Did he get cold feet before meeting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010
Did he get cold feet before meeting?
10
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 1:13pm
I met this guy online and for the past 3 weeks we have been talking on the phone and skyping every evening. He is 45, divorced one year, no children. He said his marriage just grew apart and he was not in love with her. We really seemed like a good match, and talked effortlessly. He invited me up to his house (3.5 hours a way) this weekend. I was so excited. Then the other night our conversation took a strange turn, and somehow we got on the topic of threesomes, and out of the blue he admitted to having some in his 20s and went into detail. It almost seemed as if he was trying to make me uncomfortable. Then the following night I received a text message from him that said “I am lost without you.” A few seconds later, he texted” oh sorry that was meant for my godson, I miss him.” Now, he does have a godson, but before he said he has not had much contact with. I know his Godson and the godson’s Mom has been having marital problems that he got in the middle of, but I did not ask anymore about it. The whole thing was so strange I just said look I don’t know what is going on, but I don’t want to get involved with someone who is not emotionally available. He texted me back and all he said was “I understand.” Nothing else, no explanation, no phone calls since then. How can you go from pursuing a girl for 3 weeks straight calling her up to 3x time a day and then nothing? I really liked him and was so looking forward to meeting him in person. I just don’t get it. Maybe he has something to hide, I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 3:35pm

His message to his "godson" isn't exactly the right wording to let a boy know he misses him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 4:14pm
I really thought of course he is pursuing other women but he spent so much time calling me and skyping every evening, I thought how would he have time? Usually players don't get back with you very quickly. Maybe it was his ex wife, an ex girlfriend. Who knows, but if he really cared, he could have called me and offered me some explanation.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 4:58pm

I know that you are long-distance, but this is why it's important to meet sooner rather than later. Talking for weeks establishes a pseudo-intimacy that isn't really there. Frankly, I don't think there should be sex discussions before you meet--it's just creepy to me. He probably wanted to test the waters to see if you were into threesomes.

Here's the deal: there are men out there who see how many women they can get to travel to their city so that they can have sex with them. They have no intention of establishing a relationship with any of them. It's like a game, and believe me, he will work hard for it.

I think it's best for a man to travel to the woman's city first--and stay in a hotel. At the very least, you should travel to a point in the middle, and stay in separate rooms. In your case, you wouldn't even have to spend the night, you could just eet then drive home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 8:01pm

I was going to say the same as floridagirl--if it is someone you have not met, by no circumstances should you be going to the guy's house, esp. in a strange city.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-10-2011 - 4:39pm
I have learned not to expend so much energy in trying to figure out the "why" of people's behavior from online interactions especially when it comes to OLD.

I keep going back to my rule-of-thumb to meet as soon as possible. Limit online interactions to the bare minimum, then actually talk on the phone then meet for that is what dating is really about isn't it? To actually go on a date?

Mark
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 8:53am
Well I talked to him because really, I don't know him or the situation, and I will give him the benefit of the doubt. I overreacted and he had every intention of wanting to meet me. So I will just meet him and go from there, but I insisted we meet halfway and he is happy with that, he understood my hesitation to drive to meet him. We will see what happens when we meet in person, then I can make a proper judgement. I have just been burnt in the past that I am so ultra paranoid and judgemental.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2011
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 4:17pm

I think it's good you aren't getting too emotionally attached at first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 2:43pm

I'm way more creeped out by the fact that a) you were willing to drive 3.5 hours to the home of a total stranger.

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 3:45pm
Really happy I never pursued this one, because I may have never met the guy I'm dating now (which comes with it's own challenges) but I am very happy. What I learned, always go with your gut, always meet in a public place, and let the guy come to you for the first date!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 2:48pm

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