different country

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
different country
7
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 3:46pm
How do you feel about dating someone from a different country? Not a different race necessarily. I had a guy email me from CL (shocking, there're decent men on CL) and he seems very nice, but he's not American. Actually, I don't even know that, he might be a citizen (has lived in my town for 10 years, not sure where he was before that). I could definitely find myself liking him, but...




Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 5:25pm

I've dated people from all over the world. I'm not sure why it would even be an issue...would you be worried he was just looking for a green card or something?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 6:00pm

That's one reason. I also had a friend who's girlfriend (Mexican citizen) threatened to take their two year old daughter and bolt. It never happened, but he lives in constant fear of it. Anyway, I think a lot of it is that my first internship in college required a security clearance - something that I would not have gotten if I'd been dating someone who wasn't a US citizen. My immediate family, all former/current military officers, say the same thing.

Plus, without sounding cheesy, I guess it's just important to me. I do want to give this guy a chance, but it's just a hangup, I guess.







iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 6:45pm

I dont think the problem is that he might want to stay in the US and get the green card.
I think the question you need to ask yourself is what if he is not planning on living for good in the US.
Many people espcially those coming from a not so stable country end up staying but there is a chance half way through the relationship he decides to go back home!

My Ex lived in Canada for 10 yrs, had the citizenship and everything. 2 yrs after being together he decided it is time to go back home kuz he missed his family.
I certainly could not move there as I did not speak the language and was not ready to be a burden on him financially and socially... and so here I m on this board :~)

I would only consider him if I feel he is established here (say owns a house or a v. good job...)

But I do think dating someone from another culture is v. enriching and interesting. There is always something new to discuss...

Good luck!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 7:03pm

Huh. I never would have thought about the security clearance angle.

I've been intrigued by people from other cultures since I was young (it's part of why I love to travel so much)...once of my first bfs was an exchange student from Paris who was living with my best friend's family. Then when I was living in Paris during college, I became involved with a Brazilian living in Amsterdam...he turned out to be a diamond smuggler (I had no idea...I traveled throughout Europe with him and he even stayed with my family in Boston the year after)! That would have shot a security clearance to hell, I'm sure!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 7:14pm

Juliara -

I never thought about him not staying permanently. :-) One more fact finding mission, lol.

Sheri -

I love traveling and learning about other cultures, too. Ok, to some extent. One of my friends wanted to take a trip to Jordan a few years back and I vetoed that. Same friend wanted to spend a weekend in Medellín, too. :-) There's exploring and then there's just stupid, you know? I'm just not sure if I want to - how do I say this - have another culture permanantly part of my life.

I don't know - I'm actually running off to meet him at Starbucks - yeah, boring and overrated but EASY, so I'll report back in a few.







iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 11:07pm

Hi,

I am a foreigner. Although I've never really encountered any problems, or thought that the citizenship status would have any negative impact on me (until recently), I think I can understand your concerns. Though my case is a little different. I've been in the U.S. for over a decade now and everybody who knows me knows that I am staying here (my family is here) :) Apart from myself, since I studied in the field where the majority of graduate students are from foreign countries, I see a lot of relationship problems, caused by the uncertainty of the future. I agree with the other posters that it's important to know if the person plans to make U.S. his permanent home. My ex-bf is from another country, and he made it clear since the beginning that he was going back home eventually. It had caused a lot of problems, and eventually led to break-up. Though at the end he realized that he wanted to be with me, it was kind of too late because I just got tired of waiting all these years and decided to move on anyway.

As for clearance issue, the guy I am dating now has TS clearance. His ex-gf (of 4 years?) was also on a visa (but eventually broke up because of citizenship problem :( ), so I am not sure if dating a non-citizen would really affect your obtaining a clearance (unless perhaps they're easier on people who already got it).

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 11:16pm

I actually met him tonight.

He's a nice guy, but he's not sure he wants to stay in my town (he's doing post-doc work at a local university). I'm pretty sure he's planning on staying in the US, though. Thing is, I've never lived anywhere longer than 7 years, and was thinking this was the place to stay a while. I'm not sure I want to follow a guy around the country, and I have my career to think about too.

As for the clearance thing, I'm doing completely civilian work since college, but it was just a thought for the future. I'm kind of obsessive about my job. :-)

We're going to see a movie tomorrow afternoon, though.:-)