you dont give it the proper attention and commuication it will burn out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 4:17am

>but do you need that instant chemistry to proceed forward

Yes.

>or do you believe it grows overtime

No. I think love and possibly sexual attraction grow over time but not chemistry. By it's true definition, chemistry must exist from the very beginning.

"When two people "click"-when something meshes, there's an instantaneous fit, and sparks fly-it's called chemistry."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 6:37am
I think this so varies from person to person.......I never ever had chemistry on the first date....maybe date 2 or 3, but it takes me some time to feel any chemistry with a stranger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 7:46am
I think you can acquire spark over time,yes.....even if it isn't there immediately.
 

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