Dating Exclusively
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Dating Exclusively
| Thu, 03-10-2005 - 9:48am |
After how many dates or after what amount of time, do you consider dating someone exclusively? Do you discuss this with him, let him bring it up, or just let it happen naturally? Do you discuss taking down your profile with him or just do that on your own without a discussion about it?

I prefer to get to know someone for about two months before deciding whether to date exclusively, and I am not comfortable sleeping with someone I'm not dating exclusively. So if it hasn't come up and things look like they are leading to sex, I will bring it up. I definitely include a discussion of taking down profiles in the discussion of exclusivity.
Sheri
Never make assumptions about being exclusive. You will find in some instances that it comes back to bite you because you were assuming you were exclusive but since it was never said straight out the other person did not know that and continued to date. There is also no magic number of dates/weeks that you can say is the time to become exclusive. It is between the two people in the relationship and how they feel. If you feel uncomfortable bringing up exclusivity or feel that HE is not ready to discuss it (i.e., he has said something about dating others or indicated he is not ready for a commitment), it is probably too soon.
But you definitely need to have discussions about taking down profiles and being exclusive. If you feel it is time and feel comfortable bringing it up, then you can approach it in a casual manner in a discussion about taking profiles down and seeing only each other.
Well, I'm seeing someone exclusively right now. We had only gone out a couple of times a week for two or three weeks when I brought it up. I've had that time vary from only a couple of weeks to almost two months... but generally by two months or so, I'm pretty sure.
I took my profile down after just three dates with this gal. We just fit very well together, so it wasn't any stress at all.
We had kind of talked around being mutually exclusive, but like vexer said we shouldn't take it for granted- I kind of thought that was the agreement we had come to, and I even mentioned it on this board.
People here counseled me about it a bit so I decided to talk with her a bit more- and sure enough, her impression of our conversation was different than mine, and she didn't really think we *were* doing that yet, only that we were thinking about it. She wanted to wait longer to decide (she was seeing one other guy besides me).
But she changed her mind within another date or two and said she wanted to be mutually exclusive with me, too. My stunning charm and wit, I suppose. ;)
Now we're mutually exclusive and moving on down the path... :)
Your charm often stuns me, too, NGOL.
But seriously folks -- I am sincerely glad this is working out for you.
amjay
Hi IvDaiz,
Well, I still have the scar tissue from this one. Have you ever heard the saying "Take the word "assume"...it becomes Make and "ass out of you and me", if re-written. With Insurance Man/Othello we had a conversation on our second date about how WHEN we became intimate with someone, it was at That point that neither of us wanted/needed/cared for another person per a relationship. He assured me Verbally that we were "On the same page" (and have I written here before how Much I Loathe that saying? :). No 'Mr Ed' headshake, no sir...I heard the words in English, loud and clear.
Two months later, I am dumped by same Lowly Worm, and I think he had gone back to the Library of Love and was not only on a another page, but had possibly changed the whole Book! Nevah leave it to speculation or "could be"...I feel it is better to ask and get it on the ground and crystal clear. Go about it gently, yes, but if he begins to crawfish (walking backwards rapidly into his mudhole!) then at least you have saved yourself a ton of heartache in the long run, and have Not been used.
To be able to communicate your needs and feelings in a relationship,at the proper time, is Wayyy up there on the Importance list...no need to be 'scared'; if you are...Ding! Next!
Keep us posted!
Truly,
Cupcake
Hi NiceG,
What you have done with this lady is the PERFECT example of what communication between two adults should be like! I am SO thrilled for you. You did not brat it when she said she needed a bit more time, she was wonderfully honest, you were patient, and she caught a clue and told you so!
Smart lady, too! :)
Truly,
Cupcake
I feel that with each couple, the exclusivity thing is different as to when to do it or talk about it. Yes it does need to be discussed though and not just assumed, as that will get you into trouble and to possibly being hurt very much.
I have been seeing a guy from OLD now just short of 2 months and we just talked about exclusivity last week, as our relationship seems to be progressing in a good way.
I noticed he had taken his profile down a couple of weeks after we started dating and then I decided to take mine down also as I knew we were moving along nicely and I mentioned to him that I had taken mine down and then he said he had taken his down also (just what I was hoping he would have volunteered).
Sunshine