A disabling situation Part 2 update

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2005
A disabling situation Part 2 update
19
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 6:59pm

Hi everyone,

I just thought that I would give you a little update on what is going on. Sunday night I added the following paragraph to my profile :

“Since I was honest in the beginning, I must continue and tell you gentlemen that I was born with Cerebral Palsy, This disability does not prevent me from living life to its fullest. This reality has without a doubt helped me become the determined and strong person that I am. Please know that I understand and respect the fact that this may be an "issue" for some, although it isn't for me.”

My profile is on Lavalife, has some of you may know, on this particular site, one can send a smile to a person you find interesting. Before, Sunday night my profile without the paragraph above received 120 smiles in 6 weeks and since Sunday I have received 1 smile and my total of smiles received dropped to 94 meaning 26 guys took away the smiles they had sent me. Some of the men I was chatting with have even blocked me ....

I thought that going online to find love maybe interesting because it gave me the opportunity to “highlight” me personality without my disability being an issue…..

My “original plan was” to let them know about me disability after letting some time pass ( I told some guys after exchanging about 5 emails and 3 of 5 guys stopped writing or calling) When I thought that perhaps I when about it the wrong way, that’s when I decided to ask for your input on this board ….

This has made me understand that having a disability seems to be “a turn off”. I guess I never realized that it was that big of a deal . In real life social situation, I know that my physical state has been and issue, because some guys were honest enough to tell me it was so. I have a great deal of respect for them and many of these gentlemen are still my very good friends. It makes me wonder however, if my disability wasn’t a deciding factor in other real life instances. It is rather harsh to realise that a week ago guys were instant messaging me and giving me their phone numbers…. This week noting except the usual “morons” looking for a “nasty chat”….. It’s funny how a few words can change peoples’ perspectives

I would like to thank all the ladies that took the time to answer my previous post I appreciate it VERY much
Thanks
Winnie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 7:15pm

Winnie,


Though I cannot say I can empathize with you since I do not have cerebral palsy, I do understand your frustration. Many people online believe in this perfect person and any flaws will cause them to reject you. I get rejected all the time and I don't have a disability... I think it's great that you're honest. Letting time pass before you tell them would only lead to trouble I think. At least by telling them upfront, you won't have to worry about them rejecting you for your cerebral palsy later. (Now mind you, they may ghost on you for other reasons... LOL)


I guess what I'm trying to say is that it takes a courageous person to try OLD, but it takes an even more courageous person to not allow their disability to stop them from living life and trying to find a mate via OLD. I can never say I understand exactly what you're gong through as I have not lived through it. But I can say that the man who is willing to accept you, disability and all is going to be a very lucky man simply because of the spirit you have displayed here.


I can only wish that if I were in your shoes, that I would be able to be as strong and as inspiring as you are to me right now.


Kerry


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:17pm

Hi Kerry,

Thanks for writting back, I'm touched by what you wrote...

I believe that I have little merit for my attitude towards my disability .... My parents were instrumental in making me understand that my physical state did not have to define who I was, am and will be.

I only tring to play with the hand I was dealt with as best I can
Thanks again
Winnie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:47pm

The good thing is that those men who took away their smiles or blocked you will no longer have the chance to waste your precious time.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:09pm

Winnie....congrats on placing an honest and beautiful sentiment about yourself. If those morons can't see how gorgeous a woman you are they aren't worth your time. Do you realize that when you do find that person how much more special he will be?? Don't you dare give up or give in. I refuse to believe that "us" strong and confident women who have limitations or disabilities would be excluded from love in this life. I refuse to believe that any one of those men who walked away after you changed your profile is the right man for anyone. We must stay and fight this battle. They're out there Winnie and I know we will find them.

I respect you because you have battled this a lot longer than I have. I have only recently had to live with a disability but it's the best thing that has ever happened to me because of who I have become. I have always battled rejection due to my weight and now my legs don't work so well but that isn't who I really am. Screw em.....Believe in yourself and it will all fall into place.

God Bless you Winnie.

Keep up the fight!!!

Fluffy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 4:50am

Hi winnie,

If it makes you feel any better I don't have any apparent disability yet I didn't have any luck when I tried OLD!

I think your greatest barrier is the ignorance of others rather than your "disability". I may be highlighting my own ignorance but I have some suggestions for your profile. I think you should refrain from referring to your condition as a disability. Instead, I would write something like:

"I am a strong and confident person who enjoys . Hardly the thing you would expect from someone born with Cerebral Palsy!"

Just a thought.

Take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 10:03am

That is a WONDERFUL suggestion hal!!!!!
and,

Winnie, you are an inspiration to us all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 10:48am

Winnie - sorry you had such a negative reaction to your honesty. But the fact is, in OLD, guys (and even some women) want physical perfection. If they drop someone for being 10 lbs overweight, how do you think they are going to act towards someone with CP?

IME, there are more Shallow Hals in OLD than not.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 11:15am

>IME, there are more Shallow Hals in OLD than not

Stop looking at me! It's the other Hal she is talking about!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 12:10pm
ROFLOL - AFTER I posted that, it struck me that some people may think I'm talking about you...rest easy, dear. If they read your posts, they've got to know you are most certainly NOT a shallow hal.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 12:15pm
ITA SISFOX!

CL-Truewild1969


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Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.



CL-Truewild1969

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