Confused- great 1st date to stood up
Find a Conversation
Confused- great 1st date to stood up
| Fri, 12-30-2005 - 7:14pm |
Here's what I've experienced.
If a guy is interested in you after the 1st meeting he...
1) WILL try to arrange a second date within the 1st meeting date timeframe
2) He will call you or email you within 24 hours just to say he had a good time
3) He will call you at the latest the Weds. prior of weekend he wants to go out again
4) He will call to confirm and just to say 'Hi' mid-week
5) He will speak in future terms...mentioning upcoming concerts and stuff that he would like to attend
7) He doesn't mention sex and says he'd like to take it slow
8) Shares other phone numbers besides his mobile number
That's it.
Edited 12/30/2005 7:26 pm ET by arial700

#8 is my big pet peeve. If he only gives you his cell phone number, it does NOT mean he is married and it does NOT mean he is hiding anything.
I only have a cell phone. Landlines are just too expensive. My only other number is my work number, which I don't give out unles it's someone I've known for a while. I certainly wouldn't give it to a man who I'd only met once. So - everyone gets the cell phone number. My friends (all men) are the same way. None of them have anything but a cell phone. Doesn't mean they are married (actually, only one is, and he and his wife use cell phones only).
Sorry, the cell phone accusations just really bother me. :-)
Though I do agree with most that you said, I have to say to be careful of having too many rules and expectations of how a guy should behave... Some of the folks I know who are in great relationships didn't necessarily follow any rules.
I will say that if a guy is interested, he will make it known. But that doesn't necessarily mean it will happen at the time we expect.
"5) He will speak in future terms...mentioning upcoming concerts and stuff that he would like to attend"
Beware the FutureSpeak. Lots of times (in my experience and that of lots of folks on this board) a woman hears "he wants to take ME to the U2 concert in March so he must really like me and thinks we'll be dating then!" when all he's really saying is "U2 is coming in March. I'd really like to see them." Whether you'll be there or not is not even on his radar screen.
Sometimes they even use the FutureSpeak as a subtle ploy to (gasp!) get you into bed sooner.
Tracy
Hi arial700,
It's a fairly accurate list but it has some flaws:
1) WILL try to arrange a second date within the 1st meeting date timeframe
This is true but men are advised against doing this because it makes them come across as too keen and clingy.
2) He will call you or email you within 24 hours just to say he had a good time
This is also true. But if he has arranged a 2nd date during the 1st date then calls the next day he will appear even more insecure and clingy.
3) He will call you at the latest the Weds. prior of weekend he wants to go out again
This is almost perfect.
4) He will call to confirm and just to say 'Hi' mid-week
If he arranged a Saturday date on Wednesday there is no need to do this.
5) He will speak in future terms...mentioning upcoming concerts and stuff that he would like to attend
Maybe
7) He doesn't mention sex and says he'd like to take it slow
He definitely should not talk about any of the above. "Taking it slow" means he isn't really into you. If he is keen but cool and level headed he will convey his feelings through actions not words.
8) Shares other phone numbers besides his mobile number
Maybe.
--------------------------------------------------
The new improved list would be something like this:
1) On the 1st date he makes you feel comfortable. He doesn't mention sex or relationships (past or future). He doesn't need to say he wants to take it slow because he is confident and has self-control.
2) If the first date was on a Saturday, he will call you the following Tuesday to arrange a date for the next weekend. If the date was on a Sunday he will call you the following Wednesday. Generally speaking he will (should) not call the next day to arrange a 2nd date.
3) He doesn't cancel or postpone the 2nd date. The only 2 things that will prevent him from making it are death or coma. If he breaks the 2nd date he isn't into you, NO EXCUSES!
The reason I have changed your list is because men aren't always sure the woman is interested. So, the mans list is simple and should look like this:
1) She will call you or email you within 24 hours of the 1st date just to say she had a good time.
2) She will accept a 2nd date without any hesitation. If she “ums and ahs”, forget it.
Edited 12/31/2005 3:29 am ET by hal_9000
Yes, and I've had everything happen that the original poster mentioned and still have them bail on me. Trusting that the next guy will be true to his word is pretty hard when you've gone through the same steps a number of times only to be let down once again.
That "future" talk means nothing to me now. It's just conversation, and it doesn't mean that he won't change his mind by the next date or two.
i don't agree w/ all of it and do agree there are no rules BUT usually i have found a guy will secure a date w/ you at the end of the date or call you right away w/in a day or so, they won't let time pass.. the ones that secure dates ahead of time are usually a sure sign they are looking for a r'ship and want to move it along and get to know YOU>
the thing I totally disagree w/ and is more often a red flag than anything is any Kind of "future talk" in the beginning.. this is too fast and usually a sign that could mean it worked before for them, for players ot move fast s the girl believes oh wow he really likes me but generally speaking what does someone know about you after date 2, to invite you to a U2 concert 3 mths down the road.. future speak to me too soon is a red flag. someone who takes their time , secures date and is consistent w/ actions and calling is the best advice to know if someone is interested.