Cyncial and judgemental?
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Cyncial and judgemental?
| Fri, 03-24-2006 - 7:54pm |
Do you ever think that many of us may be too cyncial and judgmental about the people we're meeting via OLD? I mean think about it, we tend to think that they do what they do for negative reasons. And I can't help but to wonder if they're catching that vibe and running the other way. I mean, I know when I meet a person who is too cyncial I run. So I'm wondering if we're putting those vibes out there.
Now don't get me wrong and don't flame me... I'm not saying that we haven't had enough experiences with OLD that have been negative... I'm just saying that maybe we are turning some possibly decent ones into negative ones...
What are your thoughts?
Kerry

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My experience with OLD, and with men outside of OLD has just been pretty much bad all the way around, so I would definately say I'm cynical when it comes to men in general. BUT, I also am also very optimistic when I meet someone new, and do my best to give them the benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason not to.
I don't believe that ALL things related to OLD are frustrating. I've had some great conversations and learned alot about myself by doing it. I think we tend to generalize alot when it comes to OLD, and not everyone is BAD. But after enough bad, frustrating, devastating, annoying (shall I keep going) experiences, I'm sure we're a bit tainted. Hopefully we don't all convey that to the people we're trying to date, because that's the point we need to take a break, if we do.
Good post idea though! I am anxious to read all the other feed back.
M
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I'm assuming you mean "cynical" ;-)?
IMO, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it's probably a duck, ya know? I give people the benefit of the doubt all the time and it pretty much never fails to bite me in the butt.
But I'm curious, how do you think a "vibe" affects anything? I don't have any influence over a guy not calling when he says he's going to, for example...that's all on him, and I'm not thinking negatively until AFTER he does it. A "vibe" isn't going to cause someone to lie in their profile (they don't even know I exist when they put their profile up). Can you give an example of what you mean?
Sheri
LOL! Yes... cyncial. Thankfully you guys are forgiving of fat fingers! heheh.
Ok, I'm not talking about blatant lying. I'm more on the point of a guy who seems on the up and up and we meet him and then because of our past, we think he's full of malarky and therefore, we are cyncial. I think we can be cynical w/o even being conscious about it. Our pasts dictate it. So I'm definitely not talking about the case of the guy is lying... more so about the guy who may be ok but who we may run away.
:o)
Hopefully there has been no fat fingers in this post! LOL
OMG ya'll are harsh
Uh, you spelled it wrong again twice...but that's ok ;-), you know I'm just giving you a hard time.
But I'm still not getting quite what you mean...I'm not going to be cynical/judgmental about anyone until he gives me a *reason* to be. I don't think many people would judge someone negatively without the person *doing* something negative, would they? Like, I wouldn't think a guy was full of malarky unless he was saying things that were inconsistent, didn't add up, etc.
Sorry, I'm not trying to be obtuse...I'm just not quite understanding what you mean, I guess.
Sheri
A guy I m not interested in said he will call me and called me two days after he said he would. I was not waiting for his call so I really did not care... but when he called it turned out there was a misunderstanding. I remember I did not make a jerk out of him during the two days he was supposed to call.
Whereas if a guy I m interested in calls me a day later I would be so mad and I would think that he is a jerk, player, uninterested... the fact and the matter is our attitude affects a lot the way we perceive things and others can tell from our voice if we are disappointed, edgy or untrusting. and reciprocate the feeling
I can't believe that I did it again! hehe. Craziness.
Ok, what I mean is we see what we want. For example, if we live life looking for someone to cheat on us, we're more likely to see signs of cheating. Conversely, if we live our lives looking for the flaws in the guys we're dating or for past patterns of ghosting, etc, we're going to see the flaws and behaviors that would lead to ghosting. The point is that we find what we look for. If we look for imperfections, we'll find them. If we look for the good in people, we'll see all the positives.
So with my post, I'm just wondering if maybe we're all so focused on the negatives that we're actually giving those vibes off and subconsciously the guys are picking up on that.
Know what I mean jellybean? :o)
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