Compatibility

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Compatibility
3
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 11:52pm

Sean, the "lunch guy" has stayed in touch all week. Sometimes via IM, sometimes on the phone (like right now) he's contacted me every day since our lunch date last Friday. (We're having lunch tomorrow.)

I like talking to him, and I feel encouraged by his interest (however mild it may be). However, as I get to know him via the phone and IM as well as our meetings, I get the feeling that part of the reason he hasn't been in a hurry to ask me out to dinner or something in the evenings is that he really doesn't like to go out most evenings because he is too tired. Maybe it is only these last two weeks because the project he is on is taking him a lot of time and energy. But he is always talking about working hard and being tired.

Talking to him tonight, I also found that he doesn't care for "loud music" and that he isn't very involved in the local nightlife. Now, I'm not either, but that is because I have no one to go places with. He, apparently, is not interested.

Which sort of brings me back to square one. I never thought of "being willing to stay up late to have fun" as a "must have," but I am discovering that it is. I spent too many years married to a man who thought the day ended at 9:00 PM. Not again.

I'll wait and see what happens tomorrow and if he asks me out for an evening date for next week. However, I am not hopeful. And even if he does, it may be like the guy I dated last, who actually took along earplugs to a concert! Why is it that all the guys who want to date me are not interested in a little nightlife?

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 10:15am

Just an update to my dating of Sean the lunch guy.

We had lunch yesterday, and as before it went well--we are obviously compatible in many ways. In the evening, he IMed me and we talked for a while before we both had to go to bed.

He did not ask me for another date, just said something about next week we could maybe get together for dinner. (Yes, he said DINNER.) He did say that this weekend he had to go out of town to help his brother-in-law with something, so that would explain why no date this weekend.

I have very mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he is pleasant to be with, intelligent, not bad looking. I think he finds me attractive. He certainly has made a point of seeing me again (we've met in person three times since our initial contact less than two weeks ago), he talks like he enjoys my company.

But as I said in my previous message, he seems to be pretty tired a lot of the time, and he doesn't seem to be looking for companionship for evening activities. Maybe it's because one of the things that bothered me in my marriage was that my ex never wanted to stay out after 9 PM or so, but to me that is one thing that is very important. I am a night owl. I am not looking for a guy who wants to stay home all the time.

So we'll see. As there is no one else on the horizon (I've been e-mailing some guys on Yahoo, but nothing promising) I can only wait and see if this "relationship" will give me some of the things I want. At least it looks like he's going to be a friend, but I wish it were a friend who likes to go out at night instead of another lunch buddy!

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: elarisa
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 6:02pm

Elsa, I'm glad lunch went well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 6:25pm

Hi Devorah,

Yes, I'll certainly give dinner a shot. But I am finding his slowness to ask me out for a weekend totally unnerving. I don't think it's me who is giving out confusing vibes here. One moment he sounds really interested, the next moment he's like, "I am so tired. I am so busy. I will talk to you soon and maybe we can go out next week."

Today I saw him briefly when both of us were coming in to work. We chatted and he asked what plans I had for the weekend. I said nothing much, a bit of housework to catch up on but mostly resting and goofing off. I thought he might suggest that we do something, but instead he told me about how he needs to do something or other in his garden and something else to his car and how this project he is working on is taking up all his time.

I don't know what is going through his mind, but I think he just many not be that interested in dating at the moment.

Anyway, I will hang in there. It's not as though I had men lining up to take me out. And, as I said, I think he is going to be a friend.

Elsa