The dinner date that never happened

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
The dinner date that never happened
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 7:21pm

Hi, wanted to get some opinions on this situation (which started with online dating).


Long-time friends had me over for dinner recently. Their son (late 30s), who I’ve known since he was in jr high school, was also there.  I’ll call him Rick.  He lives in another city, but was in town for job-related reasons.  He was telling us about a blind date he had the other night that went sour.

Rick said he’d been emailing and talking on the phone to a woman who he connected with via an online dating site a month or two ago.  They exchanged quite a bit of information, also pictures.  They made a date to meet in person (for the first time) at a nice hotel for dinner. 

For whatever reason, there was a mix-up in communication about where they were supposed to meet.   Rick he had told her to meet him at the entrance to the restaurant.  He waited, and waited, and checked the lobby, called her cell and left a msg, and after about 45 minutes he saw her standing there.  They shook hands, and Rick says although he found her attractive, she was ticked off and made no effort to hide it.  “I’ve been standing here for almost an hour, you said meet you in the bar, and the bar is closed.”  Rick says he was taken aback by her tone (she was upset), told her she was supposed to meet him at the entrance to the restaurant, and that he had left her a message.  She said her phone petered out, and that she was about to leave when she saw him.

So…..they sat down, and he suddenly remembered she was right………...he had told her to meet at the bar.  Rick apologized.  Waitress came and Rick’s date was terse as she ordered a drink.  Rick said to waitress “Don’t be offended, she’s mad at ME.”  (awkward)

After a few minutes of chitchat, his cell phone rang and he stepped away to take an important business call.  When he returned to the table, his date asked if he had been trying to arrange a backup date. (?!) Rick said he was so uncomfortable that he just wanted the night to end, so when waitress came to take dinner order he said he asked for the check (for the drinks).  Date dropped her jaw.   Rick said “It was nice meeting you” and walked her to the door.

Apparently she recharged her phone battery later that night because she called him twice (he didn’t pick up)………tearful messages asking “what went wrong?”  Rick said he’s done and has no intention of rehashing the evening with her or seeing her again.

Well, I have my own opinion.

Forty-five minutes is a long time to wait for someone to show up, especially for a first date.  She probably thought she'd been stood up, but she should have made sure her phone was charged.

Based on what Rick said, he was turned off at her reaction to the initial mix-up, but also the question about a “backup” date, and the way his date had been rude to an innocent waitress/server.  Then……..those tearful messages.  The initial mix-up was Rick’s fault, but he did apologize.  The woman continued to pout.

Obviously it wasn’t meant to be, but I think Rick dodged a bullet.  What say you?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 8:51pm

Well I never would wait 45 mins. for someone to show up--20 is probably the max.  I would never go on a blind date w/o making sure my cell phone was charged, cause you never know.  I would make sure I had the guy's phone no.  The one & only time that my friend tried OLD, the guy stood her up, but she hadn't given him her phone no, so there was no way to make sure he wasn't delayed by some legitimate reason.  In your example, the guy tried to get ahold of her.  Also since they had exchanged pics, I think she should have walked around a little to see if she had the wrong place.  There was really no reason for her to be rude to the waitress.  Asking about a backup date was odd (unless she was trying to make a joke).  I also think if the guy invited her to dinner, made her wait a long time, after realizing it was his mistake, the least he could have done would be to buy her dinner.  I don't understand why she was begging him to come back either because I would have been annoyed by his behavior too.  I think this is just one of those things where the night got off to a bad start & then got worse.  Neither one of them was perfect.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 9:06am

I don't think he owed her a dinner after she behaved so childishly. Of course, I think meeting for dinner as a first meet is a BAD idea to begin with. Drinks or coffee is the way to go.

It sounds like this woman has been cheated on and otherwise treated badly by men, and now she's taking it out on anyone who comes along. I mean really, who would accuse a man she just met as trying to set up a back-up date? I will say that I was on a first meet a few years ago and I do think the guy was doing just that--but I would NEVER say it, are you kidding? I also met a guy who started an empassioned political argument with me--he was really mad. I was stunned. Thank God we were just meeting for coffee.

Meeting via online is awkward enough--you really need to give the benefit of the doubt, go with the flow, or just stay home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 12:28pm

When going on a date, especially a first date, I’d make sure my phone was charged. Anything could happen (car trouble, caught in traffic due to construction or an accident, family emergency) and we need to be able to reach each other. The mixup in where to meet was Rick’s fault, but he tried to call her. Had she been reachable it would have lessened the wait time considerably. I wouldn’t have appreciated being left at the table while he took a phone call, but her remark about a backup date (even if joking) was out of line. But the voicemails later…….wow…….made her come off as desperate and pathetic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 9:32pm

they both sounded immature to me. Let see if I was she, I would pout - justifiably so, but the fact that she still went to dinner showed she's probably just wanted some appeasing behavior from him. How I know? because that's what I would do when I was that age. Nowaday, I would just leave after 30 min or so.

However, I wouldn't be asking what she asked b/c that's just so outright stupid. I assume Rick apologized before picking up the phone. It doesn't take but one second to quickly say "im sorry, it's a business call I really need to answer" (or was he too unnerved to even say that?)

Now was he right in walking out on the dinner? A bit harsh but probably served her right. He probably didn't have any appetite after that. Adn for her to call later tearful was just bizarre.

btw, I would cut her slack for not having the phone charged. I've had times when that happened.

They both have a lot to learn about dating.