Children & Dating
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| Sun, 05-15-2005 - 8:14am |
What is a good time frame to invite someone you're dating over to your home?
I have kids and I am finding it harder to date. They are not babies, but I do worry about them when I am out. I met someone and he is really interested in me. We have gone out twice and planned two more dinner dates for next week. He drives a little over an hour to see me and we meet at a restaurant. I would like to spend more time with him without worrying about how long I am out.
Or, maybe not neccessarily at home but, "bumping into him" at a bowling alley and introduce him as a friend. I'm not worried about my kids getting attached to someone quickly. They're more attached to their video games than anything else. Typical teenagers.
I would just like to know what would be an appropriate time. Thanks

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I would wait 2 months or so. You don't know this man well at all at this point, so before you invite him into your home, you need to spend a whole lot more time with him so you have a chance to evaluate his character, etc. Even if your kids don't get attached, you don't want to bring someone into contact with them who is a question mark.
Sheri
My point of view is that if I am to pursue a relationship with someone, getting a sense of how they interact with my son is vital. My situation is a little different as my son is 4-1/2 and I know I'm looking for a LTR with someone who's open to eventually accepting him as a stepson. Enjoying hanging out with my son is something I would expect from any friend, even more so for a 'friend-plus' if you will. So I do prefer to have some casual introduction somewhat early on - not immediately, but once I have a clear sense that someone is well suited for ME.
I was lucky enough to meet someone utterly wonderful about a month ago, and she spent the day out & about with me and DS last week. We had a great mother's day brunch, went out hiking on the long trails of a local park, then went to a friend's BBQ. The two of them hit it off fabulously which is exactly what I'd hoped for. Then again it's also easier to get a quicker sense of a person when they're right in town as opposed to an hour away - it's just inherently easier to be able to spend more time together.
There are some who would say wait at least 4-6 months, or even wait until you start seriously considering marriage! Personally I can't even fathom considering marrying someone who I haven't already seen a significant interaction with DS. But then it may be very different when your kids are older. When it comes down to it, there is no one-size-fits-all answer, you are the only one who can decide what approach is right for you & your situation.
Lurker here, with a six year old daughter. i agree w/ phoenix. There just aren't steadfast rules that work for everyone. You know your children and the level they are at and the activities which may encourage attachment and which won't.
jen
TB
My kids are 5.5 -- so I don't have as much introducing them. At that age I don't feel kids really know what is going on and we always agree to make it more of a play date type meeting than to introduce someone as a gf/bf.
As kids get older I do agree that it's more of an issue - because they know from the start what is going on.
TB
Yeah, having your kids meet your SO is tricky. My kids met my current BF at 3 months, give or take. They're 14 and 16 and they pushed for a meet. Their logic was that I always want to know who they're hanging out with, so why shouldn't they meet who I hang with. Tough to argue with that. I didn't have alot of "dates" for them to meet, so having a parade of men coming and going wasn't an issue.
The other issue to consider is, how does he feel about it? My BF was all in favor of it when I asked him. All parties should be comfortable.
But I would seriously wait until you've been seeing him longer (2 to 4 months?). Two dates are definitley not long enough in my book.
I did let him know that it is difficult for me to spend alot of time away from home and he understood. He is coming down and a bit closer to where I live so I can check in on the kids a bit more frequently and still have time with him.
So, that's a good sign.
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