Did I overreact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Did I overreact?
14
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:35pm

I had a date this weekend with a man I had dated a couple of years ago (two dates then). I called it off back then because I went back with my BF. Recently the same guy answered a blind ad I had on CL. I told him it was me, and we decided to go out again and see what happens. We had an okay time, he kissed me goodnight (not very well). Then I get this email from him today:

"Trust you made it back home ok. Your directions were good ... although I was quite distracted from driving with the feel of your lips and holding you very much on my mind!

I was wondering if we could have each other for lunch some afternoon this week at your place or mine.. :-) ... "

I wrote back to him saying that he must have misunderstood me, and I am not interested in casual sex with him or anyone and that's what it would be at this point because we really don't know each other.

What do you all think? Did I misinterpret, or was I on the money?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 10:29am
OK, to me, while you may not have said straight out "I don't have a lot of time to date right now but why don't we go out a few times and see what happens.", neither did you in any form imply that you were looking for just sex from that comment! Any ideas where he got that? And if that's what he was looking for, why didn't HE clarify that? BIZARRE!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 10:51am
I can't figure it out either. I have been going over our conversations and am totally stumped about where he could have gotten that idea. We didn't communicate that smoothly in general -- the conversation was a little awkward at times, I don't think we were really 'in sync' the way I would like to be, not as much chemistry (in any way) as I have had with several other men I have seen. I didn't even linger at the goodnight kiss which lasted maybe a minute -- not like I was making out with him in the parking lot! He is from another country but has been here a long time, definitely long enough to know better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 11:23am

Wow! Still that guy had SUCH nerve! Hi, I expect you to be on MY PAGE (which is sexually focused) off the bat. What a JERK!

Trust takes time- and so does getting to know someone. So therefore, he wants to check out how the sex is BEFORE he makes any sort of emotional commitment (or have any expectation from you)- yeah, that sound great- if you were a doormat!

What a jerk! His comments show his lack of ability to commit to someone emotionally- but hey- he wants the sex upfront!

I tell guys after the first few dates (if its going somewhere)- that I am only interested in having sex if I am in a commited relationship. This of course, does not mean I am asking for that now, but I wanted to make it clear of what I am looking for. Then, if the guy continues to try to pressure for sex- its an easy decision- he's a jerk and doesn't respect me.

You made the right decision- this guy wants nothing more than his cake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 11:37am

>> "...enjoying each other's company socially and sexually, and growing emotionally thru that experience, with no pressure from either side"<<

That says FWB to me. Can ytou really grow emotionally through a FWB relationship?

No pressure? To me, that means he wants no responsibility but he'd love to have sex and show you off at parties occasionally.

I think you dodged a bullet on this one.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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