Cyber Players?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Cyber Players?
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 9:44am
Has anyone met or had experiences with a guy online who constantly cheated on either lying 24-7 about there activities online etc? If so how did they confront them or end the relationship? Im having a hard time understanding why guys will play women like this, i just learned that a man i was having a 2 year relation with online whom i thought was w/me pretty exclusively, he is 40 im 37 yrs..has had a string of other women he is playing with as well..many of them 20something year old divorced gals..he has actually met many of them for real life affairs;(

Do guys do this for there self esteem? This guy was dumb enough to use his real email info in the personals and i actually found his ad..i was in shock..than it turned out he hid 4 different alias's from me in order to spend all his free time in the chats etc..pretty clever He was in a job where he travelled and would actually go to the city chats that would correspond with his travel plans in order to meet many of these women..I was shocked..

Why would a man play such mind games with these women? I believe a lot of people are naive, im considering myself one of the lucky ones cause things didnt feel right to me..and i investigated online..and turned up so much dirt on him it made my head spin..And to think we were planning on meeting, things had escalated in our relationship and we were actually in the process of planning a weekend getaway. I know now im ending all this cold turkey..but should i tell him what i know, that i played detective on him.. or keep it to myself and consider this a lesson learned..if anyone else has been involved in this kind od a relationship please share there experiences with me, im assuming that since he has so many other conquests ill be a past memory to him in no time at all, any advice out there? Im hoping im not the only woman who has had the unfortunate luck of meeting a man like this..its definitely changed my view of online dating;(

Lost in California..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 4:22pm
I don't think he had any obligation to be exclusive with someone he had never met - and he never really told you he was, right? If I chatted with someone on line I would never assume it was a real relationship in the romantic sense nor would I think there was any commitment until we met in person and dated exclusively and consistently for several months. Sure I have run into a few liars on line but since I always meet in person right away and investigate if need be the risk is less. A man you meet in a bar can also lie to you - of course - my advice to you is next time just have fun flirting on line, don't have expectations until you can meet in person and date consistently for several months.

I am sorry you had a bad experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 4:43pm
Just to let you know you are not alone. I am not sure if we share the exact kind of delima, but do know we share the same kind of decite. I have known a man online for almost 4 years and like you, thought I was exclusive. Seems I was wrong as well. I wish I had an answer to your question as to why men do this, if I did I would sure feel better. I have not ended the relationship as of yet. He did own up to some of his doings. Claims he has not had sex with any of these women he met. I guess I am kind of sadistic or something and want to see just how far he will go with his lies. I would like to ask you some questions if you would be willing on how you got so much information on your guy. I am having a hard time finding very much in depth stuff. I guess I want it so when I do decide to confront him he will have no way to lie, as I will have proof. Stupid I guess on my part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 11:16pm
Online dating will have it's share of players too. I've "met" men online who basically would e-mail me very infrequently, or if they called they would'nt give me their phone number, things like that. Basically, players will keep you at a distance and be inconsistent. I have never e-mailed a guy longer than a few weeks. If they are serious about finding love and a relationship, there is no reason why they wouldn't want to meet you as soon as possible. If they don't, unless they live far away, they have something to hide. Why would you correspond with someone for 2 years???? How can you be exclusive with someone you never met? Just keep that in mind, and try to find someone closer by who truly wants to meet you and begin a relationship. They are out there, you just fell for a bad one, good detective work though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 9:14am
Welcome to our board and I am truly sorry you had a bad apple out of the bunch. It does happen, but you have to move on and fast. There are some guys out there that can be this way and you just have to know how to avoid them is all. I wish you luck with any future men you meet on line, and hope you do let this one ruin it for all others they may be kind and honest to you. Post lots and join the fun!