Clingy Guys

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Clingy Guys
10
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 8:57pm

You know, I must be nuts because I am the only woman I know who is a cling magnet, yet doesn't like it. My girlfriends who are still single don't understand, as they wish they had any attention. LOL!

Here's the latest...

I had a first date with a guy from Yahoo 2 weeks ago. We played mini-golf, go-karts, air hockey (you may think it sounds hokey but I love that stuff). There was a maze at this fun place & he kissed me in the maze. It was nice, & he's cute, but I am not overwhelmed with attraction or chemistry with him. Still, I've gone out more than once with guys I felt even less chemistry with, so I agreed to go out again this Friday. Well, in the meantime, he's been calling me every single day. EVERY SINGLE DAY! Plus emails. I work 2 jobs, mainly at night, so I don't have time to talk to someone every day, which I thought I made clear from the get-go. I also really dislike phone conversations because I have a slight hearing deficiency that makes it hard for me to hear on the phone. I prefer email or in person (I make this clear to everyone from the get-go too...I don't mind quick 5-10 minute "here's when we're meeting" kinds of chats). It's starting to become a turn-off. Even when I'm totally into a guy I don't like to be around him every day. This was a guy who said in his profile that he wasn't really looking for a serious relationship because he was busy with a job & school, but was open to it. So, I thought he might be a great person to date because our schedules would force a slow progression. Well, I guess I was wrong & I guess he has oodles of time, all of a sudden.

When he leaves emails or voicemails, I try to wait at least a day before returning them, trying to train him. Not working. UGH!

Plus he's starting the "you're the most amazing woman I know" kind of talk. He mentioned it when I was a bit tired sounding on the phone because I just finished working 18 hours straight on my 2 jobs & was getting ready to crash on the floor at job #1 so I'd be able to arrive for work on time for the next shift.

I'm just feeling overwhelmed by his attempts to communicate with me every day. It's just not my style. Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
In reply to: travkitty
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 9:40pm

Yes. Can I have him?

Seriously, when a guy makes daily contact with me I really like it. It makes me feel as if he really wants to get to know me. It's when they get a bit pushy, over do it with the compliments, coming on strong it makes me take a step back. Like, they automatically think you're 'their girl'.
It's just my experience that 'The quicker you fall in "WOW" with someone, the quicker you fall out'. (Reminds me of those guys who are so clingy & needy in the beginning and three months later they're whining "I need my space".)
If he really likes you & respects you he will understand and back off a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: travkitty
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:04pm
It sounds like he's not your style.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: travkitty
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 5:23am

He is probably being very truthful about you being amazing. I am tired just reading your schedule.

If you want, tell him you are looking for something convenient for your schedule, as you seem to not really have time for a relationship and was honest about that in the beginning.

Just remember however, on our death beds (if there is that scenario when you are on your way out)...we don't sit there and say to ourselves "gee, i worked my ass off in life" and smile. I understand circumstances might require all that work you are doing, but maybe someone somewhere is trying to tell you something. You are to be admired for having a good work ethic, I hope you don't always have to do this...so that you have something else to ponder on your way out of this thing we call life.

You are an amazing woman by the way LOL so there :P,
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
In reply to: travkitty
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 9:34am

It does sound like he's coming on a bit strong. Maybe you should mention it to him -- just say something like "You seem like a good guy, but we just met and I would feel more comforatable if we slowed down a lot". The way he reacts to something like that would be very telling. He may just not know how you're feeling about things.

Keep in mind, too, that maybe this guy has had a lot of bad dates in the past, and he is just very enthusiastic about meeting a woman like you. Guys get a lot of mixed advice, and he is probably thinking he should make it really clear that he's "into you". Just like you have seen on this thread -- what one woman thinks is overbearing, another would consider welcome attention.

Keep us posted on how it goes.

Eric

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
In reply to: travkitty
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:30am

Just FYI: I'm working like this because I'm going back to school next summer & have to pay for it myself. So, I'm saving up money like crazy.

Thanks for the advice. I'll give him a call tonight during my lunch break (he called & emailed again last night) & try to communicate my thoughts in a good way. After one date, I just don't get this into anybody. I actually have a first date with a different guy tomorrow night. I have to take my cell phone for safety reasons, but I hope he doesn't call in the middle of my other date. Of course I won't answer if he calls then, but all the same...




Edited 8/24/2005 10:34 am ET ET by travkitty
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: travkitty
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:10am

Re the cell phone tonight, can't you just turn the ringer off?

I had this happen to me a year or two ago, and it was TOTALLY annoying...I liked the guy, but his constant phone calls caused me to not like him as much and eventually it fizzled. I did say something to him but I think that was the beginning of the end.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: travkitty
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:11am

Wow Travkitty!
Congrats on the school thing. You really do have great ambition to work so hard to pay for school. Lotta strength there..School will probably seem like a breeze in comparison.

yup, the best thing would be to politely tell him what your style is and why. Yes, having someone else call in the middle of something else is hard. Put the phone sound on vibrate and enjoy.

I was very flattered when the guy i am currently "seeing" (can't really call it dating ) called me a bajillion times a day etc before we met (10 days). That changed considerably (says he is really busy) but he still calls when he wants to ....but its probably 3 times a week at most. He was calling and texting all day long. Now he doesnt respond when i text for hours or days. Funny they will do what they want when they want to ...and I protested so much before he met about it...it was a lil fantasical really i said. Now the big difference in ratio sucks. If he HADN'T called so much in the beginning i wouldnt know the difference. He expects me to not notice? He must REALLLY be busy then for that LOL
:sigh: i am fixing dinner for him tonight for our first overnighter..we'll see, as I am to be somewhat "cool" now and play it on his terms until i find someone who fills the gap better......it is nice having someone...and no i am not the type to always have someone...so i am riding this out. He could be really busy. I am not the one asking to see him, I am not bugging him. i do occassionaly send texts and vm's but expect NOTHING in return now because he changed his pace and say nothing about it now. Perhaps he is in need of someone with patience at this time. We'll see...

best to all,
Lizzie

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
In reply to: travkitty
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 9:08pm

Well, clingy guy is still being clingy, though he's a bit better.

2 things that kind of got to me, though. I mentioned in an email that my oldest cat was sick. He replied saying he hoped she gets better so he can meet her. Ack!

Now, I'm working my Saturday night radio show & I checked the online request log. He's listening because he just "e-quested" ABBA'a "Take A Chance On Me". He's doing a kind of worship thing with me, I think.

Annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
In reply to: travkitty
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 12:28am
That could be clever or creepy - depending on how you feel about him. I can't imagine myself ever doing that so I give kudos to those that have the seeds to let their feelings be known.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
In reply to: travkitty
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 12:26pm

Annie, the cat thing I find weird.