Is this a dealbreaker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Is this a dealbreaker?
12
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:46am
So, last night, I spoke on the phone for the first time with a guy that I met on Match.com. He is 35, never married and very successful with his career. I was trying to keep the conversation going, so I asked about his job, and we proceeded to talk about it for 30 minutes, without him once asking anything about my job, what I like to do for fun, etc. I will take part of the responsibility for the conversation because I am intrigued by what he does (he's a prep school basketball coach), so we talked a lot about my alma mater and basketball recruiting, things like that. After 30 minutes, I told him I needed to go, and he said he'd call me early next week and he enjoyed talking to me (no duh, you talked about yourself the whole time). The fact that he didn't ask a single thing about my life bothers me. My friends think I should give him another chance, but to me, it feels like he is just a selfish guy. Am I jumping to conclusions? Any thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:59am
Well, guys like to talk about themselves. Especially when asked. Is it a sign that this guy is a bit self-centered that he talked only about himself? Maybe but you don't really know until you get to know him better. Mabye he was a little nervous and when you brought up a topic he was comfortable with, he latched on. Maybe he's really proud of what he does and really likes to share. Maybe he's a self-centered jerk that will treat you like crap. But if you seemed to like him otherwise, why not give him a chance and see how he is in person. If he's the same way, THEN cut him loose.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 1:38pm

I agree with the other poster. It is possible he was just nervous and trying to impress you and he doesn't normally go on and on about himself w/o asking about you, though I have to say that usually guys like this are self-absorbed. I had a convo with a guy like this last night and I am on the fence about him. He said he will call again at the end of the week. I will prob talk to him again and would prob meet him in person, but I have pretty low expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 1:41pm

You know the phrase "you never have a second chance to make a first impression"? I believe this to hold true in most cases.

But just to be fair, let's assume he was a little nervous chatting with you for the first time. Maybe he wanted to make a great impression by inadvertently talking himself up?

It might not be a bad idea to give him one more chance to redeem himself before "nexting" him. Who knows, he just might come across differently. If the egotism proves not to be a figment of your imagination, at least you won't be left wondering if you were too hasty.

My worst date was with a vet who talked incessantly about himself, his education, his- basically everything, for the entire date. I don't think I muttered much other than "um hummm" and "oh really?" that evening. By the end, I was exhausted. This, however, was CLEARLY a bad case of "I love me" syndrome. I never saw him after that.

Trust your gut. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 2:32pm

Don't be so hasty...it wasn't really a long conversation and you said that you talked about your Alma Mater...sometimes we can't cover everything in the first conversation.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:45pm

I would actually give him another chance, but know how you feel. Keep expectations low and see how the next conversation flows. As far as men asking questions, well that seems to be one of the biggest issues I have with men online. They don't mind answering questions, but asking them is another story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 4:10pm
Thanks for all the advice. I wil give him another try, if he calls again...knowing it is always a big "if" with online dating, esp. when they don't ask to see you the first time you speak on the phone. I'll let you know what comes if it, if anything!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:26am
I agree with your friend I'd give him another shot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 8:14pm
If that's all you find wrong with him I think you are off to a good start. Some men only talk about sports. At least he has a job!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 6:35am
Please give it a chance!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 1:23pm
So what happened? :o)

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