cyber sex
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| Sun, 09-24-2006 - 12:32am |
Hi all.
Please be easy on me since I'm totally new to this.
I've been reading past posts and I've learnt a lot on this board, but I really haven't come across somebody with a similar dilemma as mine. I hope you can follow along because it's kinda confusing!
I've been IM'ing with someone I *met* on CL. The first 2 days were fascinating (we were IM'ing each other for about 3 hours a day).
On the 3rd day, we started talking about our past sex lives (I know, red flag right there). He said he found it quite "refreshing" discussing it. Before we began discussing our sex lives, he wrote that he was beginning to feel interest for me. At the end of that conversation for that night, I told him...sort of...that I was interested in him as well (I know, another red flag).
So, on the 4th and 5th conversation, we would talk about general stuff, then, after a while, like after the 2nd hour, he would ask if I wanted to talk dirty to him. I was slightly miffed on the 4th conversation. He asked me if I knew that "he liked , right?" I didn't participate in it.
On the 5th conversation, I asked him if he realized we were having cyber sex and he replied, "Uh huh." I told him I didn't feel right in doing that since we haven't even seen each other yet - I hadn't even heard his voice! So, he left a voice message on my cell phone that night.
Yeah, that's great and all, but what's bothering me is that at some point during our 5th conversation when I started up about the cyber sex and didn't want to participate in it, he wrote down "I wanted a little dirty talk ." And we had just previously discussed about whether he was a gentleman towards women and whether or not he respected their feelings towards having sex!
I don't know if leaving that voice message was to indicate his liking for me or to shut me up. I see another red flag, but I don't know. He's told me that if I didn't want to do it then, to let him know. After our 4th conversation, he had emailed me apologizing for asking me to participate because he was just feeling lonely.
Is this guy a pervert or what? Maybe he's a sexaholic? Is this even normal?
We're supposed to move from IM'ing to talking on the phone soon (he's with a friend this weekend). He said on the voice message that "we'll talk sometime this week or next weekend."
Opinions? Advice? Please help.

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No, I'm not just up for sex. I really would like to be in a serious relationship.
What do you think about this one?:
In the past 10 years, he's had 5 serious relationships. You figure, each relationship lasted around maybe 2 years, or 3 tops, let's say. Does knowing that information indicate that he's not a serious type of person? (We're both in our mid 30s and have never been married before.)
His last relationship, I think, ended last year. He's said that he's had a lot of first dates since then, but not a lot of second dates. Is that another indication of something?
Please forgive me for not seeing clearly on this situation.
You have no idea what "serious" means to him. For all you know, "serious", for him, means "we were having sex a couple times a week and I wasn't seeing anyone else". And he could be lying altogether. You don't know at this point.
In other words, you can't judge ANYTHING from his words. But his actions are another story. His actions tell you he is the type of guy who thinks that having cyber sex with a stranger is a cool thing. And to me, that means he's not a respectful person who places any sort of value on sexual intimacy. It's meaningless to him and he'll likely engage in it with whoever he can find to go along with it (and there are plenty of women who will--I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, if that's what you want, but if you're looking for a serious LTR, men who engage in cyber sex at the drop of a hat with strangers is NOT a good dating pool to look in!).
The lots of 1st dates, few 2nd dates could mean a lot of things, some positive, some negative--but one possibility is that he creeps women out when they meet him in person.
Sheri
One thing I would add is that it is very hard to go backwards in a dating situation - if he's talking to you about sex and he hasn't even met you - what do you think he's going to expect when you meet? I agree with the others, this guy is a little inappropriate - he could be just having fun and turn out to be a stand up guy; but the odds are not in his favor.
Coolas
Here are my thoughts based on my experience in this situation:
1.
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