Clueing you in about "Mr. Richard"

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Clueing you in about "Mr. Richard"
9
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 1:23am
Richard and I originally met in high school at 15y old. There was one passionate kiss that he says he will never forget, and he would sometimes take me for a ride on the back of his motorcycle. But back then we were really just friends that hung out together, never dating, never intimate. I married my ex-husband at 18y, and didn't see Richard for years.

Then several years after my divorce, Richard walked back into my life. We became lovers and were a couple for several years. He treated me so much better than my ex-dh ever did, and I grew very fond of him. But our lives were going in very different directions and it just was not the right time for us. Though we never fought, we had an on and off relationship for a few more years. Then life got in the way too much, and I didn't see him for 15 years.

A year ago April, I called Richard up out of the blue, and we picked up where we left off. That man seriously rocks my world, but last August he realized he was starting to feel committed to me and freaked. Well, to be totally honest, the serious direction we were heading, I think we both freaked. I will admit I do have feelings for him, but I don't know about love. At best, I can say I know I love my kids and yet there are days I'm not even sure about that! {smile}

Well, I tried to wait him out, but after 3 months of only talking on the phone, by November I realized I was done. I wanted to have a life, and felt it was time to move on. I was so unhappy, and he didn't seem like he would ever budge.

I managed to talk myself out of calling Richard every other time, but then in June I gave in. Well, we ended up talking and laughing for 2 hours! He seemed really happy to hear from me, and when we hung up he said we would have to talk again.

We talked again last week, and he was even more definite that we continue talking. He was so happy to hear from me and again we talked for a couple of hours. He said how much he enjoyed talking to me. I am trying to take it very slow and carefully. I would love to just say let's get back together right now, but I know that isn't the way to handle it with him.

I don't know where this is leading, if anywhere. I don't know if he even wants anything more than a phone friend. But I know he likes me a lot, and he talks about doing things together in the future. He wants to send me pictures of the plane he is currently training on and keeps talking about taking me flying like he promised.

I think that he got scared before because he was feeling pressured. I didn't think that I was doing that, but I am trying to look at it from his perspective and see what he was feeling. I'm afraid I was enjoying myself with him way too much at the time to see that....

I guess we will never totally be done with each other. I'm not sure if we will ever totally be *with* each other though. I am having a great deal of trouble reading him accurately and I am usually really good at that. But he is my oldest friend, and he makes me laugh. So I am taking it slow and enjoying the moment. Just listening to his voice makes me smile...

Well, that's my story...

~*~ Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:36am
Now that is one heck of a story. WEll, there is a reason this man is still in your life. To learn from, or to jump his bones! I vote for the 2nd one. lol NO, im kidding. WEll, you know what they say Catherine...."If it is meant to be, it will be!"

So, slow is good. Hang in there, and then out of the blue...things will just happen. Glad to know you got the hots for ole Rich!! heeee heeeee


Gail :)

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 11:03am
Hey, I'd vote for the 2nd one too! {grin!} There are days that I think I don't need anything more than to spend time in his arms...

But he wants more than that, expects more than that. He seemed hurt when he was afraid that was all I wanted in our relationship, yet he is afraid of more than that. He has never married, but has been in a couple of bad relationships. I don't think he bounces back as easily as I do. OK, maybe I don't bounce back easy - but I have been through so much more than him and I keep going!

He guards his heart so. He believes (in his head) that he doesn't feel anything for me, that his heart is hard. He said this ever so gently last summer, the last time I saw him in person. Still, it hurt so much that he could believe that. But his actions belie his words. If you had seen his face when he said those things, if you had seen his body language. He may as well have ripped out his own heart and stomped on it...

Everyone who saw us together said they could see how much he cares for me. They have commented on how his eyes follow me everywhere and he wants to be around me. How his face lights up when he talks to me, and how well he treats me. I don't know how to make him see that, but I have accepted that isn't my job to do so. He will only accept the truth when he is ready - if he ever is.

Unfortunately though, because he treated me so well, it's hard to find another man who compares...

~*~ Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 11:22am
Is he a Capricorn, or a Libra?

Just some sign talk for ya. I get off on this junk. It makes so much sense to me. I am a pisces and Mark is a Taurus and we get along like two peas in a pod. That was one of the first questions I asked him. How lame am I? lol

Gail

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 11:28am
Richard is Aries, I am Taurus.

~*~* Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 11:36am
AAA HAAA! He is a Taurus?! So, that is why he is so stubborn. Well now, that solves it. He just needs a push. Not pressure, just alittle set up of sorts. If it were me....(giggles)...I would invite him over or go to his place. Whichever suits the two of you. I would wear some perfume that had some vanilla base to it. Men were proven to be drawn to these scents specifically: Vanille, LAvender, and pumpkin. SO.....lol .....get a lavender candle, and light while you two have some wine or dinner. Both is better. Then, you could even have a pumpkin pie or dessert handy for him. lol

Now, when he asks "Are you trying to seduce me?"

You reply, "I will only answer if you tell me if it is working or not!"

(GIGGLES)

Now, this is just me. Not you, but I would definitely consider some influential events in the near future to spark ole Richard's juices!! lol

Gail

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 11:58am
No, no, no = you read it backwards! {smile}

*I* am the Taurus, he is Aries.

I'm supposed to be the stubborn one - which I am... {grin}

But I've done the type of thing you suggested when we were together - and then he says that I want it more than him! He pulls the old man card on me (he's only 50y old). Well, I don't buy it, because if I let him be the aggressor, well he is all over me!!

When I call him on that, he says it's my fault, because I am so enticing! Sorry, don't buy it... The first day we were together again after 15y apart, we were supposed to go to an afternoon movie and dinner. Well, we missed the movie and finally had dinner around 9PM!! {blushing}

No, I did the pressure, I did the push, and that's what scared him off. If it's not on his terms, he's not doing it. I need to get him to trust me again before I can be more obvious with my feminine wiles! {smile}

BTW, I have vanilla candles by my bed and in the bathroom. And he loves my waterbed and soft cotton sheets. I just need to entice him back more subtly!

Trust me... the waiting is killing me! I was so tempted to ask if I could drop in to see him when I drove into Toronto on Sunday, but I want our first time together again to be here. His mother lives with him, as her health is failing - and I don't want to have to be quiet... {grin}

Oh, and speaking of giggling, my 15y old says he can always tell when I am talking to Richard on the phone - because he says I giggle like a 16y old girl! {smile}

~*~ Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 12:11pm
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I dont much about Aries.

Damn, this guy is like Fort Knox! What is his deal? lol Playing the old man card! You crack me up girl!

Well, maybe he really is old. lol I mean, I feel old sometimes and yet I am only 27. lol


Well, keep working on him girl, and maybe...just maybe one day he will surprise you. lol


Gail

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 12:41pm
I always pull my "girl card" on him - so I figure he must be pulling the "old man card" on me.

I have been living on my own for 25y, raising 3 kids alone and building a business. I can do anything for myself and rarely have depended on anyone for help in all those years. If I couldn't do it, well, it just didn't get done - and I don't tolerate that well.

But Richard keeps trying to teach me how to change a flat tire, and I just tell him that's what I have a cell phone for! I have two grown sons that can fix cars, so I would just call one of them. But he keeps pushing that I need to know this, and so I pull my "girl card". I tell him, I don't have to, because I am a girl! {smile}

He gets exasperated...

~*~ Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 2:01pm
Oh, he is one of those types. lol The true gentlemen type. The ones that actually stand when a woman stands at the table.(I love that one!)

Well, I would have to agree with your side of things more. I am an independant woman myself and calling things "ours" is a problem for me now that I am divorced. I have worked too damn hard to get where I am to allow a man to come show me how to do something. Especially change a tire. Well, I have the " I will just show you I can", sort

of attitude. lol OK, well....thats me! lol So, goodluck with ole Rich there. Hope he comes around. Maybe his mother is the reason he is being this way. You said she is sick, right? MAybe that has alot to do wtih it. Well, you said he was always this way though. lol

Gail