Dating while unemployed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Dating while unemployed
6
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 4:38pm

What do women think when they meet a guy and he is unfortunately unemployed, due to the current recession, economy, etc., not b/c of laziness or anything of that sort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 2:17pm

It really depends on the person. I'm unemployed also. I'm a full time single mom so I am taking this time to apply for jobs, volunteer, fix up my house, spend time with my kids. Relocating for me right now is not an option but I am considering a move in the summer. It is a little different for women IMHO. I have child support and unemployment, plus plenty of savings in the bank. I own my own home and have a lot of equity in addition to a very high credit score. I have no debt other than my mortgage. I have always lived below my means and anyone who knows me for a short period of time will get that I'm not looking for financial support. Nor would I ever change allow a guy to 'rescue' me. For example, if a guy wanted to get married, we'd have to map out a financial plan that made some sense.

That said, I've met guys who were unemployed. One lied to me about his educational background and talked gibberish about his job hunt. NEXT! One was 'self employed' to avoid having his paycheck garnished for back child support. NEXT! One got laid of the day of our second date and told me he didn't feel right about dating while unemployed (He had a good chance of relocating for work). One I dated for a while had plans to become a day trader (he had been practicing for a YEAR) and was paying more in rent than he took in each month in unemployment. Clueless! NEXT! the fact they were unemployed was irrelevant in the face of the other deal breakers.

It isn't about being unemployed, it is how you handle being unemployed. It takes an emotional toll, but I firmly believe that I could enter into a mature relationship at this stage of my life.

And there is a big difference between meeting someone and dating and entering into a committed LTR with them, so I would never presume to judge simply based on current employment.

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 10:38am
It's a difficult issue because there are a lot of people who are unemployed due to the economy/layoffs and not due to anything they did to cause the loss of a job. My best friend had a high level job in a bank making over $100,000 and she got laid off & it took her 6 mos. to find another job. Of course she got a big severance package w/ a year's pay plus collecting unemployment. I think it would depend on the circumstances. When my friend was out of work, she finally had time to do OLD but she wouldn't do it because she really looked for work full time. So I think it would depend on a) what kind of job the person had before and 2) did it seem like he was putting a lot of effort into finding a new job or just looking at unemployment like he could take a paid vacation and was being lazy about it. I do know that when people are unemployed for a while it's very stressful so maybe not the best time to start a new relationship. Then you add in that traditionally men like to pay for dates, at least at first and if the guy has no money, that's another stress on him. I do know that at my age (53) it's important to me that the guy should be able to support himself, although I don't expect him to support me. I have 2 kids to support and that's enough. So if he didn't have money to go out on dates, even if we paid for ourselves, that could be an issue too. It's not like I wouldn't just stay home at watch a movie on TV sometimes & eat in, but I can do that kind of thing by myself--the point of dating is to get out of the house and have fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 9:41pm

An interesting question. I actually met an unemployed engineer at a Meetup event several months ago. He seemed nice and was quite good looking. However, we didn't really hit upon any common interests so even though he was clearly interested and gave me his card, I haven't made any effort to contact him. (Okay, I'll admit that unless I'm already very, very interested, contacting the guy first that way is hard for me.) However, should I meet him at any other Meetup - which is likely - and we hit it off, I think I would agree to a date as it was clear to me that his unemployment was the result of the economy and not laziness.

So for me it would all depend on the circumstances. This guy also had a profession which shows some smarts and ambition, traits that I value in a mate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 1:44pm

Mr Blue....in my opinion you are who you are and NOT what you do. I find only shallow women would discard you because of your unemployment status considering these economic times. Yes...women should be very careful not to get into a relationship with someone who isn't willing to work but it's clear this isn't you.

I am currently unemployed myself and there aren't any jobs out there. Does that make me less date-able?? I hope not...I am a self sufficient woman who has always financially taken care of me and do not expect a man to support me regardless.

There are real women out there who will be attracted to you and sympathetic to your plight and will give you a chance so don't give up!!! Just be yourself...your previous work history will speak volumes. Consider it a good way to weed through the women who want to "use" you and be happy that when you find the "one" she will be true to you.

Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 8:34am

If I were younger, I might give an unemployed guy a chance. But personally, even as a woman, I would not even

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 8:40pm
If someone were on unemployment or on a severance package (clearly meaning recently unemployed), then I would probably give them a chance. However, more long term than that then I'll be honest - I wouldn't.

















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