Child Free By Choice

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Child Free By Choice
3
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 9:05am

I'm full of topics today...

Anyway, I've beening reading tha "Child Free By Choice" board here on IV, since I am, indeed CFBC. I was pregnant in college, but miscarried at 8 months. I wasn't too keen on motherhood then, but had accepted the situation even though my then-BF was an idiot. Anyway, the pain of the loss has lingered & since it would be a physical gamble for me to get pregnant again, plus I still don't feel ready for motherhood, I'm made the decision to not have my own kids...ever. I'm quite happy with this decision, & I have zero pressure from family to plunk out any grandkids, which is nice.

Anyway, I have no aversion to dating a man who has one or 2 kids from a previous marriage or relationship, given that his ex isn't psycho & the kids aren'y insane (case-by-case kind of thing). However, the ideal situation for me if to find a guy who has no kids & no desire to have them in the future. So far this hasn't been a huge problem for me in finding men to date, but then again I've only had 3 serious relationships where that topic even came up.

So, if any of you are CFBC or are done having babies, is this choice affecting your dating at all? Is it causing a problem with men you want to date? Just curious...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 9:50am

Yep, it's definitely an issue. Silly me, I thought guys would see it as a GOOD thing, but it turns out that a large percentage of guys my age WANT to have kids (or more kids) so it's actually been a big strike against me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 8:41pm
I can't believe how many men my age want to have - usually MORE kids, since most of them are single because they're divorced. If a guy wants to have kids, that's the end of my reading his profile...immediate deal-breaker. Not only do I not want more children, I had my tubes tied to make absolutely sure it never happens!! Yet, my ex-husband had a child with his new wife...they're bothe 42...and I see it over and over again - guys in their 40's who want more kids!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 11:42am

Agghhhh! This is my greatest fear at 42.....getting pregnant. I really think that is a big problem with me dating also.....heat of the moment and all that! I can't take birth control pills, the depo shots made me crazy so the only thing left is condoms, foam and such (got my dd by using the sponge!) and I can't afford to get my tubes tied.Anyway, sexually I hold back a lot because at 42 I don't want to hear the pitter patter of little feet.

But I have come across men during my very brief OLD experience that want more kids or are "unsure" and they are in their 40's.