Discouraged With Online Dating
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Discouraged With Online Dating
| Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:07pm |
I was just wondering am I the only one that is not having any luck with online dating? For those of you that have met people did it take you a long time? I tried eharmony, but only had two dates off of that neither which were good matches for me. I recently joined match.com and I am having bad luck with that site. It seems to me that match has alot of guys, but most of them seem like players and not very sincere. I also feel that online dating is making me doubt myself. I am in my 30's and I am wondering for most people having luck with this if they are in a different age group. I would love to hear other people's experiences with this.
Thank you,
Karalyn

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I agree. I have no desire to enter that arena ever again. Five years of my life wasted on pointless "dates" with guys who didn't even try to hide the fact that I just wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, good enough, whatever...
And as far as meeting men in public, I have no problem whatsoever with speaking to strangers. I never have. Which I guess is why I've met so many guys lately. And at this point, if the time comes that I'm single again I'll have no problem meeting someone in public should I choose to do so. And that's the way I'd much rather do it. No more OLD for me. Ever.
Hello, I'm new to this board. What I have found with online dating is that yes it is a lot of work. IT's like finding a good deal on a car, you have to do lots of research and leg work. And you have to drive a few klunkers. Although I'm faily new at this and I am not really looking for anything serious at the moment (divorce). Yes, its a lot of work. IF you aren't having fun with it, i'd say take a break and come back when you are ready =)
win
I've tried old off and on for two years. I find that it's helping me get stronger. I have no problem with not responding to guys just because, before I always felt I had to be in a relationship to not hurt someone's feelings. I know, I sound like a teen-ager here. I also feel good about deleting guys who stop contacting me for no apparent reason. What I'm trying to say, is that for me it's been a learning and growing experience. I've learned that when I'm talking to a guy on the phone, I instantly get a feel for his character, personality, etc., from the tones and inflections in his voice. Nine times out of ten I'd rather clip my toenails than meet them. I've learned a lot about myself. Before, I would have met them, trying to make something out of nothing. Now I just drop a few ill-fated sentences. For ex., one guy was talking about wanting a woman who was slender, etc. I told him it gets harder to keep weight off as one gets older. Now I'm working on being more direct with guys, but that's hard. It's easier to just say something that I know will turn them off. Of course, they will say they're going to call again, but they never do.
I agree with the others here who say that old is just another way of meeting people. I've found recently that because I'm kind of interested in one guy, other guys are showing more interest. I guess I probably seem more open to meeting people.
I think that old for me has been a great growing experience, learning about others and myself. It's helped me to see people more objectively. I think that's the key to old, and maybe a lot of other situations as well. A lot of what people do isn't personal; they're just living their own internal code. It can be discouraging but by taking a step back it can be kind of entertaining and educational. People are what they are, good and bad; just because they don't happen to like what I am doesn't make me any less. I like learning about people. Maybe along the way I'll meet someone who's a good fit. I think old gives a lot of opportunity to do just that.
That's great that you've met guys IRL. I'm out and about all the time...but nada. So for me, it's OLD or nothing, and I'm not yet at the point where I'm ready to accept nothing.
And I've actually met some good guys online, just not ones who've been right for me in the long run. Plus I have a number of friends who are married to guys they met online...so there *are* success stories out there. I'm sorry you didn't have any luck but I don't think that means there's no luck to be had, or at least I hope not ;-).
Sheri
I agree with the following generalisation.
from:
emdeesea About men using OLD
1. Socially challenged
2. Looking for a model, fantasy, Bond Girl, etc.
3. Trying to forget about someone he Really Loved
4. Wants to get laid
from:
adrastos about women using OLD
1. Emotionally challenged
2. Looking for a Brad Pitt look alike, wealthy, prince Charming, etc.
3. Trying to forget about someone who burned her
4. Wants to have a relationship but has been sexually involved with 5 or more guys in the last year alone.
Most (all?) people using OLD are doing so because they aren’t having any luck in the real world. Expectations are raised because people are led to believe that whatever “problem” makes them unsuccessful at dating in the real world will disappear in the virtual one. Read this preposterous claim from Match: “We guarantee you'll find someone special within 6 months. Don't wait. Make Love Happen now”
Generalizations are a very dangerous thing and are can lead down a very dangerous path.It's fine to have your own feelings about OLD but beware the generalization... if you would't want to be stuck in a category, why would you place others there?
I'm curious--for everyone who said they would never do OLD again... how long were you at it before you gave up?
There has been many times that I think something is wrong with me. Why no one is interested in me. Then I come on this board and see I am not alone. Most all people here are going through the same thing.
And as others had said OLD is just another avenue to meet single people. I'm working on being more approachable in RL. More eye contact and conversation. It's helping me feel more secure in interacting with others.
Seems I'm in the minority here...I really enjoyed on-line dating!
I tried eharmony...frustrating answering prefab questions before getting to open discussion
match...seemed to me that the men I met there were very hesitant and liked to hide behind the screening processes. Although I did meet two men, that were very nice, just not really my type.
Plentyoffish was a fun way to say hi, but there were no meetings that came of that.
Yahoo is the big winner...met many interesting people, lot's of first dates and email buddies, and I met Relationship Guy within 6 months of putting a profile up.
OLD was a great way for me to meet people since I had difficulty doing so IRL. Work was not a place for me to meet people, since I primarily work with clients and staff. Socially my circle consisted of friends of over 20 years, all married with married friends. Between working and looking after my home and teenager, and finding myself newly single, OLD was the answer for me to actually get out there in cyber space and start developing a new network of friends and potential dates.
I think it has a lot to do with attitude in the beginning. I had a full life but I wanted to inject some adult interaction, social dating, have people to do stuff with. Ultimately I wanted a relationship, but felt that there was nothing to be lost by meeting someone new and enjoying an afternoon or evening out with them even if there was nothing particularly romantic about that. I met many people of a similar mindset. The relationship would happen if it was right, but there was nothing wrong with expanding and developing a social network of single people.
So with that in mind I welcomed the first meetings, second dates and frank discussions at the very beginning about what I was looking for, or what they were looking for. It was a good experience. I admit there were some disappointments along the way, but they were few in comparison to the good conversations and interesting people I met.
I'm an OLD success story, having met a wonderful guy, in pretty much the same circumstances as myself (finding himself single after a long term marriage and not really sure how to proceed with meeting someone new). We've been together for almost two years now and are planning the rest of our lives together. I can't help but think I wouldn't have met this person at all, if I hadn't been on-line, despite us living in the same area now and growing up in the same area as kids (a long way from where we are now). On-line was very much a vehicle by which to
ITA!! I agree with everything you said especially generalizations – it is a numbers game bottom line. Not every guy you date has an “agenda” – if you tell yourself that then you will be constantly disappointed and should NOT to do OLD. Positive thinking will create positive results – you tell yourself all men suck from OLD and you’ll always be alone chances are YOU WILL – aka self fulfilling prophecy! If you keep yourself open (another avenue) you only increase your odds! When you get frustrated you “take a break”.... and never have any expectations – take it as it comes – if you get more bonus. I have two sets of friends who met and married from OLD who have been together for over 5 years and happily married.
> it is a numbers game bottom line.
Yes it is a numbers game, just like the lottery. You do have winners but what are the odds?
>If you keep yourself open (another avenue) you only increase your odds!
You also increase your odds of meeting someone who fits the generalisations and this is exactly why I am cynical about it. OLD appeals to people who are shy, lonely, jilted or for whatever reason don’t lead an active social life but it also appeals to those who are eager to take advantage of them. One of the main problems is people fall in love with the fantasy created in the virtual domain and this “virtual” love is afforded the same status as real love.
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