Desperately need your input on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Desperately need your input on this one.
8
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 7:34pm

First I want to say that posting on here last week was a big help. Not only did everyone here give me great advise, going through the same situation, I met a wonderful friend on this site who has helped me tremendously. She knows who she is. If it wasnt for her, I would of cracked last week.

Update: He finally did call me on Thursday and left me numerous messages. He told me that he was in the hospital for 3 days. He was hurt at work. (Wait there is more). I saw him friday night and had this whole entire speech lined up, but was too afraid to say anything. the only thing I got out was, if this ever happens again, I wont be here.

I saw him friday and saturday night, which was nice. He hasnt met my son yet because I feel my son has been through enough and I wont have my son meet any men in my life UNTIL I know its going to be serious. He has a problem with that. (Did I tell you he has 6 kids). I met 3 of them, they are nice, but cautious, which I dont blame them.

On Saturday night when he picked me up, we had to stop at the ATM machine. He comes back and he has a problem with something. That was that. We had a nice night, talked, AGAIN about him wanting to meet my son.

He called me on Sunday and I said do you want company? He said sure, why not? I stopped over his house for about an hour. When I got there, he was balancing his checkbook and reading outloud the dates on his recent atm transactions. One was the 1st, one was the 2nd, etc. The first and second was Tues and Wed of last week. a lightbulb went off in my head (since he had said he was in the hospital till wed). I couldnt question him then because his son was there. I left, he called me on his way to work (he works nights) and I was really upset and cool towards him.

My question is: Why did he lie to me? Why did he sit there mentioning dates when he has told me he was in the hospital and obviously wasnt? Why did he do that?

Was he questioning our relationship then decided he wanted to continue, or was it something else?

Please help me on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 7:53pm

Anyone that would lie to me about something like that is OUT!!

There is no excuse for lying. I sometimes it is hard to be alone and we women tend to get attached, but if you put up with that, what else will he lie to you about?

You call...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 8:06pm

Well, I know that I've had ATM transactions not show up on my account as "processed" until a day or two later so I wouldn't *necessarily* assume he's lying. And heck, there could have been an ATM at the hospital or he used it as a debit card in the hospital cafeteria...possible?

I would, however, have a BIG problem with him not being ok with whatever YOU think is best for your child. His "having a problem" with not meeting your son is consistent with him being someone who is trying to worm his way into your life quickly so that you will be too "attached" to pull back once the skeletons come out of the closet (the "loser/manipulator" scenario some of us mentioned last week when we were talking about why a fast start is a red flag).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 8:42am
Your gut is telling you this man is no good. Go with it. Take control. Right now he is in control. He can call you anytime he wants and expects you to be available when it suits him. And with all these red flags going off there is only one that really stands out: He made you cry! Totally disrespected your feelings. Unless he was in a coma for 3 days there really is no excuse. The more you allow this type of behavior the more it will happen.
Let me ask you. Why are you allowing it? There are so many other guys out there that can treat you better. What is it about this guy that you would put up with this?
You've known him for a month and already you are afraid to say anything to him. Walking on eggshells? This is a toxic relationship ready in the making. Is this what you want? You deserve so much better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 8:52am
This guy is Sooooo not worth it. Using guilt by claiming to be in the hospital for the past three days and why you hadn't heard from him, and clearly lying to you about it is soo not worth any of your thoughts or energy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 9:58am

I dated someone who went into the hospital.

CL-Truewild1969

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 10:23am

Did he elaborate on how he got hurt and the details of the hospital stay? Where did his children stay while he was there? Etc. Etc.

Can I also make a strong suggestion here. He seems so adamant about meeting your son. I totally support your decision to wait quite a while until you are absolutely sure. Do not let this man change that smart and mature decision for you. Do not let him talk you into anything having to do with your son.

I think the thing that would bother me the most if he did lie is how stupid does he think you are???

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:10pm
What everybody else said, plus this:
You've already met some of his kids. I think that shows very bad judgement. Kids don't date. He wants to meet your son .... terrible idea, especially since you're so iffy about him. I would drop him like a hot potato.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 4:01pm
this guy seems a little not right so to speak. he wants to meet your son so badly but lies about other things? whats with that? he should know that you will protect your son so why would he try to manipulate you to get to him. it just doesn't add up and gives me and uneasy feeling. i can't even imagine how it makes you feel. i say bring up the lieing with him flat out. why not. what have you got to lose? if hes crap your not losing a darn thing, your gaining everything because he is not worth your time. and why didnt he even attempt to call and tell you he was in the hospital? again, if he wants to meet your son so badly (something someone who cares would want) why would he not call from the hospital.? it just doesnt add up to me.