Date this weekend..I'm dreading it

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Date this weekend..I'm dreading it
9
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 12:46pm

Ladies, I need your help.
I have a date this weekend with a guy I met (in real life, not online)
and I am not feelin' it. I'm not really attracted to him physically, but he is nice so I am willing to give him a try, just a first date to see how it goes.
I'm worried that he's the type that will try to hold my hand on the first date, or put his arms around me, in which I find inappropriate when you don't know a person and are getting to know them. That's my preference, anybody has the right to do what they please :)
Plus he's a little up there in age, so that has me hesitant to take this date seriously.
I have to keep telling myself that I'm not obligated to do anything with this man, and that just because I go on a date does not mean I "owe" him something. Just a casual, friendship, getting-to-know you date.

How do I politely but in a mature manner, let him know that I don't want to be touched and put on a display as if we are an exclusive item, because we are not? I want to be polite but firm of course...any suggesstions?

-McSushi!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 1:21pm

Well, if you decide to go- which I would seriously consider not doing-b/c basically if you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 1:48pm

Hmm...well a friend of mine just suggessted that I go on the date and see how it goes. Let him know my boundaries. Then after that the ball is pretty much in my court whether or not I want to see him again. At least I gave him a chance, just to see how things would go.

I still don't want to go though..lol :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 1:53pm

>At least I gave him a chance, just
>to see how things would go.

I am curious as to why you decided to give him a chance? Are you hoping he has a super charismatic personality and is incredibly rich?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 2:02pm

<>

lol. I met him about 3 years ago through my father. He works with him. And came to our church a couple of times. Those times that he was attending he showed interest and was polite to me..I still don't really know him, but that is probably the only reason why I want to give him a chance.

Nah, he is not incredibly rich..although that would be nice, eh? ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 2:39pm

I question why you would you go out with him in the first place? This confuses me because in my life dating is to weed out and hopefully one day find Mr. Right. If I know already why would I waste my time??

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 3:00pm

Haven't read the others.. But my advice? Don't go. You already know that you have zero attraction for the man, hell it sounds like you don't even want to be seen with him. I've been out on a few those dates. Here's what happens; you spend the whole night thinking to yourself: 's*it he's so old, oh god, no I could never kiss him, I so do not want him anywhere near me' and he's sitting on the other side of the table salivating at the very thought.

Save yourself a painful few hours, stay home and watch telly.

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 3:20pm

<

Save yourself a painful few hours, stay home and watch telly.

Coolas>>>

You know what..I thought about it and I think your right. Looks aside, sometimes you can grow an attraction to a person, BUT the age will always be a factor in the long-run...(he's 14 years older than me :(

Now...I have to gather up the courage to say "Let's just be friends"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 7:03pm

I agree with everyone else...you obviously don't want to date this man, so why waste his time and yours? You'll be sitting there at dinner or whatever, regretting why you just didn't cancel in the first place.

You need to have the 'let's be friends' talk eventually...so just do it now and get it over with. You'll feel better tomorrow because you won't be worried about the date anymore, and you can go spend your weekend doing something you'll enjoy instead!

Good luck!
Alyssa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 7:21pm

Oooohh...14 years...that's a lot. Maybe don't go.

I pulled my hand out of someone's hand once when they held it. When it's not right, it's not right. The next time, he asked if he could hold my hand, and I said "why don't we wait on that". I don't like people to assume that it's okay to touch me...if there aren't obvious sparks, I think they should ask.