Dating multiples

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Dating multiples
16
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 10:53am

How long do you typically date multiple people as the result of OLD?

At what point do you stop going out with other OLD folks and concentrate on one person?

EDIT:

PS - By dating I mean that the first meet has gone well and you're on to actual dates for dinner or other activities.




Edited 5/3/2005 9:50 am ET ET by lg1964

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 6:43am
lg1964....I'm with you, there. I don't understand either. It seems sort of like lying to me....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 11:10am

That's why I don't tend to date multiples. I'm just not comfortable with it. You tend to move forward physically with one and not the others (or at least as much) and there's guilt and bad feelings that get in the way.

I've done it a few times, and it just never felt good.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 11:40am

Well, I typically won't start to get physical (as in kissing or other things you'd only do with a date--I don't consider hugging to be in that category as my guy friends and I hug each other all the time) with someone until the 3rd date or later.

If I'm going out with a guy at least 3 times, he isn't "2nd or 3rd choice", he's someone I'm interested in, who I think has potential. I wouldn't go out with him that many times if I did't think so. I don't really rank the guys just because I met one of them earlier and so we're further along in the dating process. Yes, one guy might be "ahead", because I've seen him more times and so have had more of a chance to evaluate him, but that doesn't mean that someone I've just had 1-2 dates with couldn't turn out to be more right for me.

If I've *eliminated* a guy as a possible SO (decided we're not right for each other), then I won't continue to see him. That's the consideration I'd expect from a guy--NOT that I'm the only one he's dating or considering, but that if he knows I'm not a candidate for a serious LTR with him, that he'd stop seeing me--so that's what I try to do. So, if I'm still seeing him, it's because I consider him someone with potential.

If the kissing gets a little more intense and I can tell that the guy is thinking that sex might follow soon, I'll let him know that I'm not comfortable getting more physical or sleeping together until we've decided to date exclusively, and that I like to date and get to know someone for at least 2 months before making the commitment to date exclusively.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 3:55pm

That has never really been an issue for me b/c I

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:29pm

That's true...I can't think of any time where I actually had more than 3-5 dates with two different men going on in tandem (say, one guy I've gone out with 10 times, the other, 7 times). Usually there's one guy I've seen a handful of times, with whom I think there is good potential to become exclusive, and during that same time period, a bunch of 1st meets, *maybe* the occasional 2nd date, but rarely a 3rd or more.

What I was trying to say in my prior post is, IF I were to find myself in that situation, it would only be because I sincerely thought *each* of them had the potential to become a bf.

Sheri




Edited 5/3/2005 5:30 pm ET ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 7:04pm

I find it incredibly difficult to date several people at once; can never remember what we've talked about, etc. etc.

I've also found that HJNTIY comes into play pretty quickly the OPPOSITE way, too (i.e. "He just IS into you") -- one of the guys has always wanted to book more of my time, so that I just wasn't available to the others.

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