Did a Trial Week w/Match

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Did a Trial Week w/Match
13
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 3:45pm

After a lot of pondering about putting my profile back online, I updated it on Match and yahoo.com I did the week free trial deal on Match and have been getting emails from a guy whose profile looked interesting, decent looking and we had some things in common. I gave him my phone number and he called me. Maybe I'm scared of this whole process since I got burned too many times w/it back in 2005-2006 when I met and went out with a number of guys that never did work out.

For starters, he sounds like a hick...maybe that's wrong to judge someone's voice but he does not sound educated or worldy whatsoever. Then he mentions that he has tattoos. I'm totally not into tattoos but they did not show in his photo & nothing was said in his profile about having them. He may not have them all over his body but it is more than a small one on his upper arm. Then lastly, I asked him what he did for a living and he said he was "between jobs". Had been laid off from a plant and was collecting unemployment. My first thought is that if I was unemployed, I would not be as concerned about finding a dating relationship as finding a job.

Even if his voice was not indicative of his intelligence and even if he didn't have the tattoos, I can't imagine even meeting a guy who is unemployed. I have had my share of CHEAP men in the last few years (all employed but once they knew they "had" me, the going out part dwindled pretty quickly). I am fine with eating at a guy's house or at my own place but not ALL of the time. Also, this guy lives about 80 miles away. I know I'm just starting back into this but maybe I'm not ready. Should I wait and see or try to squelch further contact because he has some red flags?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 4:33pm

It seems that there are a lot of things working against the relationship before it even starts. Without even considering the accent that may indicate a lack of education, 80 miles away is pretty far. Him being unemployed is also going to be a strain.

The part about him being unemployed is the killer for me. I supported my now ex-fiance for about 4 months while he supposedly was looking for a job. I had to break up with him to shake him up and get him doing so seriously. We broke up permanently about a year after all that.

I foresee this kind of scenario: You will feel guilty if he takes you out because he has no money to spare, and you will feel put upon if you are always the one paying to go out. It's a no-win situation.

There is nothing wrong with having criteria that you expect potential dates to meet. If you are already having misgivings, you might not want to spend an hour and a half driving just to confirm them.

Unless there are some huge positives that you left out of your original post, I would wait for someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 4:39pm

Thanks, I needed some assurance that I was not being shallow here. I realize that the economy is bad now--much worse than it was when I was doing OLD several years ago, but as a woman who has worked 2 jobs for 16 years, I would not be comfortable dating a guy who was unemployed...even if he was getting unemployment and looking for work.

It's not the end of the world for him to be unemployed, it's just a bad time for him to even try to start a relationship and I think that if we talk again, somehow that will have to be brought up. Also, I will bring up the distance factor. Originally, I thought he lived much closer to me than he does. It was he who said we weren't that far from one another and I was thinking this town was at least an hour closer than it was but it's much farther south in the state from where I live in the NE corner. Thanks..you helped me decide that this isn't likely something I want to pursue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 5:17pm

I decided that I did not want to talk to this guy further and it was better to send him an email telling him that I did not think we would be a match rather than just not answer the phone when he called tonight. I told him that while he seemed nice on the phone and I could probably get past the idea of tatoos, that he lived about twice as far as I thought he did from me. (Apparently, Match ignores your preferences because I had a limit of about 50 miles.)

I also told him that while I knew the economy was bad, that I would feel uncomfortable with someone who was "between jobs" but that I'm sure someone else would be fine with that. I told him I did not want to waste his time & effort, which is true, but I also don't want to waste my own without coming out and saying that. I wished him luck in finding someone. I'm hoping that maybe someone else will be a bit more of a fit during my trial period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 9:00pm
Good call.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 9:14pm

Hmmm...I would have just cited the distance and left it at that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 11:51pm
Suffice it to say that I felt that being honest was better than lying to him ya know? I'm not a complete newbie at this but have not been at it perhaps as long as you have. Clearly he had several issues but that tattoo thing was the least of them. He later called me tonight at my job (which I did not give him the number there but he knew I worked there part-time). He wanted to belabor the discussion as to why I was not interested. I told him I said what I had to say in the email and that the distance and the fact that he was between jobs was not a good way to start out.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 12:42am

Well, absolutely, I would agree about being honest rather than lying, but since the distance thing was a deal breaker for you anyway, why not just leave it at that?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 12:45am

Oh, ok, I see from your other post that treating people with kindness is not a priority to you, so never mind!


Sheri, the "hateful wench"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 12:53am
You think you wrote the book on dating and that clearly hasn't changed. The guy was not CONCERNED about a lack of a job apparently, understand?? He didn't get it that that might be a problem for someone so using the distance only as a reason not to talk when that was not apparent at first was lame. So I was honest but was not hateful unlike some of the "advice" on this board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 11:29am

'...Should I wait and see or try to squelch further contact because he has some red flags?'


You want an educated gainfully employed comfortably-off white collar man with no tattos. You have an uneducated unemployed most likely skint blue colar man with tattos. Why are

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