Discouraged - online dating for 50 +
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Discouraged - online dating for 50 +
| Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:45am |
So..I am extricating myself from an almost 7 year relationship, and decided to check out online dating sites. 7 years ago I posted my profile on several of them. I have a unique problem, as I live in a very remote area. I did meet a few men, however, that were willing to make the long journey.
Here is the discouraging part...I still see the same profiles on these sites that I saw 7 years ago!! Are these serial online daters? Are they men that think the grass is always greener on the other side, or there is always going to be something better out there?
Just as an aside, the reason that I broke up with the bf was that I found he had been posting his profile on at least one online dating site. That is such a betrayal - I had no clue.
Also, I would like to hear from other people that are 50+ years old. I am 55 - and really feeling the pressure of time. Will I ever find somebody to spend the rest of my life with in a committed relationship?
Here is the discouraging part...I still see the same profiles on these sites that I saw 7 years ago!! Are these serial online daters? Are they men that think the grass is always greener on the other side, or there is always going to be something better out there?
Just as an aside, the reason that I broke up with the bf was that I found he had been posting his profile on at least one online dating site. That is such a betrayal - I had no clue.
Also, I would like to hear from other people that are 50+ years old. I am 55 - and really feeling the pressure of time. Will I ever find somebody to spend the rest of my life with in a committed relationship?

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Well, from the responses I've received when I started this discussion, it appears that we should all be pleasantly surprised if something good eventually comes out of this OLD experience. I am so amazed at how many men are chronically online at all times of the day and night. Also, being from a very small geographically isolated town, I figured those guys 50+ in the big cities would have easy pickings because of your observation about the number of unattached men versus unattached women.
I also am surprised at how many men really think they are something - and when I look at their profile picture, read about their education level and occupation, it is obvious that they have an overabundance of confidence. It is also amazing how many of these guys 50+ think they can attract some hot young thing!
Because I am relatively new at this, I don't know what some of the acronyms mean. For instance, what does a CL ad refer to?
Part of the danger of being a relatively successful happy 50+ something woman is that it doesn't take long to realize you may be lots better off single. I do like my independence, and am absolutely not going to settle. Are men needier than women? Maybe 100 years ago when a woman's economic status was directly tied in to a mans, and therefore the survival of that woman and her children, it would have been the case that women may have been "needier" and more desperate. Now I think it is the other way around.
Oh please don't let me become a bitter cynic!
Mary
Mary,
Statistics show that married men live longer than single men and single women live longer than married women. Does that tell you something about how badly we need to find a man? ;)
With one exception, only one of the men I have met in person through OLD (5 so far) was thinner than I am (that is, not overweight) and only one of them (not the same who was thinner) has been really attractive in my eyes. (This doesn't mean that the others were hideous, just that they were only "ok.") And I am not picky about appearance. Three of the men lied about their height and two did not use recent pictures. None of the guys I've exchanged e-mail with (that is 30+ guys since Feb.) has been as successful in their careers as I have been in mine, despite the fact that I took off 10 years to be a mommy. In a couple of cases I think that realizing how much more successful I was may have been a factor in a guy disappearing after a couple of e-mails.
Do I want to establish a permanent relationship with any of these guys? No way. I am definitely better off alone.
However, a little dating is fun, and OLD is (for me) the easiest way to get the necessary contacts.
Elsa
I just put myself onto YP this morning. I am new to online dating. I am 52 looking for age range of 47-57. Well guess what? Most of the men won't even look at a woman older than themselves. What shocked me more was that a majority have put in an age range of 15 years younger than their own age. What's with that? I guess its the appeal of youth. Somehow, my dating a 67 year old man seems weird.
I look at this as one more reason to be discouraged but I'll see what my results are (if any!).
I have had a couple of younger men contact me, but they seemed either to want a pen pal or an easy lay. Since I am neither, we have not progressed beyond the first couple of e-mails. Older guys who contact me and are obviously retired/settling in for a quiet old age, I politely reject also. Most of the guys I've connected with have been between 48 and 55. This is a comfortable age difference for me.
I thought at first I'd like a younger man (45 or 46) but what I've found is that a lot of the 44-49 guys who are willing to date a somewhat plump 50 yr old also have a lot of Issues. So it has worked out that all the guys I've actually met were closer to my age. There was one guy who was 60 who I almost met, but he got cold feet and disappeared.
I agree that there is something very weird about these men wanting women almost young enough to be their daughters.
Good luck with YP.
I have a 3 month subscription to match.com - I subscribed because when I posted my "free profile", I discovered that the emails piled up, but I couldn't read them or respond. Well, it is all getting rather tiresome. They are the same old profiles - some are even the same as I saw almost 7 years ago when I had a brief stint with OLD.
It is weird who ends up contacting me. I am very clear in my profile that I want somebody who is fairly active because I like to backpack. Some of these guys are older and obviously don't do anything except travel from the recliner to the fridge during the commercials! Also, it is probably a really insightful look into myself. I am 55 - and even the guys that are 48 look so old! I am old! I'm sure I look as old to them as they do to me. It is like going to a high school reunion, thinking you have maintained your youthful good looks, and discovering that these are a bunch of senior citizens gathered together. Reality strikes!
Sometimes, as I'm scrolling through the profiles, I am muttering under my breath, "I don't like any of you people!" How's that for a positive attitude. I think if I didn't already have a subscription, I would just give up, and curl up with a good book every night.
I asked this in a previous post, but what does the abbreviation CD ad stand for? Somebody mentioned they had placed they had answered a CD ad. So I'm assuming it's another online dating site?
Mary
Hi Mary,
I think you asked about CL not CD. I think CL is Craig's List. I know nothing about it except it exists. I envision it as an online bulletin board of some sort. Maybe someone else will explain--and if there is also a CD, someone else will have to enlighten both of us.
It is really funny that you keep getting the "active only from the couch to the fridge" types. I keep getting guys that like to hike and backpack and have boats and love football. (I get seasick, hate hiking, have never backpacked in my life and can take football only in small, very social, doses.) Shall we swap? ;)
But really, I don't like the couch potatoes either. I am not athletic/outdoorsy, but I am very active. (I did aerobic dancing for a while but had to give it up because of my knees. I am getting into yoga and belly dancing. I love long leisurely walks. I am never still. I find "romantic evenings in front of the TV/fireplace" much less a turn on than "romantic evenings out on the town dancing.")
Yeah, we probably look old to the same guys that look old to us. But I don't feel old and I don't mind going out with a guy that looks his age (and mine) so long as he doesn't act like his next step is the retirement community.
Maybe we just need to keep looking at these people until we get used to them? ;)
Elsa
Thanks Elsa!
I love to read your posts. They always help me to see the humor in the situation...and it is nice to know there are quite a few of us in the same sinking boat!
I thought Craigs List was just for advertising used cars and such. What an education I am getting. I think you are right - it was CL, not CD.
Have a great day,
Mary
Yes, CL is Craig's List, and they have personals as well as all sorts of other listings.
It's not for the faint of heart, however ;-). It's pretty much an "anything goes" site and you have to do a LOT of weeding out and be prepared to even get pictures of people's private parts sent to you even if you don't post in the "casual encounters" section. If you are going to venture into using it, I'd suggest doing a search on this board for past threads in which posters have given tips on using CL.
That said, I've met some decent guys on CL, along with some not-so-decent ones ;-), but that's true for any of the OLD sites.
Sheri
Sheri,
What an education I'm getting! I had no idea that people posted such things on Craig's List.
I'm on match and eharmony, and am not really happy with either one. I wonder if there is another site that is recommended. I haven't been reading the OLD board for very long, so there may have even been a survey done that I'm not aware of.
Mary
Mary, I'm 49 and just started using OLD a few weeks ago.
Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p
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