Dating games!!!! Sick of them!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Dating games!!!! Sick of them!!!
8
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 2:42pm

Ok update...everything is going great and then he calls me on Friday morning super early at midnight~from then on it goes down hill. He e-mails me on Friday at around 10 AM asking me out for a bite to eat if I don't have plans~excuse me??? I am a southern belle you don't ask me out the sameday for that evening!!!!!!! You call on me like a proper gentleman would. How f!@#$%^ hard is it for these men to get it???!! This women's lib crap has ruined for all of us who grew up being taught to be and act like a lady.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 3:16pm

Acting like a lady? You could have fooled me.

There are men in every decade that have tried to ask for a date on the same day. If it isn't convenient for you, all you have to do is say tonight is not good, most men quickly understand afterward they have to call in advance.

On the day of the Superbowl, most men are at a party with their buddies. Let them have their day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 3:27pm
So you mean you would except a date from a guy the same day if he asked? Are you m/f ?
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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 4:33pm

Feminism has NOTHING to do with courtship and if guys are using it as an excuse then they are idiots. I can and do want equal treatment under the law and in the workplace regardless of my gender, and still want to be courted. It's apples and oranges.

Men can get away with lazy behavior because (many) women let them. But there are still gentlemen out there...this guy's just not one of them. Throw this one back.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 4:39pm

I'd look at the situation first and then decide what I would do. If I feel that a man is being lazy and needs someone to wile away the hours, I'd probably not accept a date last minute.

But if a man called and had a good excuse, like his plans had suddenly changed through no fault of his own and he had tickets to a Broadway show or a prepaid meal at a very fine restaurant, I could be convinced to take a last minute date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 4:58pm

>>Feminism has NOTHING to do with courtship and if guys are using it as an excuse then they are idiots. I can and do want equal treatment under the law and in the workplace regardless of my gender, and still want to be courted. It's apples and oranges.<<

BLESS YOU for saying that! I have had this feeling for a long time, but have not been able to find just the right words to express it. You found those words for me.

I always use the caveat that I'm not "anti-feminist, but..." when talking about wanting to be courted in dating and relationships. I love having the door held open for me. I like a guy who wants to open stuck jars. I like when a guy calls on Tuesday to set up a date for Saturday. But, I don't want to be treated as someone with no mind or as a second-class citizen.

Your two sentences summed that up!

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 5:39pm

So it sounds as though he is definitely being lazy, I'm so confused now. I really believe this guy was/is really into me and we have our communication lines crossed or he just isn't the one like you've said. I'm done...I absolutely hate dating it is such a pain. He saw me on Wednesday on the commuter train, totally could've setup a date then, he knows I won't be available this coming weekend~leaving for Tahoe so what is the deal? He's just not that into me? Well he will be back they always ghost and then come around and by then I won't like him anymore~AT ALL!!!! It is just who I am, you get one try with me and that is it! Oh well totally his loss!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 6:19pm

Well, JMHO, but this attitude could have come from becoming serious so quickly. You guys had only been going out three weeks per your last post and things seemed VERY serious - at least for that early on. It's definitely not a criticism, just an outside observation. He might have already gotten into "boyfriend mode" wher he expects that you will have Friday nights open for date night with him or something silly like that. It doesn't necessarily excuse it, but I know that I tend to treat a boyfriend's last minute calls differently than a new guy that I am really only dating. If a b/f calls and I have no plans, most likely I'd go - why play games of being coy at that point. If I had plans already, no, I'm not going to drop them. But for a guy I'm just starting to see, I'd have to consider the situation and the guy before saying yes last minute.

Do you think that he sees himself as more of a boyfriend than a "date"?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for incognito_mosquito
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 4:14am

"So you mean you would except a date from a guy the same day if he asked? Are you m/f ?"

I wouldn't hesitate at all if I wanted to go and wasn't busy. And I am female. Talk about playing games. I've never heard of some unwritten "rule" that you can't ask someone to go out on the same day.