Could he have left any more quickly...?
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| Sun, 03-18-2007 - 10:05am |
St. Paddy's Day was a lot of fun. A nice dinner followed by jazz club, back to my place, and R and I crashed, after some kisses (but no sex of any kind, just making out). It was a lot of fun. He asked a lot of q's and seems to like me. He was discussing where he'd like to take me for dinner the next time, what kind of wedding I want, what my pet peeves re guys are, etc. We drank a bit, but nothing got too out of hand.
I woke up this morning slightly hung over, so I got in the shower and closed the BR door so as not to wake him up.I got out of the shower and he was up and said he had to head out cause they were delivering mulch to his house some time today. It seemed kind of abrupt to me. He gave me a really nice hug and said he'd call later and I am sure he will, but no coffee ore breakfast? I am maybe reading too much into this, but it seemed almost like he was raring to take off, which according to "He's Just Not that into You," is not a good sign (?)
He told me he will call me later and I know he will, but I am having a hard time reading him. Any thoughts?
Thanks,
GB

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Wow, you are not the first one to say that. If that's the case then, I guess it's better to not hear from him. The thing is that he seemed really interested in me, finding a relationship, etc.
I thought that letting him stay was what scared him off, feeling like he had moved too fast and had been feeling guilty, but you know, with my last serious BF, I recall crashing at his place on night no. 1 and we slept fully clothed, but there was a ton of chemistry. We were together 1 1/2 years, so this feels a bit highschoolish to me. We are both consenting adults. He (seemed) pretty responsible, having a 10 year old son that he is the sole custodian of, etc.
He did text message me (ugh) while I was at work to say he would call me "later that night...if I could talk, that is," but no call.
Honestly, he really could be busy, but if he's 'just not that into me,' he coul dhave easily emailed me. Trust me, I use email all the time to avoid confrontation!
We'll see what happens.
Gal Blondie
I think one of "our" biggest problems is that we women tend to look for things we've done or said that may have caused a man to stop calling. If he doesn't call, don't worry about whether you caused him to disappear. Just accept that you likely weren't compatible and it wasn't an issue of fault and move on. We can't all be compatible and we should try to not get our feelings hurt when a man isn't interested enough to persue a relationship.
Good luck. I hope he calls before you are annoyed enough to no longer be interested in him.
Thank you. That was really sweet of you to say...and so true. We do tend to second guess ourselves when we don't hear from them. I was talking to my best friend of 10 years last night, and I was asking if I should not have sent an email the next day, she said, "Don't even sweat it, don't second guess yourself over every little thing." And she's right. I am for the most part a pretty well-adjusted, confident person.
When you get excited about someone and things look like they are good to go, it really does throw you when you don't hear from them.
He actually texted me last night, saying he'd call later if I could talk, I told him I was out of work at 8, but again, never received a call. It just seems to me that he could have easily dropped me a line to let me know what was up. Like I said, if I am not into someone, I have a much easier time just emailing them a polite, IJNTIY, but good luck.
So it seems like if there was no interest, he would just do that, rather than tell me he will call and text me that he will, with nada.
Gal Blondie
Actually, he texted me this morning. I really wasn't expecting to hear anything back from him. He said he passed out at 8:30 last night and asked if he could call me this afternoon. I told him that I would not be free until 5:30, when I will be done at work, and to have a swell day. He texted me again, saying "you too kid, I admire how you change lives." (I work with kids). Now I am dreading the call.
I am not gonna sleep with him, and I don't want to talk to him if he's 'dumping' me. Seriously, email works fine for that!
Not sure what to think and my feelings are kind of hurt.
Gal Blondie
"We do analyze a lot and I bet I can speak for most women why we analyze so much. It's because most of the time guys just disappear without a trace after the first few dates or sometimes the first couple of months. It's like if we look at them wrong sometimes they will run or the slight mention of commitment or what we are looking for in a partner will send the guys running for the hills. Do you really blame us for overanalyzing?"
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I don't really *blame* women for doing it; I think they can't help it. It's just how y'all are wired. Kind of like how many/most men are wired visually; a hot babe walks past and we look. Do you blame us for that?
(Answer: Yes, pretty much. We can't win.)
When guys just disappear... they just weren't that into you in the first place. That's the funny thing about the whole overanalyzing thing; there's nothing much to really analyze in the first place! It's not your shoes, or something you said, or whatever... he's just not that into you.
My now-ex-gf is an overanalyzer. She did it while we were together, and she's doing it now that we're apart. We've talked a few times and I've tried to explain, but she's convinced that the whole thing broke down because I never really gave her the reassurance she needed, and since she wasn't feeling very self-confident it made her act crazier and crazier seeking it, and when we broke up and I told her that I cared a lot about her that was all she needed and everything will be fine now.
No, it really won't, because the REASON that I never really said "man, I'm so in love with you" is because I wasn't. We just don't fit. She's a sweet, smart, funny woman, and by all surface criteria we should be a screaming good fit, but we're just not, and that's how it goes. Nothing much to analyze.
When you ladies meet the RIGHT guy, a mention of what you're looking for or (gasp) commitment won't send him running for the hills; since he'll be into you, too, it'll be easy and a relief.
And again- nothing much to analyze.
But then, I'm a guy, and we tend to think much more linear than women, so I'm probably wrong. It's like the joke- if a man is in the forest and says something but there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? :)
He did call, but he called me 15 minutes before I was leaving for work, knowing I wouldn't be outta there until 5:30. Then he tried to text me at 10 PM asking if I was still awake so we could chat. I just said 'I'm going to bed shortly. What's up?'
I didn't hear back from him. I feel like if he may have tried, but at the same time, if he doesn't want to call, etc. why give the intention of "trying?" Why not just a) dissappear or b) send me an email saying what's up?
Maybe I am overreacting. I am not sure.
Gal Blondie
I'm not trying to be harsh here, but I want to point out the fact that you keep asking the same questions. Do you notice that? If he wanted to talk to you, he'd find a way. If he wanted to really connect he would have called when he said he would. To me, he's stringing you along.
The fact that you're still in this limbo should tell you a lot...
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