Darn It!...

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Darn It!...
7
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:07am

Uhoh- I think I've come across another case of "HJNTIY".

Last Friday, I met S. for our 1st date. We had emailed for a few days back and forth before the meet. They were short emails- but ones in which it was evident of our curiousity of each other. We ended the date with a hug and talks of getting together, but because of schedule it would have to be a few weeks.

I followed up over the weekend with my standard, "I had a really good time, we should do this again". I got a response telling me he had a great time and was definitely looking to hanging out again in a few weeks. HANGING OUT?

The lastest email I just got, mentioned the answer to one of my questions was a long and silly story that he'd tell me the next time we hang out. But this was the first email without him asking any questions of me. HANG OUT?

Is "hanging out" a new phrase for "go on another date"? My gut is telling me "hanging out" means "let's be friends."

So perhaps, I'm just reading too much into things. But this last email was very different than the rest, and my gut is telling me "HJNITY".

I guess I'm just frustrated here and needed to vent. I think I started this email because I wanted someone to tell me that I am reading too much into things. But I think we all know, that 99% of the time when we have to ask it's because our intitution is telling us "HJNITY" but we're hoping someone else can find hope that he is. :)

Darn it!! It was the first date I've had in a while where I didn't want it to end so soon.

Oh well, if he's not the right guy, then he's not the right guy.

Thanks for listening!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: calilawgirl
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:22am

Did he really mentiong "a few weeks"?

I would guess that most guys want to go out again over the upcoming weekend if they're interested.

I'd throw this once back or at the very most toss him in the casual date pile for a while. If he doesn't make an effort I wouldn't advise trying to reel him in by continuing to contact. My gut is that you're assessment is right. I once had a meet email me that she looked forward to developing our "friendship". Like most I read "friends first / friendship" as keywords for "Not into you" but may want to hang out and if we do date then I'll have a ready excuse for throwing you overboard.... (because after all I did say friends first...)

Don't let anyone ever tell you it's not a big game....especially those that have "no games" in their profile..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: calilawgirl
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:08am

Hi Calilawgirl...


How disappointing! I'm hoping I'm wrong, but I would would trust your gut. If a person is talking about getting together a few weeks down the road, I would think that it's more of a casual thing to them. LG is right--put this guy in the casual dating pile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
In reply to: calilawgirl
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 9:28am

I wouldn't get hung up on whether you are reading too much into the email (this, btw, is the problem with email - 'hanging out' may mean something different to you than it does to him). What I would focus on is that for whatever reason you will not be seeing him for a few weeks - so no matter what he has said in his emails, I would put him on the back burner and move on with others. If he reappears in a few weeks and seems like a good prospect, then perhaps he can move back to the front of the line.

Hugs! I know how disappointing it is when you meet someone you really like and things don't fall right into place, but it is the nature of the beast unfortunately. So . . . any other prospects?

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
In reply to: calilawgirl
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 10:49am

Thank you all for your responses.

Yes, he did say a few weeks because he is going out of town for a wedding this weekend. Then for the next week or so various family members are coming into town to visit him and SoCal. Plus, I'm studying for the Bar exam so I don't have a ton of free time until August.

And no other prospects at this time because I made S. my last first date until after the Bar.

I suppose maybe this is the universe's way of telling me to get my mind off of boys and dating and onto something more important- like the BIGGEST test of my life. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: calilawgirl
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 1:13pm

It might mean that or maybe he’s just now getting back in the dating game and doesn’t want to rush.

 
 
Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
In reply to: calilawgirl
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 2:35pm

SP-

I have a feeling you're right. He did tell me I was the first person he had met from online, so he probably is seeing what else is out there. More power to him. (not meant in a snotty way. ;))

It's good to see that you are doing so well after your breakup and getting back on that horse. I was in the same place you were 5 months ago. It sounds like you are moving forward in your life in a very happy and healthy manner. Good Job!!

Cali

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
In reply to: calilawgirl
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 1:32pm
Hi- I agree w/ SP on this.. and I was going to say, that us women have too many “expectations” right from the get go. And it’s understandably so when we meet a great guy we hope this can be it and want everything to happen right away. Also the HJNITY we are taking soo seriously.. Just remember, you are Dating, dating should be fun and means you should keep all options open and keep going out. If he calls again, go out again and have fun, no pressure and just let it unravel. Some people like sp said take it slower because of many reasons, they were just out of a r’ship , they are dating others too, or just plain busy. I know I do the same thing, so you are not alone but I would advise just to be positive and continue doing what you are.. I also believe timing is everything!! And also there is not exact rule as to when a guy should ask you out again and this meaning he is or is not interested. I have seen many come around not so fast because they had other things going on and it works out.. So just have very low expectations when you meet anyone.. and have fun!