Dating and the Busy Gal

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Dating and the Busy Gal
13
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:50pm

Something's been eating at me

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 1:43pm

You know, it's funny... I think if this was one of the ladies of this board saying that the guy had no time, many of us would say it sounded like he didn't have time for a relationship. I think part of this Stacey may be that he's more into you than you may be into him.


Personally, I've been in this situation and only had certain nights available as well and I definitely got some slack for it. When the situation was reversed, I finally understood what the folks who had complained meant...


Hard spot to be in. But if you're happy with your schedule, that's all that counts in the long run.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 1:57pm

Seriously? Correct me if I'm wrong but you've had 1-2 dates with the guy, right? And he's giving you attitude about your schedule???? That wouldn't be cool with me, especially since you are telling him when you are free!

It would be one thing if you just said you were busy and didn't offer to make a plan to get together when you *are* free (like my CL fling guy is doing to me, and that's annoying!) but you're not doing that.

That is where the line is, to me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 2:34pm

That's just it - we've gone out exactly once.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 2:54pm

I think it's a fine line to try to balance it all. I think you shouldn't have to cut out all of your usual activities in order to go out with someone. I think it is important to keep your identity along with your friends and family. Maybe because you are very busy, this guy feels like he is not important enough for you to make any changes in your schedule for him. And early on, he isn't important enough until you get to know him. So, I would not cancel previous plans if you do have other nights free to go out. If you do hit it off with him, you will have to decide how to split up your time between your dance nights and him...or he might possibly be into dancing as well.

One of the problems I had with OLD was continually encountering men who simply had no time to date due to jobs, kids, other responsiblities. I found that off-putting after a while and wondered why some of them had profiles online if they had no free time--that might be another thing this guy is worrying about--that you don't have much free time at all. Get to know him and if he's someone you want to spend time with, I'm sure you'll find the time to see him on a regular basis. He might end up being the perfect dance partner after all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 3:01pm
That's just it - I DO have time to date; just not on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Saturday nights.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 6:34pm

i think you do exactly what you did w/ the guy. if its later in dating (say after 3 or more dates) maybe you can skip one danc'ng session to spend a nice evening w/ the guy. But, in the beginning, I wouldn't even trip.

If a guy really wants ya, he'll keep on asking and work around your schedule.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 2:34pm

Personally it's all BS to me!! I've encountered many men like this and most have no lives and basically expect YOU to be available when they want you to be available. Everytime (and it's been several times) a man somewhat complains about my schedule, I have changed my plans in order to go out with him. Each time these men could only suggest going to their house. Most of these men I've been out with once or twice, and apparently enjoy doing things (according to their ad or general conversations), but have issues with coming up with things to do outside of their houses. As such, I didn't give these guy much of my time basically NEXTed them.

Just recently I had a guy ask me what I had planned for the weekend and I told him, and his response was "gee, you have a busy weekend!" I said, "yes I have some things planned, but since you asked where you interested in going out?" His reply was "oh no, I'm busy too but it just seems you have a lot going on!" WTF??? Next time some guy ask me that question I'm going to say "I'm doing nothing just sitting here waiting for you to ask me out" and see what kind of response I get. Puhleeze!! Next that guy!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 3:35pm
Well, we were possibly supposed to see eachother tonight, but he's been talking about not having mucn moola.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 4:42pm

I think you have given him enough options as far as days you are available, so if he is truly interested, he will work around that. If you should get serious later, you can always negotiate about the nights you see each other.

This money issue is one that interests me as far as dating goes. I dated a very cheap and self-centered guy for a number of years--took me way too long to finally see that. So, now I am always questioning myself as to what is "normal" and what is not when it comes to dating and who pays for what. I see nothing wrong with dinner at his place once you've gotten to know him better. I also don't think you have to go to the most expensive restaurant to have a good meal either, but I find myself thinking that eventually a lot of guys would rather not pay a lot for an evening out if they don't have to. I think a good number would be content to only eat at home as opposed to going out somewhere. I think your guy in question should not have mentioned his money situation being tight. He should have suggested a restaurant that might suit you both and wouldn't be too expensive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 5:04pm

>Just recently I had a guy ask me what I had planned for the weekend and I told him,
>and his response was "gee, you have a busy weekend!" I said, "yes I have
>some things planned, but since you asked where you interested in going out?"
>His reply was "oh no, I'm busy too but it just seems you have a lot going on!"
>WTF??? Next time some guy ask me that question I'm going to say "I'm doing
>nothing just sitting here waiting for you to ask me out" and see what kind
>of response I get. Puhleeze!! Next that guy!!!

Sometimes I also ask guys about their weekend plans just out of curiosity or for the sake of conversation. Most of the time, though, I'd be talking about what I have coming up in the weekend, and would casually ask "so, how about you? Any plans for the weekend?" That said, I agree this guy is a bit tactless but perhaps he was just taking interest in what's going on in your life.

Pages