Is this crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Is this crazy?
4
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 6:35pm
I've been reading these posts for a few weeks now trying to get advice but i thought it was time that i asked you all myself.
I've met a guy online and we've been emailing 4 or 5 times a day, phoning each other a couple of times a week and i've discovered he is a really, really great guy. In his photos, he looks like the kind of guy i would choose to meet. When i showed my friends his pictures, they were all saying he was definitely my type. Now my question is, i guess, is this all crazy? Am i setting myself up to be hurt. The reason i ask is because i live in Australia, he in America. Am i wasting my time and energy talking to this guy who, if i ever meet, won't be for many, many months? I've never done this whole internet dating thing before and we met by chance on a totally non-dating website but just started emailing each other, so it's not like i was looking either.
I am totally confused and i don't know what to make of it all. I would really appreciate some advice, any advice!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 6:40pm

If you're looking for more than a penpal, then YES, it's a little crazy ;-). I don't think that you can form ANY opinion as to how great he is until you meet and spend a significant amount of time together in person. If you can keep your interaction at the platonic friends level at least until you're able to meet, great, but don't go imagining yourself to be "in love" with someone you've never met.

I would focus on meeting people online with whom you can actually have an in-person relationship (i.e., men who live close to you). If and when you get to meet this man, great, but in the meantime, don't count on it coming to anything.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 7:30pm
I agree with Northwestwanderer on this but this is probably because I have a more realistic view on relationships. It's hard to get to know someone and start a real/lasting relationship when all you are able to do is talk to this person on the phone and over emails. Spending quality time together in person is the only way you get to know someone. I'm not saying it definately won't work because sometimes situations like this do. Keep writing him, maybe keep him as an option, but if you are looking for something that has a better chance of developing into a real relationship and someone who you don't have to wait to meet then I would date others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 2:00am
Thanks for the advice girls, you are right. I have a quick question though, if i do meet someone else, is it ok to keep emailing and chatting to this guy on the phone in the hope of one day meeting him? Or is that wrong and unfair? Just wondering your thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 2:36am
I believe if you meet someone and start having feelings for that person or becoming exclusive then it would be fair to tell this guy, but everyone has their own opinions on what they feel comfortable with or want to do.