A disabling situation Part 2 update
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| Wed, 11-09-2005 - 6:59pm |
Hi everyone,
I just thought that I would give you a little update on what is going on. Sunday night I added the following paragraph to my profile :
“Since I was honest in the beginning, I must continue and tell you gentlemen that I was born with Cerebral Palsy, This disability does not prevent me from living life to its fullest. This reality has without a doubt helped me become the determined and strong person that I am. Please know that I understand and respect the fact that this may be an "issue" for some, although it isn't for me.”
My profile is on Lavalife, has some of you may know, on this particular site, one can send a smile to a person you find interesting. Before, Sunday night my profile without the paragraph above received 120 smiles in 6 weeks and since Sunday I have received 1 smile and my total of smiles received dropped to 94 meaning 26 guys took away the smiles they had sent me. Some of the men I was chatting with have even blocked me ....
I thought that going online to find love maybe interesting because it gave me the opportunity to “highlight” me personality without my disability being an issue…..
My “original plan was” to let them know about me disability after letting some time pass ( I told some guys after exchanging about 5 emails and 3 of 5 guys stopped writing or calling) When I thought that perhaps I when about it the wrong way, that’s when I decided to ask for your input on this board ….
This has made me understand that having a disability seems to be “a turn off”. I guess I never realized that it was that big of a deal . In real life social situation, I know that my physical state has been and issue, because some guys were honest enough to tell me it was so. I have a great deal of respect for them and many of these gentlemen are still my very good friends. It makes me wonder however, if my disability wasn’t a deciding factor in other real life instances. It is rather harsh to realise that a week ago guys were instant messaging me and giving me their phone numbers…. This week noting except the usual “morons” looking for a “nasty chat”….. It’s funny how a few words can change peoples’ perspectives
I would like to thank all the ladies that took the time to answer my previous post I appreciate it VERY much
Thanks
Winnie

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KUDOS!! A very positive spin on it indeed. Glad to see that Winnie inspires you.
F
Winnie-
It has been in my dating experience that 98% of the men on
CL-Truewild1969
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I'm scratching my head here. At the risk of refraining from congratulating Winnie for what a wonderful person she is (I am sure she is) and claiming that most men are schmucks, I am a little perplexed as to why Winnie chose to use these words:
“Since I was honest in the beginning, I must continue and tell you gentlemen that I was born with Cerebral Palsy, This disability does not prevent me from living life to its fullest. This reality has without a doubt helped me become the determined and strong person that I am. Please know that I understand and respect the fact that this may be an "issue" for some, although it isn't for me.”
I am not a medical expert and I doubt most men are too. When you say you have cerebral palsy, what does that mean specifically? With most debilitating diseases, they come in various forms and extremes. Does this mean you are in a wheelchair? Crutches? Does this medical condition affect your speech? Do you need a full time nurse? Could it get worse? or better?
Most people need to know specifics before getting involved in a relationship. A few more descriptive words might put some men's minds at ease (or not) so that you will get more responses from your profile.
H i chamey101,
Thank you for reading my post ,
However, I feel that I must clear out something , I NEVER “claimed that most men are schmucks” I only said that the man instant messaging me looking for a dirty chat were “morons” I am sorry if that offended you but I stand by what I said.
I agree with you in saying that the men who are doing to demonstrate interest in me and possibility was to start a relationship with me will, very understandably, want to know most about my disability. I, of course, intent to answers all the questions they may have. However, I feel that providing more medical information may take away or overshadow the information that I give about myself. Because, has I have said in of my other posts, having a disability does not define who I am. Since I am only looking for a relationship at this stage, I believe that stating that my disability does not prevent me from living my life to its fullest is, in my view is enough. I am trying to “sell” myself and not bore them with a medical rapport. …
Sisfox: In a previous post you asked: “How do you think they are going to act towards someone with CP? The truth is I knew that it was going to change the opinion of some. But, I have a “hard time” understanding guys who wrote I was “ gorgeous” or that I wrote a “very intelligent and interesting profile” then took them away because I have CP. When in my view, having this disability does not prevent me from being the “gorgeous” girl in the pictures that the saw and it does not prevent being the author of the very intelligent and interesting profile” they read neither. I understand that it does make a difference, but I guess, I never imagined that I would make that much of a difference to so many of these gentlemen….
Jennie, Hal 900, Kerry, Jodie Fluffy, Sisfox chamey101 and all of you that I have forgotten , many thanks for your interest wonderful ideas and insights
Have a Good weekend
Winnie
Hello Sisfox,
In your previous post you asked: “How do you think they are going to act towards someone with CP? The truth is I knew that it was going to change the opinion of some. But, I have a “hard time” understanding guys who wrote I was “ gorgeous” or that I wrote a “very intelligent and interesting profile” then took them away because I have CP. When in my view, having this disability does not prevent me from being the “gorgeous” girl in the pictures that the saw and it does not prevent being the author of the very intelligent and interesting profile” they read neither. I understand that it does make a difference, but I guess, I never imagined that I would make that much of a difference to so many of these gentlemen….
Thank for your interest
Winnie
Why would you have to give medical information?
Winnie,
>I am trying to “sell” myself and not bore
>them with a medical rapport. …
I agree. There is plenty of information about CP on the Internet and any man who is interested would probably do some research himself. It only took me 5 minutes to learn that it is *NOT a disease* and that it is not progressive. What they can only find out from you is the severity of your condition. I agree with what Jennie says:- Make this clear by the way you sell yourself in your profile and explaining what you mean by living life to it's fullest. Give examples of the activities you participate in etc.
>I never imagined that I would make that much of a
>difference to so many of these gentlemen
Have you visited this dating site?
http://www.whispers4u.com/
Winnie - I think a lot of it could have to do with fear and ignorance, too.
I have to be honest - I don't know a whole lot about CP, but I'd like to think that if a man with CP showed any interest in me, I'd not consider it a problem - so long as he was articulate and intelligent, as you obviously are. Geez - do you know how many men email me who DON'T have CP (as far as I know) but can't string together two sentences? Not THAT'S unattractive!
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