Confused with no on-line responses
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| Fri, 08-26-2005 - 6:54pm |
I've been trying the on-line dating again in the last few months. One thing has been confusing to me and I hope some of you can answer it. I've sent out some e-mails (not winks/icebreakers) and I haven't received a single response. In my e-mails I keep them short with a few open ended questions, usually a compliment/flirt, and mention something from their profile where we match. It ends with a way to contact me outside of that service if they're not subscribers, written in a spelled out way where the autoedits wouldn't revise or delete them. (I've tested this out before.)
Where I'm confused is that I'm receiving no responses after several weeks--positive or rejects. (I would appreciate rejects over not knowing.) My question is that why are women sitting on my e-mails without doing one or the other? A few years ago when I was on, if someone didn't respond within two weeks, I generally wrote them off as not interested since them deleting didn't indicate it. On Match.com today, if someone deleted my e-mail, it would let me know they're not interested, (which again I tested) so I know they aren't deleting them. Are they holding onto them waiting for a second e-mail to see if I'm truly interested, too overwhelmed with other contacts, or some other reason?

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Thanks for the reply and offer to review, however I don't feel I need to post my profile or e-mail examples. My e-mails are not a book, only a few short paragraphs and a means to contact me outside of the service (which bypasses their auto-edits.)
My concern isn't receiving a positive response (however I'd like those)but rather feel it's odd they aren't clicking the "No Thanks" or even deleting them (which would let me know there is no connection). I just found it odd they'd have it sit in their inbox for 2-4 weeks without contacting me, clicking "No thanks", or delete it. I didn't know if there's something else I'm missing.
Thanks for the comments!
Many people hate those 'no thanks' responses, and would rather have no response.
if i am not interested i dont respond either (i am one of those who dont send the "no thank you" either...i just happen to think no response gives the same idea but isnt so in-yer-face-i-dont-like-you...life is hard enough..who needs to "hear" it? LOL)
And you dont see a "delete" if the mail is read. Deleting would be the mail is not even read. (I think ...correct me if wrong).
I wouldnt take it too personally ...especially match.com is soooooooooooooo vast that you probably have to email a lot of women just to have the correct percentage of chance. (hope that makes sense).
I'd rethink Firstamendment's offer of other posters' review of your profile....its free advice but you must be willing to see it as helpful rather than just out and out judgemental criticism. It takes a lil guts to do so (to expose oneself in any situation) but this is a pretty cool forum with lots of knowledgeable WOMEN of all walks of life etc...aka general public... it can be very valuable ....where else could you bounce that off of people who will be honest (friends can be helpful but still editorial in comments because of not wanting to hurt potential feelings).
Firstamendment had a really good point about pictures to. Match is right when they encourage pictures and that it exponentially increases chances of response. do you have a pic posted? (i cant recall if you said or not).
regardless of your plan...good luck!!!
Lizzie
Thanks for the advice. I do have several photos, all casual and one nicer shot, with my dog with me in one of the casual photos, so that shouldn't be an issue.
I have verified that when you do delete the e-mail (on Match) it will tell me there is "No Connection." As a paying member (so I can send e-mails), it will tell me it's "My turn" on received e-mails/winks or "Her turn" on my sent e-mails. If one were to reject or delete the e-mail, then it says "No Connection." I tested this out with a friend on-line, where she deleted my e-mail through there, then it revised from "Her turn" to "No connection". That's why I'm confused since they apparently have not been deleted out of their Match inbox.
BTW--men prefer the "No thanks" since it let's them know since some people expect multiple e-mails before they send a response. :) Generally I assume no response within two weeks means they're not interested.
Thanks for your help.
I would conclude they are not interested. I don't respond to those I'm not interested in, because I hate getting "thanks but no thanks" emails myself. And I don't even look at my match inbox...I just read emails in my regular email.
You mention that your emails are several paragraphs long...that seems long to me. A couple sentences referencing her profile and why you decided to write to her seem sufficient to me, followed by a way to contact you. But, I doubt that's the reason you're not getting any responses...I think if I found someone's profile interesting, I'd respond even if their initial email was a little long ;-).
I'm just grasping at straws here...but do you by any chance mention sex in your profile? Or have a picture posted that has a woman in it?
Sheri
Thanks for the comments.
No, I did not have anything inappropriate in my photos. There are no other women, not cropped, I'm not shirtless or in a muscle shirt, and they show both a head shot and a full length shot.
I have also never mentioned sex/politics/religion on any e-mail nor in my profile.
The several paragraphs are a few sentences each--not a page long--probably as long as the start of this message until this spot here--five sentences.
Good call on reading and deleting them out of your forwarded inbox--that might be the trick. It only notifies you if there is "No Connection" if it's deleted out of the Match inbox.
Yes, I have had some people tell me they don't respond unless they receive multiple e-mails to ensure whether they were interested rather than "spamming."
I have had some positive responses before, so I don't think my profile/photos/e-mails are issues. Match did some reformatting a month ago where these "Her turn", "Your turn", and "No Connections" would appear, also deleting or revising alternate e-mails to their talkmatch. (Yes, my e-mails do have an alternate e-mail which bypasses their filter.) Prior to that time, when I received no response after two weeks, I knew they weren't interested, and figured they deleted them. Now I know if that happens, I should know, unless it's only deleted out of their inbox and they wait for the auto delete, which are possibilities. I'll assume that is the reason.
Thanks!
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