Dating more than one?
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| Thu, 12-08-2005 - 1:21am |
Hi all,
I'm new to this board, but have received help in the past on other IV boards so I'm hoping you all can give me some advice?
After finally giving up on my xbf ever returning (ya, I know, a waste of time, lol) I renewed my profile on Match. My response was overwhelming to my surprise. I have gone out on a few first "meets" or interviews, if you will! A couple second dates but for some reason I haven't really found anyone worth a third...or is it me? These guys want to go out again, but I stop that from happening. I want to see what else is out there.
My current dillema is there are two guys I have been on two dates with each, yet emailed and talked for weeks before meeting. They are very different, one is three years younger, no kids but likes kids. Just doesn't want to do the diaper thing from the start, so that's ok cuz i'm not having anymore. I have three teens. He also lives a boat trip away. The other guy is 7 years older with an older son, 20. Local in town. THey both have good jobs, responsible....that's a refreshing change! One is ok looking...self admittedly gained some weight recently but is trying to take it off. THe older guy is well preserved, lol.
How does one date more than one guy at a time? Is this even morally ok? I felt guilty the other night when I met man #2 for drinks and man #1 sends me a text hi, miss ya! I'm not physical with either of them, except a few hugs and small hello/goodbye kisses here and there. I won't get physical until exclusive. Just something I won't compromise on.
They both seem to want more time with me (red flag or interest?)My time is limited with the kids and work. They want to spoil me and take me places I've never been, treat me like a lady. What else would a woman want? I am new to dating...14 year marriage and 1.5year relationship. I'm usually a meet, click/interested and hang in there kinda gal, so "dating" and so forth is difficult for me. What happens when the time comes and I have to chose one? How do I tell the other that I no longer want to see them? Or if I chose neither of them. How do you hang with one, and sit close and watch a movie, then do it with another? (date three coming up this week)
Sorry so long....Told you I was confused!
Any and all advice welcome!
Shimie

Unless you agree to exclusivity with one, then you are within your right to date 2 men, or 100 men.
When it comes time to let one go, you do it in a mature straight forward fashion. You are on the right track.
It is absolutely morally OK to date more than one at a time. It is your own comfort level that matters there and in all your questions. You've only been on two dates with each - you don't know them well enough to decide yet and you shouldn't have to. I think that they each want to spend more time with you is a good sign of interest rather than a red flag however the "miss ya!" from the one guy is a small cause for alarm after only two dates. Yes, you have been talking for some time but that would give ME pause if a guy I'd been on only two dates with was telling me he missed me. Moving a little fast for MY taste, but that's me.
As for the future, until you decide that one of them is more to your liking, you can feel free to date both of them. Yes, I would advise not getting intimate with either until you are exclusive, but you're already on that. When you make a decision, it's never easy to break up with someone, but first I would suggest talking to the guy that you want to be exclusive with to make sure he's on the same page. Who knows, he might even bring it up first. But if one of them brings it up first, you'll have to decide 1) if it's right and 2) if he's the one. As for telling the other one once you are moving to exclusivity with the other, just tell him that while you like him and enjoyed his company, you are getting serious with another guy and don't want to date other people any more. No biggie - honesty is the best policy in that.
Good luck - it sounds like you are doing well in the OLD world!