Coffee again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Coffee again...
37
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 8:52am
well I'm having coffee again with "in need of therapy" man!! Our first meet was coffee, then we had dinner and now he's asked me to go for coffee again tomorrow night. Should I charge him by the hour for the talk!!?? Just kidding. But seriously, he is a really nice guy, hard working, intelligent, good looking...so I'm not going to brush him off too quickly. I'm still keeping all options open of course, and it's always nice to have a new 'friend'. Whatever, I'm getting out of the house!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: donna710
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 8:21pm
NGOL - thanks for your response.
Actually though, I think it's him that's more in the 'it's not a date-date' thing. That's why I'm pulling back on the reigns on myself. And trying to be light-hearted about it. I'm going with no expectations, that way I won't be disappointed. I could be wrong of course. It would be great if he thought of it as a 'date'. I wouldn't mind.
Personally I would love to see him naked!!! wink wink.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: donna710
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 8:47pm
Yeah, sparkle, you're up at bat. I'm already working on one strike.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: donna710
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 9:08pm

I'm with you sparkle. I agree. How many guys string along a woman until they get her in the sack and then dump her? How many guys will say "you know, I really like you but I am not really looking for a commitment right now but it would be great if we could still hang out", then they sleep with her and dump her. Women get led on just as much as men, women are not all evil. Yes, women put themselves in line for that - we think that if we do this, he'll like us or want to date us. No, he won't. But guys are not stupid either. They can figure out if a girl really wants to date them - all they gotta do is ask!

And NGOL, who peed in your Cheerios this week? You have really been negative out here in most of your posts. Yes, in the past you have been brutally honest, but often you have had positive things to say and had some great feedback. But now, everything you say is criticizing the women out here for being nasty, game playing bi#%&es. I kinda thought now that you had the new woman that you might be a happier guy and give some more positive reactions. Instead, you seem like you are taking out every frustration you have on us.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: donna710
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 10:59pm

Hi Donna,

"If what you are doing is not working, Stop doing it!", ie, if you spent many years in a relationship that looks and feels like this one?......

I do not think that you are doing any harm to yourself being his Dr. Phil, as long as you understand that this might not Ever this become a romantic relationship. Don't put Any of your Easter Eggs in This basket!

Also, often we don't listen to exactly what these people are telling us...that he is emotionally unstable at this time, still has feelings for his ex, etc.--he is telling you, point blank, WHY he is not ready.

Don't delete,but do Add!

truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: donna710
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 12:04am

>>Personally I would love to see him naked!!! wink wink.<<

In that case, I think YOU should be buying. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: donna710
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 12:11am

>>How many guys will say "you know, I really like you but I am not really looking for a commitment right now but it would be great if we could still hang out", then they sleep with her and dump her.<<

Um, Vexer, do you really expect anyone to feel sorry for a woman who's stupid enough to sleep with a guy who tells her he's not into a relationship?

That's HER fault, not his, if she later feels bad about it. In your example, the guy TOLD her he didn't want a commitment! She knew what he was about! I have no pity for any woman dumb enough to have sex with a guy who tells her he doesn't want a commitment.

You're going to have to come up with a much better example than that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: donna710
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 8:02am

OK, I can't hold my tongue any longer.

BOTH sides are right. It's two sides of the same coin. In the abstract, it's not fair to string along ANYBODY who is interested in a relationship with you when you're not interested in one with them. It takes different forms for men and women. In GENERAL, men take 'free' sex and women take 'free' food. (BWAH!!!!! How appropriate is that?????)

But just because "lots of guys" do one thing is no reason to be careless with the feelings of one specific guy.

Now, play nice.

Sposa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: donna710
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 8:45am

How about the first example? The guy who wines and dines her until she sleeps with him and then he dumps her? HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

Also, I heard a story about a local sexual predator who used women with children to get to their kids so he could molest them. Not really a female thing to do.

My point is, you are playing men off as some kind of victims of women's evil manipulations. Yes, it happens, but most men are hardly victims. They are sticking around with this girl who never flat out tells them that she only wants to be friends because... most likely they want to get in her pants.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: donna710
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 8:56am
No, you misunderstand me! I am not justifying what women do because men do it too! I am just saying that it is unfair for NGOL to rail against evil women stringing men along when it is definitely a two-sided coin! I think you are saying what I wanted to say in a much more polite way because I was taking all his rants of the day and piling them together which WASN'T fair, but to me, neither was his attack on donna when SHE'S the one wanting more out of this not the other way around.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: donna710
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 9:00am
A rash goes away fastest when it isn't scratched.