Dating a dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Dating a dad
10
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 1:50pm
I just met a great guy through myspace. He is taller than me and he just recently came to the United States from another country. He really is a great guy. The problem or dilemma is that he left behind two young daughters. I feel a bit awkward that he is working hard to make money to send to his daughters, but yet he is spending some of his hard earned money on me. I believe he should put his daughters first. We are still talking as friends, but I have a feeling that soon he will want to move to the next level with me. I am not sure what to do.
I know that not all situations are the same. I have a family member who married a man who already had children except that they were not in another country. They are about to celebrate 31 years of marriage.
I eventually want marriage, but would it be right with him?
Opinions Please!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
In reply to: hvteacher28
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 7:17pm
Are you sure he didn't leave a wife behind too?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: hvteacher28
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 8:39pm

What is his plans for his daughters?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
In reply to: hvteacher28
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 11:23pm
On that he said that they were only married through a civil ceremony. But, were they divorced? I will ask him in more detail what happened next time I see him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
In reply to: hvteacher28
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 11:31pm
We have not really gotten into too much details about his daughters, but I know that he does send home money for his dad and daughters. He also told me that his dad had advised him not to marry this lady. He thought that she was the one, but was so wrong. He should have taken his dad's advice.
For now we are just friends, but there are so many questions I have about his family and about whether or not he will ever bring his daughters to live with him.
I used to think that I would never date a guy who already has children and then I met this guy. He didn't tell me about his daughters until our first date. It was a surprise, but I know a few families who have been through the same situation and have been together for many years.
I guess I am a little nervous about what may happen in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: hvteacher28
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:55am

What is "only a civil ceremony"???? You are either married or you aren't, the actual wedding doesn't matter. Where is the wife? What is she doing? Divorced, where are the divorce papers?

Is he planning on returning to his country or is he planning on setting down roots in your country.

If all this took place outside your country you can't confirm or deny anything his says. Tread very carefully here. I'd hate to see you get hurt or waste your valuable time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: hvteacher28
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 8:08am

>He didn't tell me about his daughters until
>our first date. It was a surprise

This man is slick! I wonder how many other “surprises” he has for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
In reply to: hvteacher28
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 8:19am
I thought the same thing. Civil ceremony sounds like double talk to cover up that he is married. It sounds to me like the most likely scenario is he left behind his wife and family to come here to make money to send them to better their position in their home country, and possibly to prepare things to move them over eventually, and in the meantime, he wants a woman to pass the time with til he either goes back to his country or brings them here. I don't know what country he is from, but in some countries it's perfectly acceptable to have more than one wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: hvteacher28
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 5:57pm

I hate to say it, but I agree with Rayny that he is probably still married and making money to either send home or to get them over here. That was my first thought when I read the original post. Be very careful.... Even if he says they are divorced, how will you really know?

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
In reply to: hvteacher28
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:03pm

Okay, I cannot say this loud enough RUN RUN RUN!!!! and don't ever look back.

I now have an x-husband and 2 children who will never have a real dad in their lives from a situation that started out similar to what you are describing. He didn't tell me about the other family at first, bits and pieces came out slowly....He said he had a 'fiance' but his father didn't approve of her (sound familiar?) Long story short, I married him and had 2 kids only to find out that all this money he was sending home was to support a wife (and 3 kids) who he had no intention of divorcing, and was trying to bring her here with him. It is very common for men to come here and work to support families back home, my guess is your guy is married.

There's so much more to my story which isn't really important. But I'd say if I had listened to my gut in the beginning I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now. There are enough questions with your guy that I'd just stear clear if I were you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
In reply to: hvteacher28
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:25pm
I'm afraid I would dump him and run. Too fishy for me!! find a better one.