Definition of lying

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Definition of lying
8
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 12:45pm

I haven't done OLD yet but several friends and acquaintances have and have shared their experiences with me. One thing that continually amazes me is that these decent upstanding people lie! What kind of lies? Well, one is an elderly man who lies about his age, making himself 7 years younger and another is a friend of mine who lies about her marital status (they have been working on their divorce for 5 years but still haven't completed it and so she says she is divorced instead of separated). She figures she will let someone know very early that she is separated. The minister tells his meets within the first few dates.

I can understand how people may perceive certain facts differently like weight. One friend of mine figures that since she is overweight and the average woman is overweight, she can claim that she is average. I don't call that necessarily a lie. But marital status and age to me are pretty clear.

Is lying pretty common on the Internet? I am concerned because if I do OLD and this is common, I want to find out pretty quickly what the truth is without appearing defensive, paranoid or hostile.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: t9t9
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 1:27pm

I think most of us here would agree that what you "call" your weight has room for interpretation (which is why every profile should include at least one full body pic), but your age and marital status are very clear-cut! Personally, if I caught someone in that kind of lie, I'd have NO problem whatsoever simply cutting off contact.


You're either divorced or you're not, for me

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: t9t9
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:29pm

I agree that facts like marital status and age are clear cut, and I have no tolerance for anyone who lies about something that is a fact and not subject to interpretation.

Unfortunately lying about such facts is not only common online but it seems to be tolerated by many people, something I have trouble understanding. Personally, I cut off contact if I find out that someone has lied in their profile, even if it's about a "little" thing like age or height. Like the previous poster, I'm also of the view that if people lie in their profiles, they are very likely to lie about other things.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: t9t9
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 5:54pm

I've met a lot of men who lie about their height. They "stretch" an inch or so to say they're 5'9" or 5'10" - and then when I meet them, I am clearly taller than they are.

I just had this happen this week, in fact. The fact that the guy is 5'7" doesn't annoy me, but the fact that he felt the need to lie about it really does.

I feel that way about men who are bald, divorced, have kids, etc. Whatever your truth happens to be, *own* it, be proud of it (or proud of getting past it), and for pete's sake do not lie about it. Sadly, people do.

I'm with Sheri, I don't put up with it. Little lies tend to lead to bigger ones.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
In reply to: t9t9
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 6:37pm
Just as bad as lying is withholding information. Like someone looking for a relationship, but fail to tell you that they are planning to move next month.
And also leading someone to believe they are very interested in you, but want to stay 'just friends'. They say action speaks louder than words? I no longer believe that. The last guy I dated was very attentive, affectionate, caring, always there for me, took me out all the time, fixed stuff in my house and all I was to him was "a friend".
I'll take a guy a couple inches shorter and a few pounds heavier than have someone play mind games and screw around with my emotions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: t9t9
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 6:40pm
Almost all guys lie about their height. Many say they are 6' when they are only 5'10'' but it seems 6' and above is popular among women and so everyone wants to be 6'
Also there is the people who choose not to answer some questions. I understand not wanting to answer the income question but the race! WTF!! why would anyone not be comfortable identifying themselves with a certain race. or the height or the body type. These are basic things the person you plan to date will notice on the first second she meets them! some lie knowing that once you meet you will find out about the lie but they hope you will change your mind because you have already gone on a date with them...
I dont want to discourage you but you should not have high expectations. Internet gives people the ability to live in an imaginary world so everyone can pretend they are who they dream to be. so dont be too concerned about OLD but be ready for everything. A guy who looks gorgeous on the site might be extremely ugly In Real Life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
In reply to: t9t9
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 12:17pm

Yes, unfortunately there are many who lie about themselves in their profiles. Why? You'd have to ask them...they are basically liars or have major insecurity issues.

Never makes sense to me though, I believe in being myself. Suppose a liar does meet someone who is not a nutcase and they want to begin dating. What is the liar supposed to do then?

Two times when I agreed to meet a guy for coffee, I quickly realized the photos each of them had supplied must have been taken at least 10 years earlier! I asked them how recent their photos were and they lied their butts off. I didn't make a big scene about it, I just finished my coffee and politely exited stage left each time!

Geez, the stories I could tell you about OLD. One guy seemed very nice, we wrote and talked on the phone for some time before meeting in person. And when we did meet, he was drunk! Now, I am sure he was nervous, but some impression he made! Scratch off the list!

One old poop (he lied about his age)...tried to grab me and kiss me as soon as we met....scratched him off the list too!

One guy brought his dog along and proved he was more interested in his dog and me....LOL, scratch him off!

One wanted nothing more than a romp in the hay....NOT!

Oh well, I have to laugh about it all...why not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
In reply to: t9t9
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 12:20pm
.....forgot to add something in my last post....one guy who seemed too good to be true (and we all know what that means)...anyhoo, we were ready to meet but I did some research on him on the internet and found the public record where he had been charged with domestic violence!!! YIKES!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: t9t9
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 9:39am

Lying is pretty standard across the board everywhere. People have baggage and don't wish to talk about it, instead they try to put themselves in the best light possible to attract a better mate.

If you want the truth check marital records, driving records, credit and criminal histories.