dating site addicts

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2003
dating site addicts
3
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 9:54pm
Hello (again)

I'm curious to what you gals think about this...

Doesn't it seem that most guys who post ad's online really have no intention of ever really starting a relationship with someone?

I'll admitt to being new to this whole on line dating thing. Somehow I have this image in my head of these guys sitting in front of a conveyer belt with an endless supply of boxes going by them, and within each box that goes by is a potentially good looking girl that JUST might outdo the one in the box before.

So that being said, I guess this online thing just seems to promote a less likely chance of finding someone cuz you never know what's around the next corner.

Maybe I'm just fearful...I did go out with this guy last night and he was very nice and all and he seemed to really like being with me..wanting to go out again and stuff, well, I got curious and checked his ad (this site tells you when the person was on last) and he was on today again. There's nothing wrong with him being on again. Not at all. I was looking too.

What do you girls think?

I think my problem is that if someone does want to see me more than once or twice that I probably wouldn't trust them to give up the fun of online girl shopping.

Thanks for your feedback!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 1:57am
i've found that it's good to let them take the initiative and for us girls to treat these men just like any other - like we met somewhere else. in other words, i let them impress me. i they don't, they're not worthy. (and i mean that)

i just started seeing a really great guy... and i go back to the personal site to read our emails back and forth and to look at his picture again... just a little goofiness, i spose.

sometimes, too, i've kept in touch with fellow women on my site, too - so if anyone i go out with is looking, he'd probably think i'm still shopping for men... hehe

in other words, it's really no different from real life... you just gotta be very particular and know that there are some strange people out there.

some men contact women for their ego's, some to take a chance, and some because they're really interested.

be very discerning and follow your gut. if it feels weird, it is. trust yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 7:12am
If someone doesn't want to see me more than once or twice I assume they are just not that into me - nothing beyond that. Sure some men and women are shopping - but I personally know 5 couples who met on line - two are engaged - one to be married in march (engaged after 4 months of dating), one in december (after a little less than a year of dating), one without a wedding date yet and two who have been married between one and two years - one couple with a baby. and in 1985 my sister met her husband through a personal ad and they got engaged within 3 months of meeting. And that's just who I know personally. The men complain about the same thing with women here in NYC - the conveyor belt theory. I think it's perfectly acceptable for people to go out on a few dates - or 6 dates or 8 dates - so long as there is no exclusivity, and then meet someone who is better suited - who they might have met while going on the 6-8 dates with the other guy - or girl - that doesn't mean they're shopping it means they're smart and not settling down and clinging to one person out of some romanticized infatuation.

The way I deal with it - I have no expectations of future dates until we've gone out at least 5-7 times and no expectations of long term until exclusivity is discussed. But I wouldn't generalize about on line and there are ways to screen out the ones who have no interest in long term - see if they discuss their families and desire for kids, if they're overly compimentary and flattering (usually they like the thrill of the chase), if they go out of their way to meet you, how focused they are on appearance - yours, theirs, etc -

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 7:50am
I think the online world is much like the real world in that some guys you encounter are not looking for a serious relationship, and some are. It's definitely not true that no guys online are looking for relationships. I met my bf online and we've been together for 3 months. I've also dated a few other guys I met online for a month or two.

It takes a lot of patience, but there are guys out there who want the same things you do.

ginger