Date Yesterday..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Date Yesterday..
13
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:47am

well I had the date with the guy who i'm his first online date. Of course I really have no clue what will happen next. I was happy with his appearance AND personality, which is RARE with online dating for me. So that was cool. We had some food, a drink, talked. He seemed very talkative over email, but not as much in person. i expected him to be sort of loud and out goign in person since his emails to me were so long and he wrote me everyday from when he first contacted me. He mentioned again that he has only been doing online dating a week, has not gone public with his profile basically because he's afraid of people he knows seeing him on there. So he was the one to end the date basically after about an hour and a half. Is that a big deal? I mean i know it's sunday night, people have things to do, i certainly didnt expect to be out all night. He asked what i was doing tonight (last night), i said nothing really, what are you doing? he said he was going to watch football at 8:30 or so. So i feel sort of like i got blown off for football? Should i have expected him to stay out later with me? So when we left he hugged me, and said he would be in touch over email or the phone. He did comment during the date that i looked good in my pics, even better in person. i figure he didnt have to say this...i dunno...i would have thought he'd have sent an email today...but he didnt.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: corbeach
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 3:53pm

Well, in that case, it's possible that it all goes back to an underlying self-esteem issue that I think I and others have mentioned to you before. There's absolutely no reason to assume they are "clearly" looking for someone "better", unless you don't think you're good enough. If I were in your shoes (and I have been, more times than I care to count ;-)), I'd be thinking they are looking for someone "different", not "better".

I mean, take the guy I've been seeing recently that I'm not sure about. I don't think he's "not good enough" for me, I just think he's probably not *right* for me. I'm not making any judgments about his instrinsic worth as a person...I'm just determining if we are a good fit for each other, or not.

You will be MORE than "good enough" for someone who is right for you...and you will increase the chances of that happening, IMO, by working on your internal beliefs that you are indeed "good enough".

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2006
In reply to: corbeach
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 3:57pm
I read all the posts here and i feel like I can relate to all perspectives thats why i'm jumping in. I do suffer from low self-confidence at times and think that if a guy isnt interested its because I'm not good enough... Or too fat (Im 5'9" and a size 12)OR maybe its because I'm too outspoken, or not pretty... BUT my friends remind me of something that I made up a few years ago when one of them was going through a horrid break-up... "If he isn't smart enough to realise that you are a special girl, he isnt smart enough for you to be upset over..."
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
In reply to: corbeach
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 4:22pm
I know i have low confidence...i also think this is obvious to those who know me, perhaps to those who meet me and from what I hear it is a turnoff...but how come the guys i DONT like dont seem to bothered by my lack of confidence? They call back! Perhaps my lack of confidence comes out more with the people I do like? no idea...then it comes back to me thinking, well if i were more attractive, this wouldnt be happening. I'm probably making myself out to be some dog here...i had an eating disorder since i was 17 which i am still technically recovering from if that explains things a bit at all...so clearly i have self image issues.

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