Dear God in Heaven How Did I Miss This
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Dear God in Heaven How Did I Miss This
| Sun, 06-26-2005 - 11:46am |
I've been chatting with a delightful guy for abouat 2 weeks. We have a lot in common, he's charming and funny, and physically what I'm attracted to.
I just noticed last night that he has bisexual for his sexual preference. Either he changed it, or I totally missed it.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. We are supposed to go to the polo matches together in a few weeks, which will be our first meet.
My gut tells me this is something that should be discussed in person, and that I should wait to meet him to see if this is worth getting my panties in a twist over. If there's no attraction in person, it's a moot point, right?
PM - as far as I know, you are the only openly bi person on the board - any advice?


I think it's nuts for a hetero-sexual woman to go out with someone who's bi.
What is it that really has you concerned?
Is it the fact that he's probably had sex with men? Or is it a concern that perhaps he doesn't have it in him to maintain a monogomous relationship?
>>My gut tells me this is something that should be discussed in person, and that I should wait to meet him to see if this is worth getting my panties in a twist over. If there's no attraction in person, it's a moot point, right?
Exactly. At least he put it up front so you won't be shocked later on. So if you're interested enough to meet him, just meet him and take it from there.
You're openminded enough that it wasn't an immediate NEXT, so that's good. A general definition of bisexuality is just that we are open to relationships with either gender - "the person is more important than the parts" if you will. Some bi's like myself are able, and prefer, to be monogamous with one partner. Some aren't. Just like anyone else, really! We just get the extra stigma attached because of the misconception that we 'need both' to be satisfied.
Did his profile give a sense of what kind of relationship he's looking for? If not, that'll be something to discuss before getting too involved. Assuming he's emotionally mature, odds are he's just like most of us, looking for someone to connect with on a deeper level besides sex. Not to get too far ahead of the game, but *IF* you do end up getting involved, you'll definitely want to have the sexual history & std discussions & tests. Men who sleep with men are statistically most likely to be exposed to std's. But in theory you should have those discussions before sleeping with anyone anyway, right?
One nice thing about being bi is that it kind of forces you to communicate better about exclusivity/monogamy, sexual history, and specific sexual preferences. If you want to know something, just ask - factually and non-judgementally - when the time is right, of course. He's most likely learned to expect all kinds of questions. And I do suggest asking the more 'intimate' questions face to face. While it might be awkward, you're more likely to get good answers in person without the 'editing' that comes with phone or email.
Thanks so much. You touched on several points that a friend of mine and I discussed today.
He wants a LTR or marriage, he's divorced with two darling kids and seems like a great person, so far.
The STD conversation would take place with anyone, straight or bi, so getting into that doesn't concern me.
And like my friend said, he's being up front about it, so it's likely he'll be willing to discuss it and address any concerns I may have.
I've never been faced with this, but it's not like it was a red flag. It just kind of made my ears perk up in curiosity. If he's able to maintain a monogamous relationship, that's what counts. I told her IF we would end up dating and it wouldn't work out, it doesn't matter if someone leaves you for a man or a woman, really, does it?
After we meet, would you be open to some private emails if I have any questions or confusion?
Sis, I would be a little apprehensive, myself. And with full recognition that you haven't even MET yet, so this is totally hypothetical and may be completely moot if you find you don't really want to date him, here's why.
In my experience with people of different kinds of sexuality, (not my own sexual experience, but the people I've been friends with), it takes a LOT more for a man to admit/acknowledge that he's bi than it does a woman. For whatever reason, women are much more open to experimentation with same-sex relationships than men are. Many women have fantasies or curiosity about being with other women. But for men, there's a much stronger social stigma, so they have to REALLY want to be with another man to even try it. If they try being with another man, and it works for them enough that they will call themselves bi, IMHO there's a far greater chance that down the road they will move further toward the gay end of the spectrum. And what happens then, if you're a woman who has fallen in love with that guy? I have seen marriages break up because one partner has decided to stop resisting his or her *true* sexuality, and it's horribly painful.
I realize this is totally putting the cart before the horse. But still...
Sounds to me