different country
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different country
| Sat, 02-18-2006 - 3:46pm |
How do you feel about dating someone from a different country? Not a different race necessarily. I had a guy email me from CL (shocking, there're decent men on CL) and he seems very nice, but he's not American. Actually, I don't even know that, he might be a citizen (has lived in my town for 10 years, not sure where he was before that). I could definitely find myself liking him, but...


I've dated people from all over the world. I'm not sure why it would even be an issue...would you be worried he was just looking for a green card or something?
Sheri
That's one reason. I also had a friend who's girlfriend (Mexican citizen) threatened to take their two year old daughter and bolt. It never happened, but he lives in constant fear of it. Anyway, I think a lot of it is that my first internship in college required a security clearance - something that I would not have gotten if I'd been dating someone who wasn't a US citizen. My immediate family, all former/current military officers, say the same thing.
Plus, without sounding cheesy, I guess it's just important to me. I do want to give this guy a chance, but it's just a hangup, I guess.
I dont think the problem is that he might want to stay in the US and get the green card.
I think the question you need to ask yourself is what if he is not planning on living for good in the US.
Many people espcially those coming from a not so stable country end up staying but there is a chance half way through the relationship he decides to go back home!
My Ex lived in Canada for 10 yrs, had the citizenship and everything. 2 yrs after being together he decided it is time to go back home kuz he missed his family.
I certainly could not move there as I did not speak the language and was not ready to be a burden on him financially and socially... and so here I m on this board :~)
I would only consider him if I feel he is established here (say owns a house or a v. good job...)
But I do think dating someone from another culture is v. enriching and interesting. There is always something new to discuss...
Good luck!
Huh. I never would have thought about the security clearance angle.
I've been intrigued by people from other cultures since I was young (it's part of why I love to travel so much)...once of my first bfs was an exchange student from Paris who was living with my best friend's family. Then when I was living in Paris during college, I became involved with a Brazilian living in Amsterdam...he turned out to be a diamond smuggler (I had no idea...I traveled throughout Europe with him and he even stayed with my family in Boston the year after)! That would have shot a security clearance to hell, I'm sure!!!
Sheri
Juliara -
I never thought about him not staying permanently. :-) One more fact finding mission, lol.
Sheri -
I love traveling and learning about other cultures, too. Ok, to some extent. One of my friends wanted to take a trip to Jordan a few years back and I vetoed that. Same friend wanted to spend a weekend in Medellín, too. :-) There's exploring and then there's just stupid, you know? I'm just not sure if I want to - how do I say this - have another culture permanantly part of my life.
I don't know - I'm actually running off to meet him at Starbucks - yeah, boring and overrated but EASY, so I'll report back in a few.
Hi,
I am a foreigner. Although I've never really encountered any problems, or thought that the citizenship status would have any negative impact on me (until recently), I think I can understand your concerns. Though my case is a little different. I've been in the U.S. for over a decade now and everybody who knows me knows that I am staying here (my family is here) :) Apart from myself, since I studied in the field where the majority of graduate students are from foreign countries, I see a lot of relationship problems, caused by the uncertainty of the future. I agree with the other posters that it's important to know if the person plans to make U.S. his permanent home. My ex-bf is from another country, and he made it clear since the beginning that he was going back home eventually. It had caused a lot of problems, and eventually led to break-up. Though at the end he realized that he wanted to be with me, it was kind of too late because I just got tired of waiting all these years and decided to move on anyway.
As for clearance issue, the guy I am dating now has TS clearance. His ex-gf (of 4 years?) was also on a visa (but eventually broke up because of citizenship problem :( ), so I am not sure if dating a non-citizen would really affect your obtaining a clearance (unless perhaps they're easier on people who already got it).
J
I actually met him tonight.
He's a nice guy, but he's not sure he wants to stay in my town (he's doing post-doc work at a local university). I'm pretty sure he's planning on staying in the US, though. Thing is, I've never lived anywhere longer than 7 years, and was thinking this was the place to stay a while. I'm not sure I want to follow a guy around the country, and I have my career to think about too.
As for the clearance thing, I'm doing completely civilian work since college, but it was just a thought for the future. I'm kind of obsessive about my job. :-)
We're going to see a movie tomorrow afternoon, though.:-)