Coffee again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Coffee again...
37
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 8:52am
well I'm having coffee again with "in need of therapy" man!! Our first meet was coffee, then we had dinner and now he's asked me to go for coffee again tomorrow night. Should I charge him by the hour for the talk!!?? Just kidding. But seriously, he is a really nice guy, hard working, intelligent, good looking...so I'm not going to brush him off too quickly. I'm still keeping all options open of course, and it's always nice to have a new 'friend'. Whatever, I'm getting out of the house!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: donna710
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 8:38am

yeah. And the other side of your coin is the men who say "oh baby baby I loooove you" until a girl gives in and sleeps with him. Then he disappears.

edited to add: well, looks like the girls already covered this point. Should have kept reading before posting. Oh well, just consider it another country heard from.




Edited 3/18/2005 9:40 am ET ET by sisfox


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: donna710
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 8:42am

So, everyone, which is worse??

Guy who invests a little time and money to get what he wants, and then doesn't.

Guy who lies to a woman to get what he wants, and then does.

Puhleeeese.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: donna710
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 3:28pm
They're both bad, because in both circumstances someone is lying to the other person to get what they want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: donna710
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 7:06pm

Hey, guess what, NGOL, I disagree. And I'll say so directly. LOL

I disagree that a woman is a liar if she accepts a date from a man knowing full well (or thinking she does) that nothing will come of it. I back up that opinion as follows:

1. it's a simple fact that women ALWAYS hope, on some level, that something will come from being with a man! You must have read all the posts here littered with "oh well, I think I'll give him another chance. You never know."

2. the dating stage is one rife with rules. We got 'em, guys got 'em, they are universal. Follow them not at your peril. One of those rules is that dating is about tire-kicking pure and simple. Neither Mr. Dude nor Ms. Dudette have any obligations to take things further. This board gets accused of being hard on people with our opinions and "jaded" view of the dating life, but that view came from real life situations.

3. A man certainly could become bitter if he "don't get none" from so many dates. But why does that man fail to realize that he is, to quote you, "the common denominator" in all those situations?? If a man can't get arrested let alone *whatever*, he needs to look in the mirror and find out what he's doing wrong.

4. Saying "I love you" without meaning it is foul play. And worse, it's cruel. It's cruel, NGOL, because love is exactly what every human being on the planet needs in order to thrive. So it's an essential element of life and to falsely dangle it in front of a person's eyes is despicable and inhumane.

amjay

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: donna710
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 7:19pm

Sorry, I have to disagree with you on this:

"it's a simple fact that women ALWAYS hope, on some level, that something will come from being with a man! You must have read all the posts here littered with "oh well, I think I'll give him another chance. You never know.""

I'm going out tonight with a guy I have decided FOR SURE that I don't want a romantic relationship with. I do not have ANY hope that something will come of this...in fact, I hope that he feels the same way, because otherwise I will feel bad for giving him the "let's just be friends" speech I feel I have to give him tonight. I will be giving him that speech because I don't want to feel that I have lead him on in any way, shape or form and I feel it's incumbent upon me to be upfront with him that I am NOT interested in him romantically (although I'd be delighted to be his friend).

If I weren't interested in him as a person, I'd just send a 'sorry, we're not a match' email but I do hope we can be friends. That, however, is up to him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: donna710
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 7:26pm

Sorry, I was referring to first meetings. You did give the guy a chance and made your decision.

Good luck tonight!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: donna710
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 7:48pm

Hi Yall,

I have to say that on both levels of the discussion here, I see your point.

If you are going out with the man with NO hope of a romantic relationship, NWW, then you plan to Tell him that and Not lead him on for free nights out, and I Totally respect you for that. Many of us could go out 3 or 4 times a week and go everywhere we want and Never spend a cent. Maybe a great social life for some, but I find that hollow and feel I would be using a man, letting him Think there is remote chance, when I Know there is not. As with you NW. honesty will abide, and that is good and fair.

As far as 'holding out' well, I have tried waiting and then not waiting, and I cannot tell if it did some good Either way! We had that discussion here about a guy calling the day after sex, and one of the men here said "Hey, I have learned, I will from now on"--this is SO opposite planet and So typical of male/female dynamics!

I feel like I am TOO jaded..New Man has been great,we have had so much fun,but he did not call last night--1 night, and now I am thinking he is gonna cancel our date for tommorrow night!(4th in 10 days--good, I think!) Why? Because there seem to be more Ghosts on earth, than there are real Humans!!! I do Not want to be suspicious or trail someone...Have Mercy, not me at all!

Does anyone else feel this way?

Truly,
Cupcake

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