Coffee again...
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Coffee again...
| Mon, 03-14-2005 - 8:52am |
well I'm having coffee again with "in need of therapy" man!! Our first meet was coffee, then we had dinner and now he's asked me to go for coffee again tomorrow night. Should I charge him by the hour for the talk!!?? Just kidding. But seriously, he is a really nice guy, hard working, intelligent, good looking...so I'm not going to brush him off too quickly. I'm still keeping all options open of course, and it's always nice to have a new 'friend'. Whatever, I'm getting out of the house!!

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donna...
Quick question from Pianoguy.
Do you enjoy the idea of "getting out and enjoying a free cup of coffee?"
No, no, don't keep your emotions in check!! Let it all out!! I love your posts.
amjay
The only problem with this scenario is if he thinks it's a date-date, and you're going in with this mindset of "I have nothing better to do and he needs someone to talk to and I could always use a friend".
I hate seeing guys strung along, whether intentionally or unintentionally (which is much more common), by women. Even if you don't mean to do it and have good intentions, a lot of the time y'all will do stuff like that without being 100% clear in your intentions.
I was in a store the other day and there were two worker types helping me. One was a guy and one was a girl, and they were just kind of chatting while waiting for a computer printout to come for me to take to the register.
She was mentioning how she had a date that night, well it wasn't REALLY a date but just a good friend that she really got along with and wanted to spend time with, blah blah blah... being blunt, I just interjected "Who's paying?"
"Um, he is, I guess" she said.
"Okay, does he want to see you naked at some point in the future?" I asked. (Yes, I actually asked this. The workers were both in their 20s and I didn't much care if I offended them.)
"Ummm... well yeah he wants to date me", she said.
"So have you been totally clear with him and said that you have no intention of dating him on a romantic basis?" I asked.
"Well, I might want to someday in the future, I just don't want to right now, and we've been good friends for some time", she said. (Note what she did NOT say: She didn't say "yes, I told him that", which is the same as saying "no, I haven't said that to him")
By now the guy worker is just about laughing because he totally knows where I'm going with that.
I told her "Look, you're completely abusing this guy- if you don't want to date him then just SAY SO to him, but this dating-without-really-dating thing is kind of a (crappy) thing to do." (I didn't really say crappy, but I can't say what I really said, if you know what I mean.)
She looked surprised- not that I said "(crappy)" but that she hadn't really thought of it that way.
It's women doing stuff like this to clueless guys that turns them (the guys) into complete jerkheads later on in life.
She had to go do something and me and the guy chatted a bit about it.
"Been there, been that guy" he said.
I agreed and we both had a moment of silence for the poor slob who will, odds are, be springing for more dinners and movies and stuff like that whenever this gal doesn't have a boyfriend to hang out with.
And before anyone jumps on me, it's not the money. It's the time AND the money AND (perhaps most importantly) the emotional commitment that this guy is putting forth. (Yes, boys have emotions too, even if we don't like to admit it.)
This gal KNOWS that he wants a date, as in "I hope to kiss you and grope you and eventually see you naked" kind of date.
And she KNOWS that right now, she's just in a "let's just hang out as pals" kind of mode.
She hasn't been totally honest with him, because she thinks there's a possibility of the future and she won't rule it out, either with him directly or with some dork (me) at her work that she's never met.
But that's just a lousy thing to do to someone.
Sooooo... Donna, and I'm not saying you're doing this, but if you are going in knowing that the odds are very very very much against ever seeing this guy naked (and let's face it, you're referring to him with some contempt, mocking him a bit by calling him "in need of therapy man") and you KNOW he's thinking of it more as a date... well, that's not a very nice thing to do and I think you should rethink your plan.
If, on the other hand, you've been 100% clear and told him there's no chance, now or ever, and that you're paying your own way and it's just a buddy-buddy thing, definitely NOT a date... then that's cool.
Sorry for my rant, but it's something that I've been meaning to say for a while now. I know that women have their own issues with putting a lot of expectations and emotions into a guy who doesn't want 'em, but since it's the guys who traditionally are doing the "chasing" (and spending the dough) I figured this was the thread to rant my little rant. :)
Amen, brother.
I'm still a perpetuator of this to some extent, but every year my resolution is to be more upfront and candid.
Well put.
Tracy
Puh-lease!
You can handle it.
Lisa
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