Critical Men
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| Tue, 05-30-2006 - 11:38am |
I seem to keep meeting and/or talking with men that can't resist trying to put me down in some way before breaking-off contact. For ex., one man said that going to counselors (which I admitted I do) was like "buying friends" and he'd gotten past that. I'd been pretty level-headed about the situation with him until he made critical, or what could be interpreted as, critical comments, at least not supportive. Then, I wrote him trying to explain my position when it occurred to me that what he wanted was to be critical. Numerous times I've run into these men whose fathers were critical of them. Now, when they meet women they're looking for someone that will be critical of them or will put-up with their disagreeableness, usually alternating.
Normally, when someone started being less than affirming, I would assume they wanted to break-off contact with me but didn't have the guts to say so nor stop writing. But, no, I don't write for awhile, then they write me again. It's like the first hit wasn't enough, they have to come back for more. They don't break-off contact completely until I call them on their immature behavior, either directly or indirectly. A guy summarily dismissing a girl after sleeping with her is like the ultimate diss (sp). That's why I wonder if these guys are just not that into someone, or if they're just big, immature jerks that are incapable of a real relationship. I can get almost any guy if I play into their stupid little dramas, but who wants them? Did I mention they're annoying?

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I feel your pain.
Yeah...I think "delete and block", the first time it happens, is the best way to deal with those guys!
Sheri
I find those people who communicate online (these boards are a prime example) find it easier to be in-your-face, critical, or any other behavior (usually not-so-polite) that people normally would not do if they were talking with you face-to-face.
Mark
Umm, not sure where the not sleeping comment came from but take it from a life-long chronic insomniac that this can be very real.
I've run into a lot of people (especially guys) who make critical remarks like the "buying friends" because they simply can't put themselves in your shoes. They don't realize they are being offensive; they just think they are showing how much smarter or more "together" they are.
My suggestion for when this happens is to confront it. Tell the guy that you are hurt by such comments. If you felt that way once and don't feel that way any more, say so. "I used to believe that but now I know better," is a great counter to a lot of putdowns. It implies that you are more enlightened.
Good luck!
I think you're reading too much into his comments.
I don't sleep well at all, I'm up and down all night I toss and turn all night, I think about things all night long, my mind goes all the time. If I don't keep my eyes closed and all the lights off while going to the bathroom at night and try and focus just on going pee I will think of something and not be able to fall back to sleep.
Insomnia is really not something made up.
You're right. Insomnia isn't made-up. I've suffered with it for years at a time. Of course, that was when I was a full-time student. However, I know anxiety contributes to sleeplessness. In retrospect, I know there were things I needed to get to the bottom of.
Vexer, I probably did read a little into his comments. There were a couple of emails in a row where I felt he was "testing" me. I guess it felt like I was losing. For some inexplicable reason, I really did feel strongly about this guy. It wasn't just romantic feelings but that I could like and enjoy him as a person. I guess it hurt that I felt I'd misread the situation.
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