Did anyone know before In Person meeting

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Did anyone know before In Person meeting
12
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 1:26am
Hello All-

I am the happy counterpart of a 5 year relationship, where the 12+ months were spent online and 36 hours apart. My husband lived in Texas, and I was in Oregon. Throughout our online relationship we were deeply commited, and dedicated to one another, despite the fact we had not met in person for over a year because of financial constraints, and other issues. When we finally did meet in person, it only confirmed what we had known all along, that we were the missing piece in eachother's lives, and together we became whole. I knew before I ever saw my now husband's face, that I loved him deeply, and that he was the one for me. I knew this without hesitation, and continue to do so. Lucky for me all of those feelings are reciprocated by him!

My question is, was my situation all that uncommon? Or is this something many people in online relationships experience?

Hope my story inspires anyone who wonders about their ability to cope, because although my husband and I suffered all those long months apart, we will forever hold onto those times as our foundation together. It can be done. :)

Rew

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 7:28am
What I think is that of course you can "guess" right about someone - just like you can meet someone in person on the street fall in love at first sight and later when it works out say that you always "knew." So sure it can be done - whether on line or not. I don't entirely discount your one year of typing and talking and on the other hand Ihave heard many many stories of people who did that for months or longer only to find that in person it definitely was not going to work. I know that I would never base much, in teh context of a romantic relationship, on typing and talking so by definition I would never believe myself to be in love romantically with a screen name or a voice. I also would not want to be with someone who believed he could fall in love with a screen name or voice.

Also, when I did on line dating - and I did a lot - I limited myself to men who lived nearby, could meet within a week or so, and were financially stable and interested in marriage in the near future- I would never think I was missing out on true love because of my approach. having said that, I am glad it worked out for you. What I always find interesting is that no matter how much people claim that they fell in love on line I have yet to hear of anyone who would accept a proposal before meeting in person - acknowledging that of course you need to spend in person time before making a decision like that - so that if you truly believed you "knew" someone through typing and talking and "truly" loved them, and had spent a year doing so- you would accept a proposal just as you would if you knew someone in person for a year. That's my point. Congratulations to you and thanks for adding your inspiring story!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 10:26am
Oh, Rew! Welcome!! I am very happy to see someone honestl admit they fell in love on line, then once they met it was a confirmation. A success no doubt to prove, it does happen. WOW! You want to inspire someone, you just did it for me.

I met Mark in Feburary on line. We talked over the phone very soon after and did so every day we had the chance. We did see each other on our webcams and in pictures we sent to one another by email and mail. So, since that time, he and I have planned on meeting for the first time in three weeks. He is in Scotland and I am here in the states. Since finances have been hard for us both, we could not meet until now. If all works out for him once he is here, he will try to stay with hopes of being sponsored by an employer. This is very likely to happen since he has done quite alot of contact with some employers already. SO, me being 27, single mom of two boys, and him 38. Both of us married before, know all the ups and downs of relationships. We hope to have a success story such as yours very soon. Thank you so much for sharing your story and goodluck to you with all you do. Please continue to post, for your words are so comforting for not only me, but all others here on Cyberconnections!!!

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 3:41pm
One year before seeing each other in person is a tough one, so I could only say: well done Rew! I guess somehow such a long time can also be a good stability test because only people who really mean a lot to each other can go on with just on-line and trust in each other and their feelings and that they still do the right thing.

I only had to wait about three months before I could meet my online-love in person for the first time (I am in Germany, he is in Canada and we've met in Chicago this May) and even that time brought us pretty close to the end of our patience sometimes! As you said also Rob and I were nearly sure that we will just need the final "in person-meeting" as a confirmation for what we already know deep inside of our hearts. Nevertheless and out of some bad experiences I made before I had some little doubts about what could happen but they just disappeared in the moment I was able to look into his eyes for the first time. I immediately felt as comfortable and completed with him around in person like I did before when he was just a cyberperson. Perhaps because the only difference between cyber-Rob and the real one was the possibility to touch and kiss him, to feel him and to be in his arms! In my opinion people who are honest with each other on-line have very good chances to fulfil their feelings and expections in real life as well. Of course there is chemistry and other important things as well, but honesty is at least a good start!

I will see my man again (this time in his place) in just 11 days and have already started to really get excited about this (Yeah, I am also going to meet the family!). Since I know we are both pretty sure about our feelings and that we are somehow made for each other, I also know we are going to have another wonderful time together. And after that, I guess it should be time for future plans!

Wishing everybody a wonderful weekend,

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 3:48pm
I am so excited for you Nicole!!! That is less than two weeks away!! Oh, my! What will you wear? lol I know that is how I am about Mark coming in as little as 3 weeks!!! OMG! I am really glad you and Rob are doing so well!

Gail


Goodluck !

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 4:27pm
Thank you Gail and you know I wish you the same and cross my fingers for your meeting with Mark! What a happy July we are having in front of us!

What am I going to wear? Hmm, good question but because I will have an 8 hour flight before I can be in his arms again it will for sure be something not too formal or fancy. The funny thing in this relationship is that he is much more concerned about what to wear, to have a pretty new haircut and stuff like that. In Chicago he came down from his hotel to mine (approx. 10 minute walk) wearing his new dress shoes and ended having blisters on his feet just because he wanted to impress me! Cute, isn't it?

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 5:18pm
Oh, I know...Mark is more worried as well. He has even gone as far as going to the dentist before hand!! lol Which is just silly, I think. lol He is telling me not to worry about what I am wearing, but as you know...girls have to look right for the moment. I mean, it is important to remember the way you look that day. The way your hair is, and the way you smell, and the style of your dress or whatever. It is a memory maker, therefore must be perfect. Ok, maybe that is just my obsessed way of looking at it. lol

Goodluck to you. I would say 8 hours on a plane, would shoot for a sun dress all the way!!

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 4:33am
Hi Rew, what a nice inspiring story who have for us here, specially for me whose in an overseas online relationship, we met in January this year and still we have not met in person due to financial reason coz its not easy to meet right away. Your story inspires me that after a long talk and wait over the net still results in a happy meeting and life together.

Not everyone can wait that long coz they need the in-person interaction ASAP. But i know if ur committed and know u both love each other deeply, one can wait till finally they'll be in each others arms.

So happy to hear that thanks for sharing, hope to hear from you always.

~jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 4:52am
Yahoooo, GAil and Nicole are really excited ha, good for both of u! Wish u both happiness, i can hear your heartbeat Gail, boom boom boom , LOL. Gail, do u ever think of what is the first word u will say to him or your move the moment u see him in the airport? Isn't it nerve wracking? I once thought about that it's giving me butterflies in my stomach.

Wow 3 weeks for Gail n Mark, weeeew and 2 weeks for Nicole n Rob, weew again! Girls i'm happy for all of u and i hope pretty soon i will meet my man too.

:) jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 9:14am
Hi Jen!

I don't know what Gail's opinion is but I think words are not that important at the first meeting. If I remember it well ours must have been "hello" or "hi", not much more. During getting to know each other on-line or over the phone words are mostly everything you have to become closer and then, when it's finally time for the very big moment of standing in front of each other in person you just want to use your other senses, first is looking and then (just in case you like what you see of course;-)) you want to touch and feel the other one. Just to make sure that he has become a real person out of flesh and blood!

I was pretty cool before our first meeting, still not sure if because I already knew it will become good or because I knew we had settled a plan B as well and I would have been able to send him away if we didn't click. I am more excited about the second meeting now because it will also be a kind of reality test for us as a couple, meeting at his place and in real life atmosphere not in a kind of vacation mood. And of course I will meet his family and that makes me a little nervous as well. He told them a lot about me, showed them the pictures and things like that and I had already spoken to his little son on the phone but nevertheless, I really hope I can stand their expectations and they will at least like me a little bit.

Wish you all the best and hope that you will be able very soon to meet your guy as well!

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 1:27pm
Thanks for your great story....thank you for sharing...............I have been in an online realtionship for over two years...have been thinking about breaking it of...the distance has been really hard...so long with out the physical contact I think I need.....I thought about ending it becuase of the distance,but your post has given me hope... I still care for him, but he is so far away. I was in Oregon (from Portland:)and he lives in Sydney, Australia...I ask myself...asked for advice...can I cope with the feelings that go along with an online realtionship?? I think I need to try..he is willing, so why can't I...

PROBLAM........I have meet a nice guy online...also long distance....I am not sure what will happen....we meet my accident, and we have been emailing and Iming for the last week.....we just hit it off...maybe it will work..maybe not.I just fell that I have to keep things open,,,if Simon and I don't work out.I can't risk missing out and asking myself what if...

Question....can I keep my online relationship,but meet other people? Is that wrong?I am not doing anything more then chating...talking.....

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