Compare the TWO TUESDAY..(m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Compare the TWO TUESDAY..(m)
7
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 9:51am
Good Morning all. I just wanted to post a question or poll for a discussion. I am curious to know how all of you feel about two particular topics. I want you to compare the two and tell me how they may differ or seem to be related.

On line dating has its stereotypes attached to it, and it doesnt seem to be the normal way to date, but seems to be becoming more of a trend in today's scene. Now, take the reality shows. The Bachelor, or the Bachelorette, Joe Millionaire, Married byu America, and many more... Now, obviously the television industry itself is based on ratings and has no real concern for finding someone a mate. I am not sure how each couple has turned out, but it seems that the Bachelorette (Trista and Ryan) are the only two that are actually going through with marriage. Now, my comparison questions are as followed:

1.) How do you compare these types of match making or dating techniques?

2.) Do you feel that on line dating, match ads and such or better and more serious than any of the reality shows for match-mating or visa versa?

So, that is my two comparison questions and feel free to add anything else you want to say about the topics at hand. I just thought I would bring this discussion to the table, since I am curious what you all think about it. I personally feel that the shows are not really trying to find matches, only ratings. I notice it is more about money than anything else. Even with the MR. Firestone, Bachelor himself...he acts as if he is really looking to find "the one", but it seems that being on television with all those women and the publicity he is bringing to "Firestone" with his debut, is more important. I guess some people get into these shows, which is entertaining I agree, but the morals and basis of why they are doing them, is beyond me. Anywho...thats me, now your turn. Tell me what you think!

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 10:47am
My thoughts on this:

1.) How do you compare these types of match making or dating techniques? I think this is all just a show. Not real match making. It is purely based on ratings and reality TV is just gotten extremely outrageous with all the shows. I have gotten caught up into watching them but would much prefer something on the Discovery channel or Biography.

2.) Do you feel that on line dating, match ads and such or better and more serious than any of the reality shows for match-mating or visa versa? I thinking dating sites are a bit better because you can have real conversation it is more intimate on a one on one and not 20, 10, or even 5 others at the same time. You may have to go through plenty of duds online but hey I'd rather have a guy I can be one on one with and talk to and see how he is. On these shows of course you don't get to see temper etc.. Which are big for me. I like to ask then watch. They never have to come home one day from work and be stressed and these women are talking to these guys. That's my biggest thing how is he when he gets back home when day to day life comes to part they leave the show not really knowing the person fully when online you can talk then meet etc.. And find out what you want which is better because some show their true colors early and some late but you will see it and not after fighting for him with 20 other women.


Good question

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 11:43am
How do you compare these types of match making or dating techniques?

2.) Do you feel that on line dating, match ads and such or better and more serious than any of the reality shows for match-mating or visa versa?


I don't think you can compare - because there are so many different ways to approach meeting someone through an on line dating site, a chat room, someone just sending you an instant message. To me it is not dating until you meet in person so "on line dating" to me means just the way you initially meet so that you can set up an inperson meeting shortly after - so it has nothing to do with reality shows since I am not falling in love with the fantasy of a person (as I see it) or his "image" in the way he types, uses words as a writer or talks on the phone.

For those people who believe that a romantic relationship can be carried on just through typing and talking on the phone, I would say there is more of a means of comparison - both have the large risk of the huge fantasy element, the sense of urgency and pining that can often be mistaken for true feelings of love and caring, and also the sense that it is so much easier to just walk away when the going gets tough - the people on the reality shows can just throw in the towel if the other person as much sneezes wrong, and a person who just instant messages or talks on the phone knows deep down that cutting all ties is so much easier than if there is a solid in person relationship where you see the other person on a regular and consistent basis.

I do not include cyber friendships in this category - I do believe a friendship can be developed - a close friendship - through just being penpals and phone calls - I had a pen pal for over 15 years and we really bonded. But for a romantic committed relationship, that is a whole different story to me.

Just my thoughts - good questions!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 12:50pm
Marie, I totally agree. The shows are totally outrageous now. It seems like they thrive on the drama of it. It is definitely ratings. I am hooked as we all are, but its a total joke really. What about that silly All American Girl?! lol I totall been watching that lately. Dont ask me why?! lol While I am doing laundry, I will tune in. lol Im guilty. lol

Gail
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 1:01pm
I agree with you on the taking something off line, you will not know anyone really and truly until it is in person. I honestly think though, that even the television show sets up a fantasy for these people and then once the cameras are off, you have to get to know this person all over again. On television they may be told to do certain things, or go certain places with that person, and maybe they wouldnt normally do those things. Television is more rehearsed than we realize. Again, ratings. I think it can happen the same way though on line. You meet someone on line and you think one way about them, and then when you meet them in person and it could be different. In some of the worse case scenrios, you could have someone lying to you and you will never know until you take it off line.Like I said, a fantasy of this person before you take it off line. NOW, you on the other hand, probably dont have to ever worry about falling for someone's fantasy persona, since you meet them right away. Which is good for you. Some of us just live in la-la land, I guess. lol So, I suppose that is why I still watch the freakin bachelor every week to see who he will pick! lol Anywho! Glad to see your post. Thanks for the great answer.

gail
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 2:18pm
I totally agree - both are fantasy to a certain extent - and yes yes yes I watch every week - but limit myself to the bachelor for now - sorry but I cannot stomach watching that show that Monica L. hosts (Mr. Personality). Then again I also love the Today Show Plans a Wedding - I am such a sucker for all of that and more confessions - I watched Married By America - well not every episode . . . . but most. ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 3:23pm
Someone said something about the Mr. Personality on the radio this morning!! They said that all the men looked like some character off of Power Rangers! lol lol I know, I really dont understand why they keep grasping for this type of show. Then, when they take off the mask, they all have flat hair, so of course they are all gonna look crazy! lol All the shows are hilarious really...lol

gail
Avatar for salsal2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 9:01am
Hi just want to say I was really touched by Deena's post about how easy it is to feel one can cut off all ties if one has not yet met in person, but is at the stage when one still only instant messages or talks on the phone, and has not yet formed a solid in person relationship where you see the other person on a regular and consistent basis. I am from the LDR board, i met this guy online and have promised to wait till he can fly out here so we can meet and talk in May but this morning i got so upset during chat (stuff from the past) that i just signed off and was thinking of dropping the whole thing.

Deena's post made me realise with some shame that i was welching on my part of the promise (since he is taking time off his medical practice and spending all the money and flying out here) and i wrote him an email saying "I'm still here." Just wanted to say thanks for reminding me feelings ARE formed, and even if they're not totally realistic, okay, they are still strong enough for one to get hurt...

Sal.