Did I overreact?
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| Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:35pm |
I had a date this weekend with a man I had dated a couple of years ago (two dates then). I called it off back then because I went back with my BF. Recently the same guy answered a blind ad I had on CL. I told him it was me, and we decided to go out again and see what happens. We had an okay time, he kissed me goodnight (not very well). Then I get this email from him today:
"Trust you made it back home ok. Your directions were good ... although I was quite distracted from driving with the feel of your lips and holding you very much on my mind!
I was wondering if we could have each other for lunch some afternoon this week at your place or mine.. :-) ... "
I wrote back to him saying that he must have misunderstood me, and I am not interested in casual sex with him or anyone and that's what it would be at this point because we really don't know each other.
What do you all think? Did I misinterpret, or was I on the money?

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I suspect he was trying to be "cute" since he was talking about your kisses, it was probably something to be cute. I can see why you got irritated though especially since you two don't really know each other that well.
I think you handled it well.
That is gross. The first time I read it through, I didn't even catch the "have each other for lunch" and had just read it as "have lunch at your place or mine" which was sexual innuendo but the first is a blatant request. Absolutely you handled it perfectly. What a sleaze.
Edited to add: Actually, I think you were way too nice!
Edited 1/23/2006 4:05 pm ET by vexer_hw
Ewwwwww, the nerve!
After a first date?? Seriously, does this ever work for guys?
I agree that you interpreted and handled it well.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Ewwww!!!
I don't think you misinterpreted at all!!! This guy is cheezy!
Update:
Yikes. I have never had such a complete miscommunication. A lesson to us all about being very, very specific about what you mean and what you want.
We had discussed how we would date because we live about an hour apart and I wanted him to know I am not really able to spend that much time traveling -- I talked about how I usually have one night available during the weekend, and rarely can I go out on weeknights.
He interpreted that as "we will be sexual and exclusive."
His email, in part:
"I definitely wrote that with sexual innuendo, but only because I thought we decided we were going to see each other steadily because we had discussed when we would be able to.
If you're only interested in platonic dating, then we're not on the same wavelength, because I want to be involved mutually and exclusively with a woman. What "involved mutually and exclusively" means to me, is that we are enjoying each other's company socially and sexually, and growing emotionally thru that experience, with no pressure from either side."
I told him I was sorry that I had wasted his time, because I did not know him well enough to sleep with him yet and that that would have come much later.
Sounds like FWB to me. And frankly, I already have that with my MuchYoungerMan, whom I connect with about a thousand times better. Funny -- having that existing thing, though I know it can't go anywhere, really helps me put the other stuff in perspective. And MYM feels like a true friendship because we can really talk about stuff.
In response to:
"I definitely wrote that with sexual innuendo, but only because I thought we decided we were going to see each other steadily because we had discussed when we would be able to."
Dear John:
Saying that I would be able to do something and agreeing to do it are two different things. The very idea that I would "have you for lunch" is offensive. Your email address is being added to my block list. Don't call or write.
Cham
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